Hi guys! I hope all of you are well and safe. Been such a long time since I wrote here. I am in the midst of filing for divorce - but due to flat issues, I can only finalise it only April next year. And i kept it a secret from him. Only my lawyers & psychiatrist knows about it.
My mum called and said she is going for an eye operation next month and told me my brother is footing the bills. And told me not to liasise with the hospital like what I did in the past to foot the bill if not my dad and my brother will quarrel with her.
I am not on good terms with my dad and brother as I took my parents to court due to domestic violence when i was young.
They objected my marriage 10 years back but I went ahead. As my husband is 17 years my senior. I knew at the back of my mind this is wrong. I still love my ex then. But I dont want my mum to “so call control my marriage and interfere” my marriage if I marry my ex as he is too young to handle all these.
I am working. Work is stressful as clients is kinda of shit. Sorry for the words. They expect me to drink with them after office hours. But i dont entertain that.
I have a uncle, whom I am very close to. I called him and told him that i am worried about my mum’s operation and why does they doesnt treat me like i am part of the family and why they still cant understand that i am seeing a psychiatrist?
He told me I am weak. As i am seeing a psychiatrist for around 10 years and yet i am still seeing him and needing medication every morning and night. He said i shouldnt be that weak. As everyone in the family is strong but not me. I tried my very best. Seems like i failed. He told me he dont know what he did that he got to listen to my problems.
No ones know i am seeing a psychiatrist except my husband and him. Even my friends dont know.
I am feeling so down.
Am i really that weak and immature? He said if he is my psychiatrist he would have given up on me. I am like stuck on my past and deny moving on.
No one knows what i am going through everyday. I got to ‘put’a mask on before i head for work. Like everything is fine.
At home too, i got to do all the chores and stuffs. My husband doesnt help with anything. He just left his job around a month ago.
I am really hurt. I dont want to be this way too. He really crushed my self eseteem by calling me weak. Is crying weak?
I am feeling kinda of self conscious cause i have acne scars on my face and I am doing anything to get rid of it.
Life is really tough.
He told me, my heart need to be made of steel by not behaving like a kid.
Sigh. I am feeling very sad. There is no one i can talk too. Does my psychiatrist really think that of me? Am i really that weak and useless? i am trying my best everyday single day.
I really hate myself for being in this.
Take care everyone!
#MajorDepressiveDisorder #PTSD #Anxiety #Marriage #Psychiatrist #Depression #sleepdisorder