singleparent

Both my kids are persevering with multiple serious medical problems. I’m a single mom with very limited family, friend and community support. I’ve nearly died three times this year and 1-2 times every year for the past six years. My kids are very depressed about almost losing me again. My kids both have treatment resistant depression, CPTSD, endometriosis/ademomyosis,
rheumatoid arthritis, Crohn’s, epilepsy, polymigratory arthritis, degenerative spine disease, scoliosis, reynaud’s syndrome, cardiac issues, migraines and fibromyalgia, complex regional pain syndrome. The crushing guilt of being an ineffective mother, giving birth to two children who each have 5-6 illnesses inherited from me and their father who hurt them physically and emotionally especially when I was in the hospital getting 8 reconstructive spine surgeries with hardware, screws, plates in nine years covering most of my spine. My son is autistic spectrum disorder high functioning and affectionate. I’m so lucky to be here for my kids with my kids. I understand that without emergency surgery and a fully invasive opening, I wouldn’t be here today. I’m grateful to Gd for saving me. What have I done to my kids. I wasn’t so sick when I got pregnant. I didn’t know when I got pregnant that the kids father’s side has most of the same illnesses and there are many. Now both my kids, as they mature, their health diagnoses increase to longer terrifying lists of diagnoses including many of my dozens of disorders including from Crohn’s, epilepsy, an unspecified connective tissue disorders, immune modulatory disorder, endometriosis, interstitial cystitis, seronegative rheumatoid arthritis, primary immunodeficiency disorder, MGUS/multiple myeloma (monoclonal gammopathy of unknown significance), demyelinating syndrome like MS without known disease prognosis. This year I almost died three times from necrotic aspiration pneumonia with large abscesses in my lungs. I am eligible for the reversal ileostomy surgeries (2 surgeries- the first 8-10 hours is almost as devastating as the emergency colectomy. There’s a small window (4months) when surgeons can do this. It’s my only chance to get my life back to live w/o an ostomy. It’s a long process after surgery and the stoma is repaired in a follow up surgery. I need this surgery. It’s a long long recovery and major surgery with many complications. How can I do this to my family? I worry that my son & daughter can’t handle this much disruption, stress, sadness. We have such little support and no one called my kids to check on them as the plan we created was supposed to happen in emergencies. No one called. Every one gave excuses, so disappointing. Such a problem for future surgeries. I know they should be independent by now yet given their medical status, being an independent young adult is very challenging. I’m so thankful to my daughter who has been helpful beyond any thing I could have hoped for. She’s incredibly giving and loving to me. It’s hard to be here. Not functional, not effective.

#UndifferentiatedConnectiveTissueDisease #MixedConnectiveTissueDiseaseMCTD # primaryimmunodeficiencydisorder #PrimaryImmunodeficiency #AutoimmuneImmunodeficiency #CrohnsDisease #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #ComplexRegionalPainSyndrome #CongenitalHeartDefect #Epilepsy #RheumatoidArthritis #DegenerativeDiscDisease #Scoliosis #InterstitialCystitis #Pneumonia #AspirationPneumonia
#necroticpneumonia
#Gastroparesis #gastrointesinlbleed #RheumatoidArthritis #singleparent #SjogrensSyndrome #DiffuseIdiopathicSkeletalHyperostosis #Diabetes #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Ileostomy #Colectomy

When I take my Girl's Out, People are surprised to hear I'm a single father. Quite a few times I've been given a sympathetic look, got the kids today, huh? Or even worse, Dads weekend with this kid? Right, don't see a woman by me and assume I get weekend visitation.

No, moms not around anymore. One person asked me how she died! I just cant… Why do you… Never mind.

I've even been to parks, fairs, surrounded by moms, no dads in sight, and I get suspicious or pissed off looks. What did I do?

I've learned not to speak up, for the most part any comment I make to join in the Parent Talk is frowned upon. Occasionally a friendly mom will chat, but its about as common I get a strange look, or even an annoyed expression. I've been approached and asked which child is mine. Nope, none of course, just sitting here with my mirrored sunglasses on so I can lear at the moms. I only wish I could try that one, Give myself some rest and mental Care. #Parenting #GeneralParenting #singleparent #Migraine #Selfcare #MentalHealth

Anyone else experience literal pain in their heart/ chest when feeling depressed, lethargic and alone? I’m feeling so sad I’ve had no energy for days. #Depression #Loneliness #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #singleparent

#Fibromyalgia #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #DishydroticEczema #Vestibulodynia #InterstitialCystitis #Depression #CPTSD #SocialAnxiety #ADHD #singleparent #Arthralgia
All of these hashtags create a picture that at times seems pretty bleak to me. But other times it makes me feel empowered because I realize that I kick @#$ in spite of it. Some days the picture doesn't look very pretty and other days I'm thinking that's some fine art. I put forth my best effort every day, and every day that looks different. I'm sending you all love and peace, and hoping wherever you are, that you don't allow your long list of diagnoses and labels to define you. Every challenge brings an opportunity. Hang in there. 🌻

So I have a stupid question, and no one else to ask.. How do I get over someone I HAVE to stay inn contact with and be on good terms with? I realised about two years ago that I still have feelings for my daughters dad.. He doesn't have feelings for meg, which is okay. It just sucks that I still can't get over him.. It's been 9 years since we were a couple, and I still love him.. How the f**k do I get over him? We're good friends, who sometimes have sex (I know that needs to stop), and our kid loves that we get along so well and can do stygg together like having movienights, going out to dinner together etc.. I'm stuck.. I wanna move on, but I don't want to stop hanging out together because our kid enjoys ut som much.. so.. What do I do? #breakup #Coparenting #Parent #Parenting #singleparent #heartbreak

So last Saturday I finally moved out of the house my wife and I lived in. We separated back in October and I finally was able to get a place of my own so Saturday I moved out.

So I had my 10 year old son for Saturday and Sunday. He went back to his mom on Monday. (I had my appointment with my therapist Monday night). That evening after my appointment a old friend messaged me and asked if I wanted to go for coffee. I said yes since I wasn’t in Dad duty that night.

When I saw her she gave me a big hug and we sat and talked for a couple hours. Just random stuff on how I was doing and how she has been. She gave me a hug good bye and we went are separate ways.

I woke up the next morning feeling totally ashamed, like I had crossed some line accepting a hug. My self hate went crazy and just mentally beat myself down.

Last night she messaged me and wanted me to know that her mom who she lives with tested positive for covid. She has no symptoms and her mom is on the mend but wanted to let me know.

So this morning I told my wife that I might have been exposed. And I might have passed it to my son Tuesday during the day. I have no symptoms but took a covid test and it came back negative. My son and wife and I are all fully vaccinated.And now my self hate is just going crazy again. Things like,

You made your son sick cause your selfish.
You crossed a line with that hug your evil
Your a Bad person.
You cheated on your spouse(incase you missed it we have been spectated since October)

I’m not sure why my head feels like I crossed the line. I didn’t go looking for something other then a friend to chat with. Maybe it was the hug. Maybe it’s cause I feel I don’t deserve human contact. Or maybe this is just normal after 15 years of marriage.

Either way I will self sooth my way through this. Just wish my head made sense sometimes.
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#struggling
#singleparent
#CheckInWithMe

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia this week. After many years of ups and downs and millions of tests all showing sweet nothing. I suppose I expected to feel relieved (omg I'm NOT totally crazy!) And perhaps empowered. Instead I got diagnosed in the week or so before my period (and endo flare) where I get really emotional and down so I've just been left feeling a little bewildered, tearful, and overwhelmed. I'm having a terrible fibro flare at the moment, hence seeking medical advice once again, and I can't do much without my heart rate spiking to over 100 and feeling like I've run a marathon. My whole body is achey and everything hurts aaalll the time. I can't keep track of things. My tasks at home and work are piling up because I only seem able to get through half of what I need to - most of that half is work focused because I'm a single mom of twins (I never do anything half-arsed) and cannot lose my job. Doctor booked me off today and tomorrow and whilst i have barely been able to get out of bed, I feel guilty for taking off work again. Depressed because I feel like I'm not doing enough and have let people down. Anxious because my to-do list is growing and I don't know how long this flare will last. Frustrated because I didn't ask for this and I don't think outsiders understand the feeling of being trapped in a body that doesn't keep up with your spirit. And in general, wondering how the hell I'm going to navigate being a single parent of two, working a high pressure job, and managing a malfunctioning body...

I have multiple Chronic Illnesses and Chronic Pain associated.

As the title suggests, I’m also a single parent . Well, divorced parents with custody and majority parenting time.

My child is young (under 10), independent and very active. I’m looking for ideas on how to help give him what he needs (physical activity) while still caring for and being self-aware of my own physical challenges and not “pushing through” thus creating more pain and fatigue.

This social distancing and quarantine BS isn’t helping anything. The pool use to be an option, but with COVID even that’s taken from us as a fun summer outing. We live in a condo... so we have an outdoor green space but it’s shared with others in the community so things like a slip & slide are a bit trickier.

Does anybody have ideas?! Please Help!

#ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #singleparenting #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #hypermobileehlers-DanlosSyndrome(hEDS) #ChronicFatigue #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #Fibromyalgia #heatintolerance #singleparent

Dear Social Media Friends, Family, and Readers:

It seems as though many of us have had a rough year. I have read wishes to see the end of 2019 from people I was not expecting to express such trying times. I feel you.
I tried changing my tune this year. I didn’t get as involved with sociopolitical posts. I pushed the positive moments of my personal life forwards. I posted a lot of pictures that reflected happiness and fulfillment-like many of us do. As much as I want to say that they were true reflections of how wonderful my life has been in 2019, I can’t honestly say that it’s been some landmark year in manifestation. If anything, this has been one of the most stressful years of my life-including the years leading up to and over my divorce.
I dealt with everything from a two-year relationship fraught with struggle, major health issues for my youngest child and myself, a major car crash, crippling expenses as a result of all of the above, work-related concerns, the loss of a beloved pet, a wasp infestation, a major flood in my living room, on-again-off-again smoking, losing two former students and neighbors (15 & 16 years old) to gun violence in their home, and the mounting worries and frustrations of raising an angry tween, an ADHD tween, and a 7 year old who may be on the spectrum-to name a few of my issues. I walked away from the relationship head held high, finally walked the stage with my BA Magna Cum Laude (along with a handful of other academic awards and honors), and made a bunch of spectacular new friends, too! But, I feel the weight of the tasks still at hand more than the victories I’ve worked so hard to earn.
As a counselor and educator for teen boys involved with the juvenile justice system, I put on a smile everyday. I love my work sons, and show them how to forge ahead in a healthy way when it doesn’t feel as though it’s possible-because I know. But, at the end of the day, I feel broken by everything pushing me into a proverbial corner. I feel unloved and unloveable.
My children-my own, that is-have engendered attitudes that have triggered the same feelings of doubt and instability that their father instilled in me years ago. Over the past three days alone, my oldest stood on my neck while I was trying to say goodnight to her 10-year-old brother; the following night, my 10-year-old antagonized the rest of us for 12 hours because he didn’t get sushi for lunch; and today, my little became so frustrated at bowling that he had a meltdown that resulted in biting, kicking, hitting, and scratching me-leaving cuts all over my arms, neck, and scalp.
I am exhausted. I want this year to be over. But, I’m afraid that nothing will change next year-even with help in place. In the meantime, I will continue to post positive looking moments to look back on the good. I hope for everyone who has struggled this year fir a better 2020. Love to all💜 #struggle #singleparent #Anxiety #ADHD #DisruptiveImpulseControlAndConductDisorders

Dear Social Media Friends, Family, and Readers:

It seems as though many of us have had a rough year. I have read wishes to see the end of 2019 from people I was not expecting to express such trying times. I feel you.
I tried changing my tune this year. I didn’t get as involved with sociopolitical posts. I pushed the positive moments of my personal life forwards. I posted a lot of pictures that reflected happiness and fulfillment-like many of us do. As much as I want to say that they were true reflections of how wonderful my life has been in 2019, I can’t honestly say that it’s been some landmark year in manifestation. If anything, this has been one of the most stressful years of my life-including the years leading up to and over my divorce.
I dealt with everything from a two-year relationship fraught with struggle, major health issues for my youngest child and myself, a major car crash, crippling expenses as a result of all of the above, work-related concerns, the loss of a beloved pet, a wasp infestation, a major flood in my living room, on-again-off-again smoking, losing two former students and neighbors (15 & 16 years old) to gun violence in their home, and the mounting worries and frustrations of raising an angry tween, an ADHD tween, and a 7 year old who may be on the spectrum-to name a few of my issues. I walked away from the relationship head held high, finally walked the stage with my BA Magna Cum Laude (along with a handful of other academic awards and honors), and made a bunch of spectacular new friends, too! But, I feel the weight of the tasks still at hand more than the victories I’ve worked so hard to earn.
As a counselor and educator for teen boys involved with the juvenile justice system, I put on a smile everyday. I love my work sons, and show them how to forge ahead in a healthy way when it doesn’t feel as though it’s possible-because I know. But, at the end of the day, I feel broken by everything pushing me into a proverbial corner. I feel unloved and unloveable.
My children-my own, that is-have engendered attitudes that have triggered the same feelings of doubt and instability that their father instilled in me years ago. Over the past three days alone, my oldest stood on my neck while I was trying to say goodnight to her 10-year-old brother; the following night, my 10-year-old antagonized the rest of us for 12 hours because he didn’t get sushi for lunch; and today, my little became so frustrated at bowling that he had a meltdown that resulted in biting, kicking, hitting, and scratching me-leaving cuts all over my arms, neck, and scalp.
I am exhausted. I want this year to be over. But, I’m afraid that nothing will change next year-even with help in place. In the meantime, I will continue to post positive looking moments to look back on the good. I hope for everyone who has struggled this year fir a better 2020. Love to all💜 #struggle #singleparent #Anxiety #ADHD #DisruptiveImpulseControlAndConductDisorders