Sorry

Hello mighty peeps
You know that your day was a total mess, when it’s 6PM, and everything you’ve tried to do, has gone T…s up!
I call #Bipolar , #BPD , #Depression and #ADD that live in my brain, The Dragons.
Today, they woke up, and #roared like mad!
It works like this:
#the dragons spit #fiery insults at #Loved ones… and I am #helpless to stop them. I seem to be saying #Sorry a lot, for stuff I’ve not done. The worst of it for me, is feeling #helpless . Then, for some stupid reason, every single thing I attempt? #Broken ! My computer decided to stop working, the postman left my packages from an expensive online shop in another district, never to be seen again. Post office takes NO blame!?! Then before computer kicked off, I get an email from another online store’ my package was returned, and I must pay more money for a re-delivery??? The postman is on my hitlist. Everything including my voice is gone, my #mind is #roaring with #fury , #Bipolar is having such fun! And I’m about to take a chill pill, or I’m not responsible.
I hope you all have a fabulous evening
♥️♥️♥️

I'm a person who says sorry even when it's not needed or anything. For instance, a coworker bumped into a bookcase as he was walking by me and I apologized to him. All I did was witness it happen but I felt the need to say sorry. I feel if anyone might be disappointed or upset even if I didn't cause those feelings, I must say sorry.
I've learned I don't know if I can stop this behavior as I have done this since I was very little as my mom had also did the sorry dumping on people. I want the ability to not say sorry but the first hurdle is to stop the automatic reaction to say it. So lately I keep going "I'm sss... Nope." It doesn't make sense unless you know what I'm wanting to say and what I'm doing to not say it.
Catching myself before I say it has been tough. I know why I do it. I know it doesn't help anything or anyone to say it like I do. I just feel better to say it. No one else does tho and has made some arguments happen because I said sorry when I didn't need to.
So every time I say it, I am trying to say nope. Not now, not needed. Work in progress! #Sorry #CPTSD #workinprogress

I just realized that someone erased everything off all my posts on my groups and the emotions discussions are gone as well as all the posts since I created this group which is horribly upsetting and disturbing many heartfelt things and responses from my members are totally wiped away as well as my notifications and many other things it’s horribly unfair and I apologize to my members and new members that my group looks like it just started and there’s posts on there I did not approve and it looks like someone else has posted a discussion that I did not approve or had control of and wanted to apologize that my direct messages were not working for over a year and now the group is not working properly again and I’m having a hard time seeing delayed messages from before and alot never reached me ever I now realize unfortunately I feel helpless as usual and trying to have my groups under these circumstances but it’s not the way I wish for my groups to look like or act things must not be posting and things are being erased before I can see or read things constantly lots of hours and hard work and thoughts are completely gone and the support I wanted ti provide has been totally erased I will try to post new things but sorry that my site looks like nothing now again things are being erased constantly and very frequently I will be in touch with everyone as best I can but I’m having issues signing in because I have no app that got erased too I’m sorry that a few members have replying that they are upset they are not getting replies it’s because either I never see them or it takes 1-2weeks to show up I’ve been asking for help but have not received any sorry everyone please be in touch so I can see if I atleast get messages

I have been doing pretty well staying positive until now. maybe i was just ignoring all of my issues for a while. I just find it so difficult to do things that are so easy for others.

I have been trying since the start of augest to figure out my EI, I still am unable to make an account. I just dont undersand these things, they stress me out. and as soon as i get help and people tell me what i need to do, i go home and try to do it and it just does not work.

I have no money.... and i am starting to get really stressed.

I really hate how having an invisible disability can really take a massive toll on your life.

I literally am lost.

I am not stupid, I just cant seem to complete these things.

I cant seem to get the help i need to get this done, especially without feeling like i am being judged.

I am about to have a child, I need to also figure out all the maternity benifits, and child benifits. I cant put everything on my husband to do for me!!!! he has enough to do.

I feel judged or down on myself for having a child if my disability is this bad.

nobody thinks that its this bad.

I've been overlooked my whole life,

because I am a girl?

maybe its becouse i am quite and keep to myself?

The government has failed me my whole life. At this point i feel like just giving up on getting any benifits and just trying to be as cheap as i can to survive.

I wish i was maybe a bit better. Maybe then i could provide a better life for myself and my new family.

#soontobeparent #ADHD #hiddendisability #Anxiety #Depression #Sorry #confusedaboutlife #Procrastination #Disability

I guess i feel like i must do this. I don't/wouldn't want anyone mad at me.

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety

I've not eaten in 18hrs now. Usually i don't eat for 18/20hrs every day. With today i've fasted for almost 10 days i think... and when i eat, i eat less than 200 calories. Today i don't want to eat nothing, yes i've reached the 18hrs but i don't want to eat. I suffer from anorexia and now my bmi is 15.0. I don't know what to do because yes i feel so bad and i have 0 energy but i don't want to tell anyone i know because i don't want to disappoint them and....i don't want help. But i want to talk to someone of what i'm doing and what happens to me or how i feel without the risk to trigger this person....and if someone wants to chat i usually don't talk. So i'm alone i guess......
I feel guilty for this post but i needed to. #AnorexiaNervosa #help #Sorry #Fasting #whatshouldido

I've been a terrible friend in the past year. I have deliberately not responded to dozens of messages, and deliberately not even opened dozens more. I just got to a point of being so burnt out and overwhelmed that I had no emotional or mental energy to share anymore.

I had a message sitting in my inbox for the last two days and decided to open it tonight. It was from someone I was fairly close to about five years ago. He was letting me know that he and his fiancée were finally reunited in the same country and getting married. The wedding was going to be a few hours from when I opened the message (on the other side of the world) and I was invited to join their celebration via video link.

I didn't.

I started having an anxiety attack thinking about it, thinking about who I am, about who I'm not, about how I have failed and am failing and continue to fail. And anything to do with weddings is a trigger these days, anyway.

I can lie to him and say that it was late and I fell asleep - reasonable enough - but I can't tell him the real reason.

And this is why I keep failing as a friend. Even in these greatest moments of someone's life.

I learned as a child that, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all," and I don't think I've had anything positive to say in years at this point so I've just stopped talking. I can only excuse myself so many times before it just seems that there is none of *me* left, buried under all the apologies. So I stop even making the apologies to release a bit of the weight and I pretend it doesn't matter that I'm missing all the births, deaths, and marriages, because, what do I have to offer anyway?

I'm a shell of myself and I don't think an old friend would even recognize me anymore. Who am I if I'm not even a good friend?

#Relationships #Friendship #Identity #Sorry #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Breakups #Weddings #triggered