LossOfAChild

I just heard some difficult news. A dear friend who I know has been struggling fighting serious health problems just told me they have a limited time left to live. It has reminded me how precious life is, how beautiful life is, how short lives can be, how fleeting our good health can be and how unfair life can be. As loved ones become ill and their health diminishes those of us close to them can feel helpless and just wish there was something we could do to lessen their pain, to alleviate their suffering, to concoct some sort of magic potion, a panacea to bring them back to good health and lengthen their lives back to that we once thought they had left.

But there is often nothing we can say that will help as much as we would like, despite our wanting to make a difference there is nothing we can do to change things and turn fate around, nothing we can offer to help alleviate their pain and suffering and nothing we can offer their family and friends to help cushion the blow.

As I heard the news of my friend’s declining health I was deeply saddened. They are young and can appear so vibrant and healthy, so strong and spirited …but I have known the truth, known their days were numbered…however I thought they had years to live, instead they just told me it is months, even weeks or days.

I just want to give them a big, deep, comforting, loving hug … but alas, life has them hours away. Life that is so fleeting for them has us separated by space that a hug can’t travel. It's just a virtual hug that I can offer. It’s a lot, but sadly I feel like it’s not enough.

I can only send my love and support through words. Yet I know this can make a difference. I know from first hand experience that thoughts and prayers can travel through a phone call, cyberspace and through intention and belief…but it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. It just doesn’t seem fair. It seems like there is a void that cannot be filled.

So I will keep them in my thoughts and prayers. Those words can seem hollow and often insignificant because they are shared so often that they don’t seem to mean enough anymore… but I will think about them a lot, I will pray for them, I will send my blessings that they don’t suffer, that they are not in pain, that they can enjoy every moment left in their life, that their joy and spirit will give them strength to live their remaining life to its fullest as much as they can.

I will deeply mourn the loss of this friend, I will mourn the loss of a young life cut short, I will mourn someone I will not be able to hug… but I also know that they would want me to celebrate their life, celebrate the joy and exuberance they lived that life with, celebrate all the ways they touched others and made a difference in our lives. I will celebrate them, celebrate life … even if it can be short. I will celebrate their spirit and the memories that cannot be taken away. That part of their life is left with us all …forever!

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Disability #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #Selflove #Selfcare #PTSD #COVID19 #Migraine #Headache #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #Bipolar1Disorder #BipolarDepression #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #HIVAIDS #longtermsurvivor #RareDisease #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #Fibromyalgia #Cancer #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope #relief #Joy #happy #TheMighty #MightyTogether #MightyMinute #mentalhealthwarrior #Grief #LossOfAParent #LossOfAChild #ChildLoss #Death #Mourning #sad #worry #Fear

How do you talk to a young child about Suicide?

It’s never a conversation you want to have , but have it!

There is no black or white when it’s comes to losing someone to Suicide. Having to look my other 2 children in the face and telling them that their brother was gone was just another rip of my heart. Having to tell them how , not having answers for why… ripped even more. Our youngest was just 8. We decided not to tell him how his brother died right away. At the time, we did what we thought was best. We wanted to protect his innocence for as long as we could… or maybe we were protecting ourselves? Was it hard having the same conversation with our middle son who was 17 when his brother died!!!

The truth is both times were just as hard. I just didn’t see it that way at first. Sometimes we protect our kids more my telling them the painful and uncomfortable things.

There is no perfect parenting manual just as there isn’t a perfect way to grieve. I am still always learning, and my children themselves still teach me.

Telling my youngest about Suicide didn’t change what happened. It didn’t make his pain of loss any greater than it was. What it did do is make him feel safe. Safe to ask any questions he will ever have and know he will always get the truth. I can’t change the events that have happened in our lives but I can protect them by supporting them with any struggle they have.

His questions come in waves and most always are when I least expect them. Sometimes my answer has to be “ Bud I just don’t know”, but we talk. Sometimes we cry and sometimes we laugh after …. but we talk about it 💙

I wish I could have, I know I should have…..💙💙💙 Have the convo I didn’t ! It’s ok to talk about it. It’s ok to not be ok . #Suicide #LossOfAChild #Grief #itsoktotalkaboutit

After finding out I was pregnant earlier last month it was like a wave of emotions would wash over me every day. It wasn’t until about my 5th week when my doctor started to worry about it being a viable pregnancy. For some reason, I didn’t even know how I felt about that news... I guess I was still processing that I was even pregnant.

Last week my doctor finally called it... I had a missed miscarriage. Although it was looked as something that was common in 1 in 4 women, it doesn’t prepare you for the pain and heartbreak that comes after hearing that you’ve lost you first child.

I just keep thinking about what my therapist had told me about #Grief. Sometimes it does not happen right away... sometimes it takes days, weeks, months, years even... Grief can come at any time... and that’s okay.

#Grief #Depression #LossOfAChild #Miscarriage #empty #Sadness #hurt #heartbreak