Depresion

Living with Life-Long Suicidal Depression since at least 4-years-old (mid 1970s); and Migraine Headaches that have been regular (at least 1 to 2 times a week [more weeks now are turning in to at least 2 days] since the mid 1990s) and many other health problems that are on and off weekly or monthly; Extra Debt that I was pressed in to; which can cause me to lose the house, SSDI so it is hard to earn extra money to get out of Debt; and with Life-Long Suicidal Depression, in addition to the Major Pains, I really have been desiring more to be able to go Home to be with my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

I would greatly appreciate any feed back.

#MentalHealth #Migraines #Depresion #SuicidalIdeation #Debt #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #BPD #Bipolar1 #BorderlinePersonalityDisorderBPD #BipolarDepression #BipolarIDisorder #BipolarDisorder #BipolarI #BipolarType1 #CheerMeOn #Bipolar1Disorder #BipolarDisorders #MigraineHeadaches #AutismSpectrumDisorder #AutismSpectrum #Autistic #SeparationAnxietyDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #IllnessAnxietyDisorder #SeparationAnxiety #AnxietyAttack #AdrenalInsufficiency #AnkylosingSpondylitis #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #DistractMe #Selfharm #PanicDisorder #PanicAttack #PanicAttacks #worry #highfunctioningautism #AttentionDeficitHyperactivityDisorder #DiabetesType2 #DiabetesII #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #IfYouFeelHopeless #suicidal

#sad #Depresion #ADHD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder is it possible to feel emptiness and sadness forever? I have taken and done what seems like everything possible for myself to become a better person and have a happy life. I'm relatively healthy. My husband is a good provider. I just can’t seem to find joy in anything anymore. I get bored with hobbies very fast. I'm not too crafty. I used to love hiking and exploring where I live. Now it's just boring and repetitive.
I'll be 39 in November and I just feel like this is going to be how I feel forever: Sad. Angry. Depressed.

MOST of the time, I’m not even “present “
But trapped in my mind
battling for my life.

I had a brilliant week, I finally could breathe a bit better but it seems that when I say I’m better something bad is always happening.
Last week I rant up about my home problems, tonight being at work I received a call from my dad telling me that my grandma cannot breathe.
Instant anxiety attack.
I’ve been to office talked with my shift manager and at break, I’ve met with my dad outside the workplace saying he’s gonna go home because she cannot breathe and to lend him some money.
I’ve talked with her at phone, it was disturbing for me., struggling to breathe, to say anything, I felt her pain, I can’t describe but it hurt me so much.
I went back,inside, booked emergency holiday, stayed till 2 and after went home.
I have an airplane to go home in 3h, hopefully she will not pass till than 😞
Like I told to my boss, I cant do it, it is so hard for me, knowing that she’s not feeling alright is killing me.
She grew me till i was 16-17, i cant she s like a Mom FOR me.
I’ve tried everything to try to calm down, I can’t, I had another anxiety attack ☹️
I don’t know what I’m gonna do because after I had my trauma at work, I don’t think I can go through grief 😖😭😭
#Depresion #Lowmood #Anxiety

Im having a crap time today. Cant seem to shake off my feelings. Previous mistakes looming to repeat themselves. Suicide kit in my car boot. I have everything I need,,,, why am I so low. Helped a very vunerable lady yesterday but my joy is short lived. How much fight have I left,I dont know anymore