stigmafighter

I have realized, people pleasing has been part of my agenda all of my life. When you live with mental disorders, it often comes naturally...as we try to make up for our perceived deficits. I have often fostered toxic relationships, even clung to them. I am not saying I'm not culpable, or that I have not brought toxicity into relationships. What I have finally come to terms with, is I am not for everyone. Everyone is not for me. I still choose to walk in love with others, even if maintaining a relationship is not possible. That's pretty huge, for someone like me. I have tried to force relationships, as I was always the "fixer" in my family. My role was "make everyone happy"and things will be great. Not so much. I was displaying more of a God Complex, in retrospect. Trauma children acquire an innate ability to people please. By default, if it means you won't get the blank kicked out of you that day, or, other types of abuse, it makes sense. Carrying that process of people pleasing into adulthood, can be dangerous, however. I now fully accept, if I am not understood, if I have to continually explain my very existence, if I am judged by those who do not even wish to get to know me...I will no longer trip over myself to make it work. This even goes for family members. I am often rejected and labeled by others. I have relatives who will not engage with me, as I am neurodiverse. I have relatives that do not acknowledge my existence. That's on them. We all have light and dark, good and bad. To judge me, due to stigma and an uneducated stance, is not on me. I have and continue to do everything possible to rectify the symptoms I live with. Rectify as in make myself socially acceptable in a neurotypical environment. If you KNOW me, I have much love, and am generous to a fault. I walk in forgiveness and confront issues. I expect trust, not deceit, from those I love. The constant stress of trying to live up to expectations of others, is no longer an option for me. I am very aware of my limitations. I must lay down my expectations, if others lay them down for me. Part of this is very freeing. The other part is radical acceptance. The in between, is pure Hell.
❤️Alice

#Iamnotforeveryone
#RadicalAcceptance
#nomorepeoplepleasing
#childhoodtraumasurvivor
#PTSD
#CPTSD
#BPD
#PersonalityDisorders
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#neurodiverse
#neurotypical
#empathizeeducateadvocate
#searchingforgrey
#weareallfalable
#Judgement
#MentalHealthAwareness
#stigmafighter
#warrior

I have realized, people pleasing has been part of my agenda all of my life. When you live with mental disorders, it often comes naturally...as we try to make up for our perceived deficits. I have often fostered toxic relationships, even clung to them. I am not saying I'm not culpable, or that I have not brought toxicity into relationships. What I have finally come to terms with, is I am not for everyone. Everyone is not for me. I still choose to walk in love with others, even if maintaining a relationship is not possible. That's pretty huge, for someone like me. I have tried to force relationships, as I was always the "fixer" in my family. My role was "make everyone happy"and things will be great. Not so much. I was displaying more of a God Complex, in retrospect. Trauma children acquire an innate ability to people please. By default, if it means you won't get the blank kicked out of you that day, or, other types of abuse, it makes sense. Carrying that process of people pleasing into adulthood, can be dangerous, however. I now fully accept, if I am not understood, if I have to continually explain my very existence, if I am judged by those who do not even wish to get to know me...I will no longer trip over myself to make it work. This even goes for family members. I am often rejected and labeled by others. I have relatives who will not engage with me, as I am neurodiverse. I have relatives that do not acknowledge my existence. That's on them. We all have light and dark, good and bad. To judge me, due to stigma and an uneducated stance, is not on me. I have and continue to do everything possible to rectify the symptoms I live with. Rectify as in make myself socially acceptable in a neurotypical environment. If you KNOW me, I have much love, and am generous to a fault. I walk in forgiveness and confront issues. I expect trust, not deceit, from those I love. The constant stress of trying to live up to expectations of others, is no longer an option for me. I am very aware of my limitations. I must lay down my expectations, if others lay them down for me. Part of this is very freeing. The other part is radical acceptance. The in between, is pure Hell.
❤️Alice

#Iamnotforeveryone
#RadicalAcceptance
#nomorepeoplepleasing
#PeoplePleaser
#cantbuylove
#neurodiverse
#neurotypical
#empathizeeducateadvocate
#searchingforgrey
#childhoodtraumasurvivor
#PTSD
#CPTSD
#BPD
#PersonalityDisorders
#Judgement
#MentalHealthAwareness
#stigmafighter
#warrior

Nice thing that happened today: I got complimented on my fashion sense by a lady at the eye doctor's office. (I was wearing an old Holy Clothing tunic, skinny jeans, and silver Doc Martens. Of course, I do have purple hair and all.)

Not-so-nice thing that happened today Seeing a post in one of my Facebook groups where a person talks about her client being "nice" one day and "totally rude" the next and then says the client must be bipolar. Then someone else chimes in in the comments and says "Sounds more like borderline personality disorder to me."

I made a comment that basically, "Um, hi, person with bipolar disorder here. Stigmatizing mental illness does nobody any good and shows either a misunderstanding of the illness( es) or deliberate cruelty. I told them that if the client is an a--hole just say they're an a--hole don't conflate a--holiness to mental illness. I also said I don't care if they think I have no sense of humor or I'm 'too sensitive' because of my response."

The nice thing is that I wasn't the only person calling out the OP for her shaming.

#BipolarDisorder #BPD #stigmafighter

She lectured at me again tonight. She kept saying that I have a problem and my service dog doesn’t help. This problem she refers to is my #MentalIllness and she kept saying that this is what will keep me from getting a job or holding down a job or being discriminated against (rather subtly) so I lose my job. She says I’m capable as a student but that my problem is holding me back. I feel so incredibly defeated. I don’t know why I try to be a #stigmafighter when I get pushed down and smothered all the time. Why try anymore? #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #ServiceDogs