nocontact

Dear T,

I saw on Facebook that the aurora borealis could be seen from the sky tonight, so I slid open the porch door and stepped outside on the cold and wet grass to see if I could find it. I looked up and didn’t see any colors, but saw so many stars. The sky is clear tonight. As soon as I saw those stars, the first thing I thought of was you. And I remembered that today was Day 100 of no contact.

That moment, when I realized how long it’s been, I stared at the apartment and realized that I’ve built a life both with and without you. You helped me get started here. You left me as I was growing into my independent adult self. I’ve had to keep going without you in so many ways. When it gets hard, I have to remember that none of this was my choice and what I wanted, but I have to do the best I can because I can’t change it.

Over the past month or so, I’ve learned about how life has treated you since you left. I have toiled over the fact that you have suffered while I slept peacefully in the night. Ironically, it was me who toiled in the night a few months ago while you slept, likely quite deeply, without me.

I have learned that you don’t speak to me because you believe that’s what I want. I have too much self-respect to reach out to the man who left me. But a part of me, every single day, wishes that you would. It would be the privilege of my life to hear you say you’re sorry and for me to forgive you, if you, like me, think this was a huge mistake.

The bigger problem is that I have grown stronger and tried to heal, and you have fallen deeper into despair and self ruin. I would not hesitate to help you, but you need to want to help yourself first. All we can do, those of us who love you, is be there. Whether you’ve known it or not, I’ve still been there in spirit for you through my grief. And I’m so sorry for your suffering.

I love you deeply. And like you, this was not the outcome I wanted. I still hope our paths, while parallel, will eventually intersect and run the same track someday again.

Love,
K

#Grief #breakup #nocontact #Anxiety #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder

Hey there, I‘m 24 years old and I’m diagnosed with bpd.
So here’s the thing, when I lived at my moms house with her husband and my brother, it was the worst time after moving out of my dads house (yeah, relationships with my parents are kinda my thing).

I didn’t have the chance to express my feelings, I always had to explain myself and didn’t feel safe at all. She didn’t respect boundaries or asked why I react the way I do.

There was a time where I was addicted to alcohol (I’m sober for two years and will never go back) and drank two bottles of alcohol on a regular wednesday. All I remember is me crying and sobbing about my life and everything, but no one heard it. I stayed in my room until I had to vomit and needed my mother to help me (cause I wasn’t able to do that).
But instead of asking me what’s wrong or why I’m drinking, she just yelled at me.

Her father was an alcoholic, but that doesn’t mean I’m one too, right? A few months later my car almost broke and I decided that it was time to get a new car. So I made an appointment and took my girlfriend and my girlfriends mother with me.
Finally I had the guts to decide that I want this car at all cost.

And I worried and worried I’m till I felt sick. Yeah well, I told them and what could I say? They reacted the way I expected them to react.
Lots of yelling, telling me I could leave and that kind of shit. „How could you do this without asking us?!“
And I realized that I will never be happy or be myself around them.

It was the first time I did something on my own, and now I’m living in my own apartment and I’m SO GLAD.

After I moved in I continued talking to them.
But the criticism got too much for me, in her eyes I did and do everything wrong.

I already feel like a failure sometimes and I think it’s because of her treatment.
I’m also fairly convinced that she is a narcissist.

My brother still lives at her place, don’t know how he can handle it but I don’t care. She doesn’t treat him the way she does me. I’ve always been held to a different standard.

I have to live with the damage that my parents did to me and honestly it’s not easy, but then, no mental illness is easy.

So, do you regret cutting off contact?
#BPD #nocontact #Toxic #narcissist

I’ve been feeling tired and fatigued so much for the last week. I’ve been sleeping late and this weekend I’ve felt so unmotivated. Today, I gave in to fatigue and had a three hour nap. I woke up wishing I could sleep forever. I know this is depression because I’m dealing with personal issues involving my family; I’m taking steps to go no-contact and it’s so devastating to know your family, particularly my mother, could care less about you and only want to emotionally abuse you. The pain is overwhelming. I also just started a new job so asking for a mental health day is a bit too soon. I’ll try to exercise more to get the hormones going and try to do what I enjoy to fight this depression. It’s going to very tough though. #DepressionAndMentalHealth #MajorDepression #nocontact #EmotionalAbuse #EmotionalNeglect #Familytroubles

About two months ago, in August, I removed my toxic Mother from my life. For good. This time. My youngest Brother has had no contact with her since December, and my other Brother has had limited contact with her for most of his adult life.

This weekend is Thanksgiving here in Canada and my Mother’s Birthday is the end of the month. I feel a lot of guilt, she is single and has very few friends and next to no relationship with her siblings and her parents are in very poor health. I know neither of my Brothers are having her over for dinner, and I don’t want to have her over either, and my own family (Husband and two adult sons) are very firm on her being no good for me. I can handle Thanksgiving, but her Birthday I am really struggling with. A part of me wants to at least mail her a Birthday card even though we live in the same city. If I call, text or email I’m afraid she’ll see it as an invite back into my life and she’ll be back to blaming me for my mental health struggles. Mailing her a card feels like it is closed communication, but helps me manage my own guilt. Any thoughts?

I recently decided to cut my abusive and toxic mother out of my life. I am dealing with lots of different emotions, from shame to loss. I am looking for support from others that have gone through the same thing. #abusiveparent #nocontact #NeedSupport

#coworker with diagnosed #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Borderline arrives at work in morning, shuts herself in office with door closed, doesn’t come out to say #Goodmorning to #Coworkers. #nocontact whatsoever for most of day.

Could this be a trait of coexistant #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder as well?

#sad #lonely #nocontact #Depression