Lessons

¿ " Well These Experience's Were A Bummer Of Disspointment's... But Also Lesson's For Me.. These Two Experience's Definitely Tell Me That Everyone's Not Ready For XYZ... I Just Wished People Would Just Say From The Beginning What They Are Exactly Looking For.. Instead Of Playing Game's And Faking With People's Emotion's And Mental Well Being... " ? #Lessons Sincerely, ~ SKAOI KVITRAVN ~

One of the skills I am being taught in DBT therapy is to be non-judgmental of myself and others. I am really trying to work on being non-judgmental of myself. Just accepting my thoughts and emotions as the come and as they are without judging them. I struggle with this because I fall into the trap of thinking because I am healing that I should not feel or think negative things.

I wanted to share this lesson with all of you because I think we judge ourselves too harshly. We judge ourselves for experiencing certain things, for feeling a certain way or thinking a certain way. We often beat ourselves up for a myriad of reasons and often times it is not justified.

So I think it's important that we all work on this skill. If we all work on this then maybe we can love ourselves a little more. Just accept you thoughts and emotions as they come, like waves in the ocean. Ride out the intensity and if it gets really bad, ask for help. We all deserve love from others including ourselves. Little by little we will get to where we are meant to be. Thanks for reading. I hope this helps and inspires someone today.

#Therapy #Skills #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #SexualAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #Healing #Hope #Lessons #Life

I'm often told that I'm too loyal. That I try to help people to a fault. I suppose the it was the same with my abusers. I tried so hard to understand them, to save them from themselves and whatever they were running from. It hits much harder when the abusers are family members. As a child I was trapped and was forced to endure years of sexual and emotional abuse. Still I strove to see the good in them, or so I thought there was good in them. I partially blame myself because maybe if I hadn't seen them the way I wanted to see them and instead saw them for who they are, maybe I wouldn't struggle so much.

Then it hit me one day, no matter what illusion I had created the facts were clear: Families do not abuse, lie, manipulate and keep secrets. They don't pretend to keep up appearances either. Yet, growing up that is all I knew. Even into my adulthood before I spoke up I lived as if I was a child.

I try not to be so hard on myself because as a child my options were limited, it wasn't my fault my family wasn't healthy. Now things that didn't use to haunt me, do. I still lock up and freeze during confrontation or I give in. Two things I wish I didn't do. Despite being in therapy for 4 years I still have a lot to work through and a lot to learn. One thing I have learned however is this: You cannot save people, even if your intentions are good. I cried for days after learning this. I suppose the reason I wanted to say them was because I wanted to be seen, loved, heard and validated. I just thought that if I worked a little harder or did better that I could make them stop their abuse, I could make them better people. Sad thing is, I can't do that. People won't change unless they want to-including family. I now how to redefine family for myself. Slowly I am learning that even though there were good times in between the abuse that the abuse still occurred. Slowly I am learning a lot of things that will help me heal completely. As heartbreaking as that lesson was for me, it really opened my eyes. I cannot make them do what I want. I cannot make them apologize. I cannot make them see they were wrong. All I can do is move on and do the best I can. Live the life I create for myself and continue to heal, learn and grow. Thank you for allowing me to share this with all of you. As always, stay safe and reach out if you need to. We are here for each other.

#SexualAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #Family #ChildhoodAbuse #SexualAssault #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Hope #Healing #Lessons #Life

I have been out of the abusive situations for four years now (this being the fourth year). In that time I have learned a lot about people, myself and life in general. During a moment of reflection and mindfulness I realized how blessed I am to have what I have. Sure I came from a broken home but now I have a family that loves, supports and believes in me no matter what. That means a lot to someone that has been invalidated by her own family. I cannot tell you how many tears I've cried, how many questions I've asked or how many scars I gave myself. I can only share the lessons that I have learned so far with you. Those lessons have taught me to make the most of my experience.

-Abusive families exist.

-There is nothing wrong with cutting toxic people out of your life.

-Your experiences are only a part of you but they do not define you.

-It is okay to ask for and receive help.

-It is okay to come forward about your experience. Someone will believe you.

-It is okay to be scared, angry, confused, hurt or any other emotion. They are valid and deserve space.

-Families aren't perfect.

-Time always shows a person's true colors in the end.

-It is possible to be hurt by someone you trusted but this does not make you a bad person.

-The abuse was not and never will be your fault.

-Abuse is a choice, someone chose to hurt you.

-There are consequences for everything.

-It is okay to be healing one day and to fall apart the next, this does not make you weak.

-Healing is not linear.

-Love does not hurt and leave you traumatized. What happened was not love.

-You can and will heal.

-It's important to have a support system.

-Each day is a new opportunity to heal and move forward.

-It's okay to validate yourself, you are not selfish.

-You deserve to be heard.

-Your presence makes a difference (trust me I attempted suicide)

I hope these lessons can help someone today. As I keep learning, I will post more. Everyday I am working on myself and slowly getting to where I want to be. Again, please stay safe and reach out for help if you need to. You are not alone. I believe in you. Thanks for being here and for believing in me. I appreciate it.

#SexualAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #SexualAssault #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Life #Lessons #coping #Hope #Inspiration

Promises take flight from our lips like migrating birds. Many times, without comprehending why--simply determined to reach a safe, familiar harbor where warmth and sustenance can be found.

Assurances are exchanged like goods. Offers to provide unconditional love, constant happiness, security, safety, and, that which we may not even be capable of. We hope to give what we believe the other needs. Not realizing that what we offer is often our own greatest need.

No one goes in believing they may disappoint. Err. Wound.

The truth is, love leaves you completely open to the potential for pain.

Why can't we simply enjoy what time we have together? Why can't we like children, laugh, play and live lightly? Why can't we put past pains and grief behind us?

We all have someone who raised, guided, or provided insight into life early on. Even those without parents. These 'guides' may have been supportive and kind, thoughtful and intentional, irritable and callous, cold and distant, or at worst...monstrous. Albeit, human. It is the one flaw we all share. We are human.

That which is bestowed upon us (or the lack thereof) early in life has a profound impact on the nature of our interactions and how we function in relationships. Especially the most intimate ones. Some of us jump in feet first with reckless abandon--only to find that there are sharks swimming below the surface. Others walk the shore alone, maybe joining paths briefly with a fellow traveler, but going on to live in a state of wonder as to what could be. Ever noncommittal, yet hopeful. Some simply sit on the sand bundled up, admiring the beauty from afar. Maybe content with a life of self-partnership. Some walk hand-in-hand, looking forward and not back. Knowing that despite the ever-changing weather, together they can battle what may lie ahead.

Like our Mother Earth, relationships are riddled with sunshine, storms, rainbows, and even life-threatening tornadoes for some. Each of us has a different animal instinct when it comes to dealing with conflict. Some of us want to get closer--in attempts to feel reassured. Some retreat and pull away--as they cannot handle the depth of emotion. Some seemingly don't take it seriously and pretend there is no problem--a mirage to cloak their pain and grief. Yet others lash out, putting up a shield against transparency and vulnerability.

Whatever the impact of the early years of our lives, we are all in a vessel. Simply rowing, simply trying to stay afloat. Simply wanting to be loved.

Conflict can be a message. A lesson. If approached in the appropriate fashion, used as a tool. Conflict resolution can lead us out from sheltering, to set our faces to the warmth of another sunny day.

"all will be alright in time"
maybe when we learned all the #Lessons life teaches us. maybe when we fought strong all the #battles . maybe when we finally stood up from our #fall . maybe that’s the #time we can say “we’re fine”. we’re still #alive after all, a thing to be grateful for. because all our labour is never in vain. and it’s a matter of time and perspective till we get there. so hang on!