Insecure

I can be sarcastic and joke a lot. Well last week I innocently made a joke towards a co-worker. The coworker later said she was offended, mainly because we had a visitor/observer that day. It doesn't even matter what the joke was about. Because she said her peace and my boss has said I'm not in trouble in any way. I just need to be more professional, especially when ourltsiders are present. I said I would do better.

The real problem is the lack of compassion I have for myself. I feel guilty, and ashamed, that I can't do or say anything right. I've been in therapy for many years. I realize these thoughts are not rational. So I'm trying to be gentle with myself. "All I can do is my best" "Everyone agrees it was an innocent mistake" "No one is mad at me" Did I mention I'm not in trouble.

Im having reoccurring moments of fighting tears. The only person punishing me is me. I've been redirecting my train of thought, using distraction, good night sleep, worked on hobbies, yet as I write this I keep thinking I'm horrible & all I want to do is curl up & cry. I see my therapist Tuesday. I'm saying all the she would say. I also feel a little angry that I can't just " let it go", I'm wishing I wasn't so hard on myself. Which brings me back to "well if I wasn't such a screw up then I wouldn't be having such a hard time." Or "I wouldn't make such a stupid mistake ". I'm angry that something so minor is so hard for me. I will be OK, right now how I feel sucks. I've included a picture of emotional support animal, Nicco.

I'm really going to try , not tonight as I'm gutted that I wasn't able to go out as I know it probably would have been a great night and I'd have enjoyed it once out ,well that's my positive thinking I may felt uncomfortable and overwhelmed and came back home because not are the last time I was out with the girls or in any environment like that.

But I'd have been happy I went atleast and tried that's a massive step I'd say.
But the fact I got all ready and then let my head ,and all the negative stuff and my insecurities get the better of me I'm gutted !!I'm angry qnd frustrated at myself that on top of everything else I couldn't do it ! Especially after always saying no for so long recently and feeling a little excited qnd got myself all ready. The fact I am now currently in bed I am gutted at myself , frustrated and angry that this is another thing now I am suffering with because of all the health changes.

Mental health is sometimes just absolutely debilitating and far too overwhelming!!

#MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #SkinCancer #narcissist #AloneTogether #Endometriosis #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #HeyEmma #longcovid #Insecure #COVID19

Well for the first time in absolutely ages and I mean ages , I agreed to meet up with the girls in town .I actually felt excited I got all ready like full ready ,changed my outfit about 4 times done my hair ,face everything !!I am now currently back in bed with my pj's on watching Netflix!!
My health's got so bad and some of the effects physically I just hate .Weight loss, severe hair loss,fatigue, my constant sickness and especially my confidence .I used to be happy with myself and how I felt and looked.i was content .I didn't really bother about anything.Itd not even about anyone else's opinions it's about how I feel when I look at myself ,all the changes that I notice.My scars that can now be seen ,especiallythe large one on side of my face I can no longer hide with my hair down due to how sever the hair loss has been can't even put it down properly anymore and that was like my comfort blanket in ways .I just absolutely have lost myself altogether. My crippling anxiety has been very bad the past week anyways so that's definitely not helping , but I was handling that and got ready and felt good until I stood and looked at myself 😭😭😭😭😭.

Hope everyone is having a safe, happy day 😊

#MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #SkinCancer #narcissist #AloneTogether #Endometriosis #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #HeyEmma #longcovid #Insecure #COVID19 #lost #overwhelmed

I make life so hard for those around me :( I a extremely irritable and easily angered since restarted an antidepressant and I don’t feel like myself and I feel like people are going t forget the real me while I’m lost 😢😔💔❤️‍🩹

I say true