hurting

Lots going on trying to keep strong and positive but would appreciate any hugs or warm positive wishes my way, thanks so much and I’ll do the same for you too! 🦋🦋🦋🌈🌈 #Overwhelm #sad #happy #confused #journey #alone #Trying #counselling #hurting #DoingMyBest #cry #Selfcompassion

I just received word of a Very Dear Friends passing. This is hitting me so hard right now, I don't know how to cope. It seems like I am always having people to either walk out of my life or the pass on to the next life. What is hitting me so hard is, I didn't know how sick they were and I now kind of realize that their last plea was a way to say goodbye and I completely missed it because of dealing with my own selfish health issues. I am now flooded with so many memories. What do I do now? My Heart is shattered once again from pain and grief. I have never been able to deal with death very well as I have experienced so much of it in my time here. To make matters worse I hate fighting these types of battles ALONE. It seems that I am always in a battle, Where is the Love, compassion and understanding?
#Desperate to Heal
#Tenderheart
#I just want Forever Love

Today is just a struggle day. Whether it is from the anxiety, splitting, dysthymia with a current depressive episode, adhd, binge eating, abandonment…..couldn’t sleep last night because of anxiety. The few hours I did get, when I woke up the anxiety level was still high and I just wanted to cry. Okay…I have cried a few times. Any amount of tears is crying for me, I used to be, as my family called me, “a heartless bitch.” I miss being oblivious to feelings.

Every since my male FP gained a new female friend…I always feel in flight or fight mode. Most days I can ignore it easily., others not so much. I feel like I’m being replaced. It doesn’t mean I feel like he will abandon me, but that he is putting someone over me.

How I was taught love, is by attention. If you have someone’s attention they love you. If not? They don’t.
#struggleisreal #hurting #Crying #Ugh #FavoritePerson

So much is going through my mind right now I just found out that one of ex partners/abusers killed her self a few days ago . And I feel like I want to feel bad about this but the honest to god truth is I don’t. She proved her self to be selfish and uncaring towards others and she had tried to take her life multiple times the last time she did, she not only wanted to harm herself but others around her. And someone that has that much in caring towards themselves and others I find it very very hard to give a damn about!
Does this make me and evil person?
I also am dealing with a very hard thing of that someone I used to be incredibly good friends with has not had contact with me in nearly over two months. And this was at one point someone I could turn to and talk to about almost anything in life espically if I was having a hard time . I don’t know how he feels about me anymore or if I can truly count him as friend anymore and coming to terms with that is really hard for me .
Espically after discovering that these two partners I was with had been taking advantage of me and sexual abusing me for their own selfish means!
I made a comment about the news I had found out to my fiancé and he got incredibly mad about it. Not as mad as he could have. But I felt guilty for evening bringing up the subject. I momentarily forgot that , this person had not only abused and taken advantage of me but had also done it to him also. And where as I mifht which I had any feelings on the matter he has none and dosnt wish to. This person had at one point when she was being sucidal towards herself turned around and became homicidal towards literally everyone in the house espically him and began at one point , calling him racial slurs and threatening to kill not only herself but hun and everyone in the household.
She had disregard for her own life as well as anyone else’s! #hurting #confused #Feelingbad #feelingguilty

What's saddest is not when the people closest to you first realize / confess that they're scared of you, but that you don't actually remember why you hurt them / why it's such a big deal b/c what you did feels like another normal day to you... live and learn #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #indenial

I had met what I call My pandemic friend... or so I thought. Boy was I ever wrong. Turns out they are nothing but toxic sewer sludge. That only cares about themselves and no one else. I was finally served my walking papers as I was told I am not, nor ever was good enough to be their friend. And that they only talked to me for laughs and amusement. I want to cry because I can't believe anyone could be that heartless, cold and evil. But I am grateful that the only thing I lost was my time I invested... well that and my compassion. I am hurting and I feel so low and depressed right now. These are the times I really miss My Mom! I do not know if I have the fight left to bounce back from this one.
#So Alone, #hurting , #Toxic People, #Healing , #Desperate

Good afternoon!! I’m sitting here wondering if you all have been married and sick for about the same time? I wonder sometimes “is he angry at me because I’m sick and he didn’t sign up for this”? Do you all think that way? I know it’s not productive! How do you get those thoughts to STOP! #tired of being tired #Depression #hurting #Fibromyalgia

I just recently lost the love of my life to depression. He took his life recently Dec. 8th. I feel to broken and lost and empty without him. I’m trying my hardest not to fill my life with things. I don’t want to be a shopaholic, a drunk, an addict of drugs, etc. but if I don’t do something soon I feel like I’ll take my own life. Please I need help. He wouldn’t get help and I feel like he wants me too but I’m lost and hurt and my chest is heavy, I can’t think straight, I just want to curl into a ball and die. It doesn’t help that I think it’s my fault. I loved the shit out of him and he left me. Fuck..
#helpme
#hurting
#Depression