Hunger

I get to a point when my anxiety is ruling me that I no longer feel hunger just sickness. The thought of food, the smell of food it all makes me gag and I could go days without eating till the anxiety has subsided. I wake up in the night dry heaving coz it’s causing me to have another panic attack. I go to work and can’t control my tears when people ask me if I’m okay, they don’t understand. What would be a minor thing to them is massive to me yet I know deep down I’m being silly. Why can I not control my own mind and my emotions? #Lostinmyhead #Emotions #Anxiety #PanicAttack #Hunger #noappetite #Sickness #nocontrol

I feel like my mitochondria are suffocating.
I feel like my cells lack oxygen.
Laying down, I feel like I’m being crushed by bricks.
My heart is beating too fast, too hard. I feel it through the thin wall in my chest and it throbs.
My circulation feels cut off when I lay on my arm.
My muscles ache. They twitch and spaz.
This fatigue is incomprehensible.
When I lay on my side, one knee atop another, the contact of bone is uncomfortable.
I want to scream, but lack the energy to do so.
I’m hungry, but too weak to get up to get food.
I’m exhausted, but can’t sleep.
I’m in pain, but meds require too much from me to get up and take them.
I’m bored, but too brain-fogged to do anything productive.
My arms won’t hold a book up.
My fingers are weary from typing.
My eyes are too sore to look at a screen.
I’m too sick to work but apparently not sick enough to get disability.
I only make it into the doctors office on good days.
I want to enjoy my good days; pretend I’m not sick; then to everyone else it looks like I really am not sick.
I’m in too much pain to go on, but not severe enough to get help from the ER.
My doctors don’t have answers.
Other practitioners treat me like a guinea pig.
Everyone has their idea of what will “fix” or “cure” me, or what I’m doing wrong.
It hurts to lie down. It hurts to stand. To sit, to walk.
I move from my bed because I hurt, then back to my bed because I hurt; all the meanwhile using energy I don’t have.
My spoons have run short. I think I’m on next year’s supply.
I wish I had a doctor who knew more about what’s going on with me than I do.

#LymeDisease #ChronicFatigue #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #Muscle #Joint #ahces #Pain #Fatigue #exhaustion #nausea #Twitching #Hunger #tired #Spoonie #help #Relateable #mitochondria #circulation #Tachycardia

I love shows that involve really close friends because I crave friendship like that. I have a wonderful fiancé, but there's something really special about friendship. I hunger for friendship & genuine connection so bad that watching shows like Friends or The Office or How I Met Your Mother or Glee really help fill that void for a little while. Can anyone else relate? If so, what shows do you watch? #Anxiety #Hunger #Connection #Friendship #tvshows

I'm just going hungry tonight. There is nothing to eat in the house - and I mean nothing!  I considered ordering pizza, but I often get very anxious when calling, especially the same place - like they'll remember me. As if they would care.  I did an on line search for other types of restaurants who deliver, wrote a number down and that was all it took to set me off with a racing heart.  It's just easier to go hungry than to use the phone.  I live alone.  I'm starting to get worried I can't even feed myself.  Maybe it's time to resume therapy.  I am so tired . . .