FeelingVunerable

I have lapsed yet again and now dealing with regret, shame, and disappointment. #Addict #MentalHealth #Depression #SuicidalThoughts #Support #Recovery #SocialAnxiety #Sobriety #Fear #codependent #Connections #Isolation #Hope #WritingThroughIt #Poetry #FeelingVunerable #Healing #Wellbeing

For the last couple of days, I’ve been sleeping a lot. And I mean A LOT. My work schedule has been busy due to Covid-19 and I know my sleep schedule could be better as well. I slept most of the day Saturday, but was still tired. I went to bed that night, and although I didn’t go to bed late, I still woke up late. I ended up falling asleep again a couple of hours after waking up. I’m trying to keep my mind busy and taking breaks too. I still feel a lot of negative feelings about myself. I still feel that I’m not good enough for anyone and that I’m aware that my future relationships will not be normal. I’m still very afraid to let anyone in and I find that I’ve been pushing people away who actually do want to help me. I’m not comfortable with people taking care of me, but maybe in a way I need that to an extent. There is a lot of unknowns in front of me and within me as well. I still feel like I don’t have a face and that I still feel an emptiness that I can’t put a name on. On top of that, I find that my mood does change quite a bit. I think it has balanced out a little because of the medication, but I still have the intense thoughts and feelings periodically from anger to sadness that makes me want to scream because feeling sad is so painful. All these things I experience, I go through it with my mouth shut because I find it so hard to talk about it, that and I don’t want to worry anyone. I can function around others, but all the while I’m hiding all of this. #MentalHealth #Depression #mood #FeelingEmpty #FeelingVunerable #NegativeThoughts #sleeping #pushingpeopleaway

Have only been separated from my narcissistic mother for a few months.
I had suppressed myself, my needs and my emotions as a person from as early as I can remember, which must be 6 years old.

I thought I was fine at first.
No one was treating me the way *she* did.

And yet, I still find it very difficult to
1. Understand my Feelings & Needs
2. Validate my Feelings & Needs
3. Nurture/Listen to my Feelings & Needs
4. Trust my Feelings.

I’m having a hard time setting boundaries and saying no to people. I don’t know how to accept my feelings and ask for things that I want (which according to my closest people, are perfectly normal things) #feelings #validation #Validity #valid #FeelingVunerable #feelingconfused #EmotionalAbuse

First post. 🙋🏽‍♀️Mind cluttered with thoughts. Wish I could get an enema or something and this would all go away...you know so I could get back to my usual nightmares😒 Feeling like a hippocrate cause I'm usually showing the upbeat, optimistic side of myself but I know that suppression for me eventually ends up in me imploding or exploding so...thank God for the platform so I can just kind of let it out.
✨I told myself I would only check my phone once a day to stay abreast of things cause...we don't wanna miss that "Hey forget your bags!!! Run out of your house right now there are helicopters...NO QUESTIONS PLEASE" kind of announcement 🙃
✨Yes I'm one of this people who use humor to deflect but I think it can be a creative healthy things and if I can make a few people laugh and smile in the meantime 🥰
✨Man! I spent so much energy writing my bio...now I'm like...'Why did you start wrong this? Now you gotta see it through and make sure it's half way descent. I'm slightly OCD, so are 3 of my kids. It comical and painful to watch. I keep wanting to say, "I'm sorry.
✨Ok...well, I gave all my energy to my bio and I have no more to give. Hate leaving this feeling it's unfinished but hey... unfinished projects are nothing new to me. I'll be back💪🏾 #stircrazy #cabinfever #anybodyoutthere #FeelingVunerable #feelinglonely #inmyfeelings #CanIGetOffNow #hi #HaveAnAWESOMEDay

Everyday has brought on a new meaning to the word “uncertainty”, and its all beginning to get tight. I find it very hard to vocalize what I want, but it’s basically this: a sense of safety, security both in the world and with myself, someone who understands me, and a good, solid reason to believe that things will get better. Also, to believe that love does win out in the end. I feel totally abandoned, very vulnerable, and completely lost and empty. #MentalHealth #overwhelmedbylife #FeelingVunerable #feelingaloneandlost #FearOfAbandonment #lostinmyownlife

Hi, this is my first post actually, but I need to write down what I feel inside. He fooled me once, and I had promised myself never trust him again, but after a year he told me that now he’s changed, and that he’s truly in love with me. I don’t why but I believed him, he took what he wanted and I can’t forgive myself for been such a stupid, naive girl. Apparently, when someone tells me ‘this time it’s different, you are perfect...’ I immediately change my mind and believe him. I can’t forgive myself for such a mistake, I’m an idiot and the worst thing is that I’ve let him fooled me again. I need to really love me, then I won’t need this stupid things to feel more self confident. I know I need to work on myself.

I would like to share some things with my therapist but a lot of times I just avoid and I’m trying not to do that because then I’m just suppressing and bottling up my emotions and thoughts onto myself and if I open up I have a better change of embarrassing myself in uncomfortable moments that I have. I do have to learn to deal with and tolerate this discomfort I feel but lately it has been really difficult for me and honestly I don’t know what to do anymore....

2 days till first anniversary of my heart and love ##FeelingVunerable