unfair

Why does the US government have to be so… ugh. My anxiety is a disability, and they don’t see it. Will I ever get my disability benefits? Should I just give up? This is the 3rd time, and I’m so freaking sick of having to explain to them that I’m non-binary for the 50th time. I poured all of my heart out about why I can’t work (reasons in the last post), and yet the judge has made the decision that it wasn’t enough and decided to take away the disability payments I was having for 3 months. My struggles aren’t enough. Would filing for another appeal for the 4th time be a waste of time at this point? Should I just give up? I’m so mad…

#hopeless #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #MYANXIETYISADISABILITY #ICantWork #unfair #sad #mad #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #FeelingUnseen

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I bet the nephews are home today (again 😞) because of President’s Day. I can’t even get some dang peace and quiet in this dang house, not even a full week anymore, so I’m leaving out this dang house (again. Seriously, I just wanted to relax today 😞😞).

And what’s so good about the damn day anyway? I mean I get that they run everything and all, and Biden’s better in other ways than our last horrible good-for-nothing president, but he refuses to defund the police even though he believes in Black Lives Matter, he’s pro-Israel, I’ve heard he once thought to make homelessness illegal, etc.

Also, our government just plain sucks, they can’t see that non-binary identities exist (until like 2025), 1000% of the time I always get misgendered by higher authority (which pains me a lot inside), I got taken off of social security because they seriously thought that I can work no problem (which, I’ve said plenty of times, I cannot for a vast multitude of reasons) and had to face my autism being called a disability throughout the entire time (which I despise), the list can go on and on. This is the entire reason I’m an anarchist, can’t we just depend on ourselves for our rights instead of the government who barely even knows you? /rh

#Autism #Anxiety #Family #unfair #President #nonbinary #sad #overstimulated

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Is the government really that stupid enough to think that I can work??

I have way too many triggers. I literally despise being called a girl or “ma’am” or “she”. I’M FREAKING NON-BINARY! Even though I’m also transmasc, I’M NOT JUST A BOY! I literally despise the line “ladies and gentlemen”. I have no time to put up with any drama crap. I will most likely quit my first job pretty quickly. And I don’t want to deal with all the freaking haters that hate me or bully me for no good reason. Screw that.

And some of the shit my past therapists said about me was either over-exaggerated or false about me doing good. Like I never said some of those things that I said. Just freaking because I said that I may be doing good ONLY meant AT THAT MOMENT!

Why even depend on the government for our rights?? I know myself better than they fucking know me. I’m an anarchist, and I believe that you should have public access or just instant rights regardless without having to depend on higher power who barely even know you and take forever to make things legalized (even though I despise my autism being called a disability or disorder). I want instant change, not wait 10 years for it! (/vsrs)

Anyway. 😞

#mad #LGBTQIA #anger #government #why #unfair #Anxiety #Autism #rights

Also TW for some caps and swearing
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Some a-hole on a Fandom page claims that equality movements such as Black Lives Matter and MeToo are “no longer needed since it’s popular in Western society”.

…Excuse me?!

Black trans women are still being murdered to this day. Many women are still getting raped to this day. And DO NOT SAY “but men get raped too” as an excuse! Yes, it’s sad and it should never happen to ANYONE, but saying that as a combat is just an attempt to excuse the situation or make it seem little. It’s sickening and gross.

Black folks are still being targeted for racism especially by the authorities. Black churches are burning. Asians were JUST compared to the virus not that long ago and still are today (please don’t say the virus name, it haunts me). Non-white folks and LGBTQ+ folks are still facing unfair challenges such as pay gaps, unequal healthcare, sexist/racist/queerphobic remarks on a day to fucking day basis. Non-binary and genderqueer folks are STILL often ignored in our society.

Just because they are fucking popular sayings or beliefs DOESN’T MEAN that there are little issues or that they’re “no longer needed”. That is such a horrible, disgusting, pig-ish way to even look at this. These are still big fucking issues that we deal with not just here, but in this world as well. They still exist on a daily basis and it’s hurting many of us, and to say that bullcrap is just so fucking selfish! 😡😡😡

#blacklivesmatter #Feminism #stopAAIPhate #unfair #triggerwarning #Sexism #Racism #Racism #MeToo #ignorance #anger

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I wish to give the exact name of the school, but I won’t. Just know that it is a college prep high school in Illinois.

If I could’ve, I would’ve ran away from the building and never came back. Every time the students would act up, and every time the teacher raised their voice, and every time a teacher was being unfair. If I could’ve, I would’ve ripped the detention slip in half for LOSING A PAIR OF GYM SHOES (detention lasted for 3 freaking hours by the way). If I could’ve, I would’ve skipped that horrid summer gym bootcamp freshman year because I failed on of the three physical tests. ONE. And I was CLOSE to passing!! Gym class was horrible. Like I don’t mind exercise at all, but I have my freaking limits. If I didn’t had the 504 plan, I would’ve gotten DETENTION FOR WALKING one time!!

If I could’ve, I would’ve defended myself to the horrible, good for nothing, power hungry, petty substitute gym teacher and walked away, but no, he would’ve PUNISHED EVERYBODY IN CLASS ANYWAY. Not only was he the teacher of that horrid bootcamp, but sometimes was a substitute in gym class, where I already DESPISE because of their petty good for nothing bull.

If I could’ve, I would’ve escaped all of the lasalles (the name for having to stay 45 freaking minutes after school because of not finishing homework) especially because I live so far away from it and don’t have a car. I wish I could run from it all especially when we were in a group because only ONE of us didn’t finish part of the project. But it wasn’t their fault or our fault, it was the petty a-hole AP world history teacher (which I didn’t ask to be in AP because I was already stressed enough but I GUESS NO ONE CARED) who thought that was a smart idea.

If I could’ve, I would’ve stood up for one of the students who I never liked in middle school that came into the same high school as me to tell him to stop using the n word, but I didn’t because of the fear of being seen as “getting off tract”. If I could’ve, I would’ve told off the ridiculous chemistry teacher (white btw) that he should’ve minded his own business whether us blacks would like to be called African Americans or not. I feel so stupid for even TAKING ADVICE to that..

If I could’ve, I would’ve just ran away for unfairly getting 2 demerits (warning thingies) because I was late because TWO A-HOLES used my stuff WITHOUT MY PERMISSION and for my so called “counselor” for CALLING ME RUDE WHEN I WAS UPSET AND CRYING IN THE BATHROOM AND I WASNT RESPONDING.

If I could’ve, I would’ve dropped out freshman year. But no. I dropped out sophomore year. And I have NO plans on going back or finishing any kind of school now. Nope. Never. No way. Not for me. Absolutely not. Heck no.

I want to speak its name. I REALLY want to give away the name of the school so that everyone knows what a horrible, too strict, good for nothing school it was and so that NO ONE enters there, especially those who are neurodivergent like myself. But I don’t think that I can do that here, so I won’t.

Middle school was horrible, too, but I don’t know which was worse… I could go on and on about middle school, but I would just leave that for another story.

#StopSchoolUnfairness #unfair #SocialAnxiety #Autism #HighSchool #Trauma #anger #neurodivergent #WeDeserveBetter #studentsdeservebetter #Stress

its so unfair how my TW rapist is out on bail and can live a normal life until the trial. ik justice will be served but he deserves to be in jail right tf now. I found out hes still talking to under age girls and flirting with them. i feel like those girls are better than me. I bet hes not using them like he used me. I just wanted him to like me. The world is so unfair #unfair #SexualAssault #jealous

I’m terrified of dentists. When I was 7 years old I had to have a molar (one of the back teeth) taken out. The dentist that my mother took me to assured us that as I was a child, I would NOT need any injections to numb me up. That the tooth would come out easily. All I really remember from that day is what I can only describe as a pair of pliers, hearing my self scream and blood pouring from my mouth onto my face and clothes.

After that traumatic event I couldn’t even walk PAST the dentists office without breaking down. I’d start shaking uncontrollably, I’d start sobbing and then I’d lose consciousness. So for years after this my mum and my dad didn’t take me to the dentist. Until I was 16 and I had a horrendous infection in one of my back teeth. I was in agony; I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t think... It was awful. But mum managed to get me inside the dentists office but as soon as I sat in the chair I screeched. The dentist didn’t dare look in my mouth and instead prescribed strong antibiotics. After the infection cleared up I went right back to pretending that dentists didn’t exist.

Just over a year ago I noticed some discolouration between my two front teeth. There’s only ONE thing I fear more than dentists. And that’s ending up with dentures like my mum and dad. So I made an appointment at a different office and they booked me in with the manager. Her name is Nicola and she is the best dentist I’ve ever had. I told her about my experiences and my fears. She promised that she wouldn’t do anything without my permission and she’d tell me before doing anything. So I got in the chair. She asked me to open my mouth and always told me what she was going to do and then waited a few moments so I could try and brace myself.

By the end of the examination she told me that three or four teeth will need to be removed - they can’t be saved. And that I needed five fillings. Two of which were needed urgently or I’d lose my two front teeth. We booked an appointment (for the two urgen fillings) for the next week and my GP gave me some diazepam (valium) to calm me down for the appointment. I got through it okay and once she was done I wasn’t ashamed of smiling anymore. You couldn’t even see the fillings unless you’re looking for them!

I’m waiting to be referred to hospital for the rest of the dental work to be done under general anaesthetic. Nicola said that she didn’t want to risk trying to do all of the work at the office and have me be in a little pain and freak out and not see a dentist for another 10 years. She’s very kind.

But what I don’t understand is... I brush and floss my teeth twice a day! I don’t eat or drink sugar things either. And my teeth are falling out, cracking off and dying. But my SISTER? She hasn’t brushed her teeth in so long there are SPIDERWEBS on her toothbrush. She has several energy drinks a day, she eats an insane amount of junk food... And has no problems. It’s not fair!

#Dentists #DentalWork #unfair

I thought that with him being unable to work with the quarantine going on it would be a last chance type of deal. I dont know why but I thought hed change a little..... But now its even worse. And i dont get a break from it.... He doesnt spend time with me unless its complaining or fighting.... Ive tried to point it out and he always turns it around im not feeling well right now of course i wont coherantly listen and reply... Youre being so rude and mean and cruel... Etc.
He literally games 24/7 gets mad he isnt better. Smokes excessive cigarettes and weed which were not even buying. Family has been very helpful and considerate since were all stuck in the house together. Yet its not enough
Hes ungrateful. Hes mad that he doesnt have more. And hes mad he cant have fast foo.ld. he snubs the meals I make him (barely eating them) and then complains all day that he needs to eat but doesnt want what we have. And he wont even make coffee for himself.
He literally gets up games all day with smoke breaks and goes to bed late. Mixed with making me feel bad about every little thing.
My brother (roommate) is still working and therefore has money so I get to deal with a fit everytime he dees or smells it. Im just so fed up....

He is a giant child who doesnt give 2 shits about me. Im still cooking cleaning and shopping. I run all essential errands and Im an at risk group with my asthma. Its been bad the past couple years and Im scared everytime I leave. He wont even go with me and if he does he stays in car.....

I feel more alone than ever...
And im realizing that this relationship might not last after quarantine is lifted.....
I have had no support system through this just taking care of a 30 year old man..... Im 27 now and I feel like Ive never gotten to be a 20 year old between him and my pain.... Which lets be real... Hes exacerbated.

#lonely #depressed #Abuse #EmotionalAbuse #Addict #anger #angry #unfair #alone #breakup

The most feared thing for me recently is waiting; the true process of waiting.
First, you go to the doctor then they let you know you need to go get a test. The doctor tells you exactly what will happen if the test is positive (you'll be treated) and what will happen if it is negative (you'll have no idea what is wrong with you). Throughout every day during the waiting process, you go through the exact conversation in your head.

Doctors baffle me wouldn't you think they would like to know what is going on and causing a patient pain Wouldn't they want to say "hey I know what is happening you don't have to feel in the dark anymore". Instead, doctors feel that they need to just treat and prescribe treatments. If a patient doesn't test positive then "say la vie/such is life. Learn to live in the dark". The process of waiting is mentally exhausting and anxiety-provoking. I'm 21 I should be worried about college essays and what parties I'm going to. I shouldn't focus on this one test but I feel like I have to. I am a spoonie and life is difficult spoonies have to grow up faster and focus on their health. Life is unfair. #rant #Anxiety #angry #unfair