Rainbow by Dodie will forever be one of my favourit songs cause it is packed with meaning and the melodies are amazing I have both smiled and cried at this song as a person who has really struggled with sexuality this song has always made me feel
"I was brought up in a line
But I seem to walk in circles
It’s getting hard to navigate
When every map was never made for me"
I have two loving parents that always taught me to be kind and who have supported me through life but when it came to sexuality and mental health I don't think my parents where equipped with the knowledge to support me so I always felt like I was ment to walk a straight path but always was diffrent I never seemed to fit in as a kid and that really affected me I always felt like other kids had a different map than me.
"I thought it would feel good
To understand why I was different
But my title just talks over me
I never even asked to be this way"
when I was exploring my sexuality It was liberating and when I finally came out to my mum after months of counselling it was a relief to feel loved for who I was... when my mother told my father he shut me out which was the worse weeks of my life and all I could think was how a title or label now screamed louder than who I was at heart and how unfair it was cause I never asked to feel attracted to the same sex how could something that felt so right be so wrong.
"But to say that I’m a rainbow
To tell me that I’m bright
When I’m so used to feeling wrong
Well, it makes me feel alright"
this part of the song always gives me goosebumps cause it reminds me that we are all rainbows and that I had my mum and friends who always reminded me that I was bright that I had value no matter my sexuality and that as long as I had that in my life I could feel alright because for weeks I felt wrong again.
"I didn’t think it fair
I was not to be trusted
How can I be proud of
What a million people shout at me I’m not
So please step inside my soul
I’d love to watch you gasp
You’d understand in minutes
Oh I’d like to think you’d miss it
Cause so would I"
I still struggle with sexuality especially demonstrating it in public for as much as I want to kiss my partner or hold their hand a fear inside of me compels me to not and still holds me back because I see it day in and day out the hatred demonstrated by thoes who feel like they have the right to harm people because of sexuality. I'd love for a stranger to walk my shoes and to feel how I'd feel because only the strong like us who bare mental health and live with it know what it is like I'd love for a stranger to experience the fear, self hatred and thoughts that I had.
this song has helped me through so much and the artist has other songs too which are equally amazing brilliant to wind down after a panic attack
#Sexuality #Anxiety #Songs #Meaningful #Bisexual #Depression