where hope grows

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    Shine A Light

    To quote the band Banners, “Light will lead the way, will set you free.”

    Today I just got a bit of light back in my life ✨

    I met with my doctor and she has agreed to be primary care physician and to continue monitoring my condition. She was the same doctor who looked at my ECG that the practice manager I saw previously scoffed at, and said “you need to go to hospital—today”.

    She won my heart just a little more when I told her the hospital was struggling to get me booked in for a CT scan so one of the doctors started suggesting my problems might be mental… she gave the biggest eye roll, they almost did a 360.

    So, Doctor Sarah, this light is for you from this grateful patient, whose shook faith in humanity you have helped to begin restore.

    May there be many more like you—our community sorely needs it ❤️‍🩹

    #Hope #WhereHopeGrows #HeartConditions #HeartCondition #Arrhythmia #PatientAndDoctorExperiences #MightyMoment #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ChronicFatigue

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    #emdr

    I just started seeing an EMDR therapist for my PTSD symptoms and OCD . I have a lot of hope to get that help! #WhereHopeGrows # Project hope

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    Late season flowers. #Reflection #Reflections #solitude

    It's been weeks since you been home for the night. Planting these seeds happened a week before you left. An emergancy-bag turned into you moving out and telling me about your lawyer the same night. Your scent is slowly disappearing from our home, even in the bedroom. Yet these flowers grow before my eyes. You said it was too late for the flowers to bloom, but look at them grow. Maybe it's not too late for us.?. #Missingyou #missingpartner #missingmyheart #Divorce #WhereHopeGrows #Hope

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    My first Grandchild has arrived!

    if you remember I am crocheting the Classic Winnie-the-Pooh characters for my granddaughter, Emmaline has arrived. I'm so excited. I am half way done making Rabbit. I need to get him done. #Grandparent #perfectionist #BestFeeling #HappyIAmStillAlive #WhereHopeGrows

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    An affair with an eating disorder

    She told me she would be my friend,
    That she’d make me whole.
    She whispered sweet lullaby lies to me at night to send me to sleep,
    And in the day she’d ward off anyone who could hurt me; I thought she was protecting me.
    Slowly, she drove away the people I loved, she told me they didn’t love us, they wanted to do harm to us.
    Slowly, she wormed her way into my every waking minute, now screaming in my ears.
    She kept snatching back my hands whenever I strayed, she helped me deceive, lie, manipulate. We were winning together at one point, so close to the end goal; little did I know how close that end goal was to death.
    We were walking on a tightrope over a deadly ravine, we were living off of the thrill. Then they separated us, they tried to turn us against each other; they threatened her, told me she wasn’t my friend; but she was all I had left in the world.
    She never left my side through it all, but she’s been watching from the sidelines. She’s been holding my hand through the hard times. She doesn’t like change.
    Now she wants our relationship to be a secret, she hides from the people I love because they tried to hurt her, hurt ‘us’ she says. But now she’s hurting me. She holds my head above the toilet, she pushes my hands down my throat, she’s choking me. She shelters me from those I love; she pushes in between the cracks, filling them with hatred, guilt and shame. She lets me think I’m in control before she grabs the reins and sends us charging off into the distance, alone. I want to be free of her, send her away to a safe place where there is no pain, for she has been through enough. I cling to her as an identity, for she is me and I am her; she has helped me survive. But I don’t need her to survive anymore, I now know what safety is, what belonging can look like. I love her, and that’s why I have to let her go. #AnorexiaNervosa #BulimiaNervosa #EatingDisorders #TraumaRecovery #traumasurviviors #WhereHopeGrows #Selfcompassion #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PersonalityDisorders #MentalHealth

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    #IfYouFeelHopeless

    Throughout this quarantine I have felt very lonely and vulnerable even with recurring suicidal thoughts, when taking shelter in my country house I found a nest of birds among the trees and I gave myself the task of caring for them and giving them back all the love I thought I needed at that moment. This made me feel better about myself, and I start to thought about a new cicle in my life. I like to share this with you.💗 #Love #Birds #WhereHopeGrows

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    #IfYouFeelHopeless

    Throughout this quarantine I have felt very lonely and vulnerable even with recurring suicidal thoughts, when taking shelter in my country house I found a nest of birds among the trees and I gave myself the task of caring for them and giving them back all the love I thought I needed at that moment. This made me feel better about myself, and I start to thought about a new cicle in my life. I like to share this with you.💗 #Love #Birds #WhereHopeGrows

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    See full photo

    #IfYouFeelHopeless

    Throughout this quarantine I have felt very lonely and vulnerable even with recurring suicidal thoughts, when taking shelter in my country house I found a nest of birds among the trees and I gave myself the task of caring for them and giving them back all the love I thought I needed at that moment. This made me feel better about myself, and I start to thought about a new cicle in my life. I like to share this with you.💗 #Love #Birds #WhereHopeGrows