shutdown

I’ve always prided myself on being resilient, hardworking, and dedicated. I push through long days, even when it’s emotionally exhausting. You know, the days when it feels like everything is on your plate, and you have to rush through each bite just to get it all done? Sometimes I call it burnout; other times, it feels like complete shutdown mode. Learning the difference between the two has really shaped how I care for myself now.

When I experience burnout, I feel drained, foggy, irritable, and lack motivation. I can still get things done, but it comes at a cost.

I remember one time at work, I had so many papers piled high on my desk, that I couldn’t wrap my head around it. How was I going to finish this all in one day? My mind was emotionally exhausted just looking at it. But it was work, and I had to push through it.

I was really proud of myself for finishing everything not only on time, but with room for more. But I was already so burnout that no part of me could continue. So, I called it a day. In that particular moment, I felt every ounce of tension, every bit of fogginess, and all of the anxiety. But I managed, and I continue to manage even when it’s really tough.

Shutdown on the other hand is when my mind and body go into defense mode. When I experience shutdown, I become numb, detached, socially withdrawn, and literally unable to communicate or process. Normal function isn’t even an option. I need to rest and recover fully before I can essentially be a human again.

There have been many moments where I’ve experienced shutdown. I remember one time when I was at a friend’s house for a gathering, I was so overwhelmed from all of the socializing that I went completely numb by the end of the night.

I was sitting there at the table, utterly zoned out, withdrawn, and exhausted. I couldn’t form a sentence to save my life. Not only was I embarrassed, but I didn’t know how to escape the situation. I couldn’t talk, couldn’t move, I was just sitting there like a vegetable. As much as I hate to admit it, this happens quite frequently if I push my boundaries.

Being able to understand the difference between burnout and shutdown has helped me to be more forgiving with myself. I don’t get so upset or frustrated anymore because I’m more aware of the signs and how to manage them better. I know that they’re just indicators that I need a little extra tender, love, and care.

#MentalHealth #ADHD #Anxiety #Burnout #Shutdown #AutismSpectrum

Folks I feel very #Blessed to have made it through another week. A few times I've needed to #Shutdown & #focus on #self #Care but that's #okay . The #Important thing for me is to stay in #Touch with my #body #mind & #soul 💗 & to #nourish my #trinity #PTSD #Autism #MentalHealth

I've been #depressed , and wanting to #Shutdown, but I AM #COMMITTEDTOMYRECOVERY and #stayingstrong.
I Hope Everyone is having a #blessedday ❤❤❤

Thank you #mighties for being my #Outlet to #Vent!
Your #Support means ALOT ❤❤❤❤

I’m bipolar 11, I’ve been hospitalized three times in the past 12mths, so needless to say, I’ve shut down and have become numb. I’m so tired of fighting the fight. I’m embarrassed, disappointed and ashamed that I’m crashing (into a depression) once again, in such a short period of time. I was discharged July 15th, from a 2mth stay at the hospital. My good cycles are becoming shorter and shorter... So now I’m not opening up to anyone, just holding it all in, and this is accumulating more pain that I can handle. I don’t want anyone to know I’m not well again, I feel like a fool.

It is important for me to clarify that I am not dwelling on the past because I am trying so hard to move forward. One thing that I struggle with as a #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder patient, is losing time. What I mean by that is - when I go through episodes after being #triggered whether it be #Splitting, or feeling like I am going to #Shutdown. My episodes can be drawn out into the whole day because I don’t know how to turn off my hurt feelings, my anger, my frustration, etc. It’s like once it’s turned on, I can’t turn it off because I don’t know how to. This mainly happens with my romantic relationships, so that person will go through hell for at least a day. I know that I make people the enemy when I feel hurt. I just wish that I could save myself and also my significant other from all of the damage that ensues...

The last two weeks have been horribly relentless. Fighting all of the time, becoming defensive, blaming each other, yelling, slamming doors, lots of crying, tension, accusations, assumptions, making things about ourselves (or at least that’s what we accuse each other of)....it’s hard to be in a relationship with someone who has a mental illness just like you do... we’re exhausting each other and honestly I’m afraid it will end us. 😞

(Follow me on IG: ashley_borderlineuncut)

#BPD #MentalHealth #EndTheStigma #320changesdirection #mentalhealthadvocate #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #EmotionalAbuse #ADHD #RelationshipOCD #Relationships #Selflove