I'm in NYC and things are scary here.
My recent grocery delivery might have brought COVID19 onto surfaces in my kitchen and I am at higher risk. I may already have exposed myself before I found out and I keep cross-contaminating surfaces and items in my home.
I was already out of disinfectant and I keep putting off the HUGE project of trying to get some more because I've had an insanely stressful week working (most of it unpaid because that part is necessary for the paid work, and I'm desperate to do well and hang onto any paid opportunities I have because I need the income so badly and quickly).
But I keep cross-contaminating items and by tomorrow I will not even be able to safely prepare food in my kitchen, and I don't have very much prepared to eat and I'm not supposed to eat prepared delivery food right now.
I tell myself to not be so cautious but the stories coming from my people in the medical community are absolutely beyond heartbreaking and I can't imagine dying that way, never seeing or speaking to my loved ones again, and I know I'm at higher risk, so I feel I HAVE to be cautious because it's just not worth it taking ANY risk.
But now I've cross-contaminated the last of my kitchen things and I dont understand how I could prepare any food. I am exhausted and scared and still working at 10:30pm after 14 straight hours of mostly unpaid work and I'm so stressed out and upset and overwhelmed I could just cry. My anxiety and stress are through the roof.
Oh and in the meantime I'm trying to be a good partner to the love of my life who lives in a different city, and he is so compassionate and loving and caring and is struggling himself at times, but I have been overwhelmed for weeks and sometimes I just want to set that aside and be present with him but I feel so stressed out that it's difficult.
And I'm doing my best to offer genuine care to the communities and people who turn to me for that, and to stay positive and awesomely good at my job for the people I work with because I desperately need the work.
There is no time to rest, not even this weekend, and there wasn't last weekend either. Everything is an emergency and a project and exhausting. The week I have coming up is going to be even harder, especially if my brain isn't getting food.
And always in the back of my mind knowing I may have already been exposed and have to wait extra long to see if symptoms develop not only from the initial possible exposure but from secondary exposure in my home.
Please reach out and/or say a prayer for me; I'm having a really rough time right now and could really use encouagement and support.
Thank you, beautiful Mighties! I pray you are all safe .
#COVID19 #Anxiety #overwhelmed #Stress #Depression #CheckInWithMe #Worried #encouragement #NeedSupport #Depression #Spoonie #Spoonies #DoingMyBest #scared