Feel so overwhelmed and alone
Sometimes I wish I can just drive away without my kids and move to a different country and have my old life. I feel so selfish saying this.
I Can't Afford To Lose Me Again
I saw a instagram reel about a woman being asked if she's going to have more kids and with everyquestion she was asked, she stated "I can't afford to lose me again".
"I can't afford to lose me again" hit me HARD.
2 years later we had our second boy and postpartum depression and rage hit me even harder than the first time, undiagnosed this time around. My patience wears thin with having a baby whose usually always fussy while a 2 y/o is clinging to me and wanting attention, sleepless nights and having the stress of household chores being a stay at home mom.
Some days I want to cry (sometimes I do and days OK). Some days I want to just escape for the day. Some days I just want a bottle of wine and a bubble bath.
And some days I just don't want to have a mom free title for a day. I am currently working through all my emotions and hope it slowly gets better. It's a process that takes time.
ALL OF THAT IS NORMAL.
You always see comments about mothers who suffer with postpartum issues that read "you need to appreciate having children", "you need to be more understanding with your children", "your children need you", etc...but you never see support for the mothers who are experiencing postpartum depression, anxiety and rage.
Being a mother is hard, but even harder when you're dealing with disorders. I knew being a mom wasn't an easy task, but I also never thought I'd be the one to fall into postpartum disorders. I always thought I'd be the perfect mom, the happiest mom and the fun mom.
A mother's mental health matters.
Don't feel guilty needing breaks.
Don't feel guilty not wanting to be a mom for a day.
Don't feel guilty for not wanting more kids.
Don't feel guilty for not feeling like yourself or being the so called "best mom".
Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your kids.
I feel so guilty 😔 sorry for the rant.
Some days are good then there are days like today. I am very pregnant and baby should be here in a few weeks, but I feel so bad for my low moods.
Not getting out of bed, doing my chores, taking care of myself, and just being depressed. Not even these little things but big things too that I've been procrastinating for some time, I feel like I could go on and on about things I need to do. I can't really put it into words... I really just want to be better for my husband and soon to be son 😪. My husband is doing sooo much for me and i just want to be helpful as well, be a team. It hurts so much that my depression is still here and strong.
I feel guilty for feeling this way. And no this is not just hormones... though they probably make things worse.
I made a choice that I want to live a few weeks ago, I am not going to give up. But dang this is hard.
#mamas #Motherhood #ChronicDepression #Suicide #PostpartumDisorders #Pregnancy
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