postnatal depression

Today the veil is lifting.
Fleeting moments of intense optimism and excitement.
I get to see my son get older and wow at how he’ll be.. imagining the conversations we’ll have and looking forward to all the happy memories we’ll make. It feels crazy at how positive I can feel in one moment when yesterday I could barely hold my head up. Feeling opposite ends of the spectrum so intensely within 24hours can’t be “normal” can it? It’s not. I know it’s not. But is this more than depression? Do I maybe have bipolar? I’ve read many account of people who went undiagnosed before.. Is this the bpd that I was diagnosed with in the past? I have found it so so hard to accept that one and I feel so vulnerable writing it down. Just saying depression and anxiety has always been easier.

Anyway. I’m here to say the veil is lifting and remind anyone in a similar situation (specifically my post yesterday) that the veil does lift. It always does. Even though in the moment it feels like it never will.
I’m here to remind myself also that this has just been a very very hard episode and I’ve had these episodes and periods before. It always gets better. The sun will follow the rain ✨

#Depression #RecurrentDepression #ChronicDepression #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #BPDDiagnosis #Hope #thistooshallpass #PostnatalDepression #PostpartumDepression #reminders

Have you heard of perinatal depression? It's more common than you would think!

Pregnancy is often thought to be one of the happiest time's in someone's life but that is just not true. A lot of people have very rough, unpleasant, or even dangerous pregnancies.

Many suffer from depression before, during, and/or after pregnancy and it's definitely something we need to know more about.

Today's podcast guest, Gemma Baxter shares her experience with perinatal depression during her pregnancies and how she was able to treat it.

Please share this episode because this is something that needs to be made aware of!

88. How to Identify & Treat Perinatal Depression - AccordingtoDes

#Pregnancy #prenataldepression #perinataldepression #PostnatalDepression #Depression #MentalHealthAwareness

She took me for some food as I knew I wouldn't be able to eat once we got to the hospital. I rang the hospital at 6pm who told me to come in as they were too close together, I went to the hospital, at 4:25 am on little peanuts due date he was born at a 8lb.

The first 4 weeks of him being born was difficult, I lost a lot of weight (even though I didn't gain much during the pregnancy) I had mood swings, too emotional, too tired, I gave up college to be at home with him as I was still getting use to being a mum and getting into a routine. Little peanut was very clingy, hated being put down in a crib or moses basket, being sick after every bottle, constipation and it turned out he hated night times! Being miles from my family and not having support around me made it very difficult to cope with.

At 4 weeks old, I was alone, trying my hardest but it didn't seem good enough, I was stressed out to the max, I had enough, I went to the doctors and they diagnosed me with post natal depression, I was relieved! I wasn't going mad, and it wasn't my fault and to be honest I was doing fine being a young mum but my mind was playing tricks on me. I got the help I needed and moved out to live with my mum and dad for help. After moving in with my mum and dad I started getting back to being me, and sorting myself out. I learnt to cope with my depression by allowing myself breaks! I know it sounds silly to others but having a very clingy baby who wouldn't let you have a shower for 2 minutes or eat a full meal without crying it's hard.
I still had depression and medication but I was starting to feel like myself again, I was able to be me finally! I was still going through complications in my life and events but having a mental health problem you have to think about you and your little one.

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After weeks of thinking I was losing it, being too emotional, trying to cope the best I can and all the tiredness, they finally gave me a term for what I was going through, 'Post Natal Depression.' I can say I've never been so relieved to hear the words, I thought it was just me, but I found out I wasn't alone.
I was in college getting my diploma in Arts, ICT and Design when I found out I was pregnant at 17, I was happy and hopeful but nothing prepared me for the things to come with pregnancy, birth and being a young mum.
Finding out I was pregnant at 17 was a big worry, I didn't find out in the best way I was pregnant and was worried about my families reaction. I found out after being really ill after having the implant (contraception) put in my arm. I was sick, headaches, sleepy, couldn't eat much and just felt.... BLAH! Finally made it to the doctors after 2 weeks, they told me to pee in a cup, didn't tell me why, it didn't really run through my mind the reason why and boom, they told me I was pregnant, I cried.. alot. The doctors were shocked at the fact I was pregnant with an implant in and didn't know what to do. Eventually they removed the implant and sent me straight to the hospital to have a scan for any complications.
I saw my little peanut and knew I wanted to keep the baby, they told me I was 8 weeks pregnant and had no complications... Until later on.
At 11 weeks my belly grew and I couldn't hide it anymore from college, family or friends. A lot of questions were asked seem as I went from being a stick to having a bit of a belly so I announced the pregnancy.
At 20 weeks I found out I was having a boy! I was so excited! I could finally start getting ready for my little peanut.
At 34 weeks I went into slow labour, this is where it got complicated. Every week from now on I was admitted to hospital due to contractions and extreme cramps, the contractions would eventually stop after 4-5 hours. Nothing was done to stop them as I wasn't dilating enough. More and more problems started, My belly was way too big for a tiny, skinny girl to carry around, I had a lot of back ache, leg pain and comments towards me, which made me feel uncomfortable, upset and my mood was down.
At 36 weeks, I had another scan to see how things were going, my little peanut was not so little anymore, I was shocked, how could I carry him to full term? Look at the size of him?
The day before his due date I went into labour at 7am, I was scared, excited, I didn't know what was going to happen, no-one prepared me for this. I rang my mum who was 2 hours away and said 'this is it', she rushed to my house and said 'Yep this is it, try and stay at home as long as you can cause once your in hospital that's it!' She took me round Sainsbury's in full blown contractions mode to get me walking as much as I could, this was embarrassing having contractions in Sainsbury's with people staring at me and timing the contractions, I gave up and told her we needed to go....

About two years ago, I decided that my life was stalled due to fear of truly living. I decided that I want to break free of my fears and truly live my life. So I’m now married and as a consolation prize for truly living, I was awarded a miscarriage. 15 horrible weeks a pregnancy and a little life ended.

I think I was better off being afraid. I wasn’t missing anything. Any joy I had has been completely overwritten by this loss. I was so much better off not experiencing this loss. This loss makes me regret my own life. This is a nightmare that I can’t escape.

#Depression #Miscarriage #uncontroledtears #inconsolable #Anxiety #Grief #angry #PostnatalDepression

I don’t even know where to start... it’s like I had almost forgotten the feeling of the lowest of lows.. Firstly I am high functioning so it doesn’t affect the important things in my life which I will be forever grateful for but it doesn’t make the emotional pain any less physical if that makes sense. A lot has happened in a short amount of time and I haven’t had time to process anything so everything keeps piling on top and getting worse.. when my boy was born.. I had zero help as in my ex partner didn’t really play a part in anything and it was sooo hard... I sunk to such a low and the thoughts were insane... I was defiantly suffering from post natal but I survived... fast forward almost 4 years later and I feel as if it has been triggered all over again.. the first problem was meeting up with my ex in order for him to develop a bond with our child... that went pear shape really bloody quick but that was all fine I was working on processing how I felt about it all and what my step would be... however before I was able to sift through that experience.. my uncle passed away which simply brought on a lot of pain and weirdness within my family I still don’t know how to deal with... on top of all that my son is being told to sleep at daycare by his teachers... which would be fine BUT he won’t sleep at night which requires me up all hours of the night and one of my vulnerabilities is lack of sleep... and since it’s just me working hard for a routine that use to occur but isn’t anymore.. I feel all that hopeless emotions and depression all over again like I did when he was a baby.. My pain I deal with by stating to myself the impermanence of life and situations and emotions and also letting go of the expectations I have of any given situation which seems to help me but I dunno what else I can do apart from simply surviving

I’m working from home and likely to be for another 12 months! My Daughter has just started school and my Partner is home full time as she suffers with a #ChronicIllness and has previously had #PostnatalDepression & #Depression & #Anxiety

I’m sure after the crazy year everyone’s had there’s some wise and wonderful people out there that are working from home & can help with some advice on how to balance work & life because at the moment it feels like every time I open my mouth I’m doing something wrong! Feels like we’re seeing more of each other then ever but are pushing each other away with petty daily arguments! #help

#Relationships #worklifebalance #Depression #Anxiety