Disappointed

I've decided not to make dinner tonight. I just feel really down and sad. I'm craving baked Brie with fig jam and prosciutto in puff pastry. It's so decadent. I didn't take my butter out of the fridge so it could soften for grilled cheese sandwiches. And I don't have anything thawed out for dinner. My caregiver said she'd make herself some oatmeal. She said she'd clean the kitchen tonight. It's really bad. I asked her if we could go out on Sunday for a date day and she said we could go to the flea market that's 8 minutes from my apartment. I said I was really craving bubble tea cuz the store I wanted to go to is nextdoor to my favorite bubble tea shop. I'm really disappointed. We haven't gone out together in over 5 months. I just wanted to have fun.

#Depression #sad #Disappointed #Caregiving

I've been having dizzy spells for 3 days. I almost fell in the shower. I've never had this kind of dizzy spell. The room is spinning really fast. I cancelled going to cooking class. I was really looking forward to going. My head hurts too. I'm gonna message my doctor and see if he wants me to make an appointment.

#Disappointed

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I've finally told my mom that after considering, I plan to move with my dad, and said that it had nothing against her. She was offended, she even said it, too. Continuously guilt-tripping me with words like "I do everything I can for you, and yet you still chose him over me."

I told her to stop guilt-tripping me and told her numerous times that it had nothing against her. She acted like she wasn't offended and understood my decision, but as someone with autism and whose mother has been mentally abusive for most of my life, I knew she was deep down. She denied that she was guilt-tripping, and has even accused me of guilt-tripping her when I said out loud that I then wanted to kill myself (out of stress, disbelief, and not wanting to deal with the pain anymore). Not to mention that I was just looking for ways to kill myself three days ago because of this stupid society. She even said something like "how can you get mad at me when everyone else in the world does that" when I mentioned that she used to fat-shame me, shame me for not taking showers at times and compared me to others, etc... she even denied that she even MOCKED me because she thought that I was offended, when really I couldn't hear her the first time, and I told her that, too!!

I don't fucking care if she started to talk in a more understanding matter and was no longer offended and acts like she actually cares about me (like she does every fucking time we have start an argument), I'm not forgiving her for saying those things. At this point, she doesn't deserve it. One of my queerplatonic partners (not friends, but not romantic) is now pissed.. well, every one of my partners are now pissed at her at this point, and are very glad that I chose to move in with my dad instead of staying with her. She has never changed when it comes to my dad. I'm honestly very disappointed that she even acted that way. I'm fucking 21 years old, a fucking adult who can make their own fucking decisions, and yet she still hasn't changed. 😞😡

I already don't like my (older) sister very much, either, because I always feel like she gaslights me whenever we get into conflict as well.

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #Anxiety #Family #FamilyAndFriends #GuiltTrip #SocialAnxiety #moving #SocialAnxietyDisorder #Disappointed #MentalHealth #WOW #Parent #Parents #mentalabuse #Abuse #Siblings #Gaslighting

I’m walking through a very tough situation. Please pray for me. My job fell through and is now a legal matter. I must move because I have no income. I cannot understand why this is happening. My heart aches.

#hurt #Disappointed

So, the EEG came back normal, back to drawing board. it is not siezures so I should be happy, and I guess I am. Just ugh, I want to be able to be active again without feeling lightheaded and it getting worse later in the day.

Keep having episodes where I can’t stay conscious. I have light headedness/ sluggishness that happens before hand. I attempt to lay down to relieve it and it gets worse after. I can hear what is happening around me during the loss of consciousness but vaguely.

Fighting it off is the hardest and if I stand go get water trying to walk feels weird. Apparently too vague for doctors to understand. Doctors just keep saying I need to lose weight or see a therapist. I know what anxiety feels like and it is seperate.#Undiagnosed #Disappointed #unanswered

Now I'm sitting here with only my best friend; she's the only one I have left. My mother doesn't text me anymore because I told her that it can't go on like this - I'm dying in the relationship. And now it hurts. It hurts to see mother and daughters somewhere who are happy, and to see parents who are good to children and love them. It hurts. I'd like to write to her, but what's the point? #Toxicmom #Toxic #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #Disappointed

× Sooo Since I Was A Newborn Me And My Twin Brother Were Put Up For Adoption In 1984. My Brith Mother I Guess Didn't Want Damaged Babies With Cerebral Palsy...Learning Disabilities Etc. We Got Adpoted By A Mexican Family That Already Had Another Foster Kid Aka My Sister. But She's Not My Sister She's Adopted Also. In Short One Of My Older Brother's Decided To Send Me Nasty Mean Text's. Saying That I Need To Get My S$%t Together × And Get On Disability ASAP. I Have Tried They Take Six Month's To Apply. I Have Gotten Denied Already. And Everyone I Have Talked To With SSA Write's Me Off. Telling Me That I Need To Be In A Wheelchair. In Order To Get Disability In TX. I Gave Up Because It's Too Much Stress. That's Why I Would Rather Work. Ever Since I Have Moved Back Here. It Has Been Nothing But Asking Me Question's About Money. I Walked Away From My 17 Year Marriage With Nothing. No Spousal Support Ethier. Today My Brother Really Showed His True Color's. He Texted Me. To Stay The Hell Away From Everyone. And To Pretty Much F%%% Off. I Might As Well Play Dead Then. Sincerely S.K.#NoFamilyAnymore #Onmyown

so I've been on this app for 24hrs and I already had a man message me trying to bully and pressure me into sending him body pics of myself. Another request I blocked was from a man who was one person in his profile picture one moment and then suddenly a different person drastically the next time I looked. Are there a lot of scammers on this app?? I joined this app to have a safe space. I imagine ppl prey on vulnerable people on this app... which is very disheartening. I definitely don't want to be harassed or preyed upon like this is a dating app or something.. which isn't ok on a dating app either.. this man was telling me his wife died and he might lose his kids to repeatedly trying to make me feel like I owed him a picture of my body which was extremely triggering.. I did block an report him. I hope he doesn't do this to anyone else on here who may fall into his pressuring.. his choice in words were very manipulative. I'm feeling defeated and hopeless. I've been extremely reclusive no social media or anything and anytime I put myself out there online I start losing faith in humanity... but I am greatful for the positive interactions on here. I have a consult with for a potential new therapist tomorrow and I definitely did not need the messages I received tonight :(