PTSD Support and Recovery

I have been diagnosed with BPD. I always suspected that I had it. I would tell my friends, my family members, and other close people to me.
No one believed that I had it. They said “you don’t look like an angry person” “you don’t look like you get angry. You look very nice”
Okay and?
What is a person with anger issues supposed to look like to you?
Ever since I officially got diagnosed I’ve spiraled a lot. Wondered if it’s even worth trying to “treat it” bc I read about it and this one page, well many pages said that its untreatable, that it won’t ever go away. That it stays with you for life. But you know what? I’m tired of having BPD. I’m tired of my psychological analysis. I’m tired of living “with BPD” maybe it’s real, maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s all made up. Or maybe it is real. Maybe is 100% real.

But I’m trying my best to make the choice for it to not affect me so badly no more.

Idk what I’m doing in life. I hate that i was brought into this horrible world as I’ve said many times to myself. But truth is I’m just scared. I’m scared of this world. I’m scared of people. I’m scared of dying. I’m scared for what comes after. I’m scared for what my life will be like in the next few months. I’m not struggling as much as I was just a week ago, or just a few days ago. But the thoughts haven’t left my head at all. The thoughts still and will stay temporarily.

But soon one day these thoughts won’t seem so scary anymore. And it looks like those days are getting closer, and I’m even more scared of what’s to come for me in my life. But at the same time I’m excited. But still so scared. I can’t believe some of the things I’ve heard people say, and their feelings, and the way they approach things and treat other people, even treat themselves.

When your heart races, your mind spirals, and your body trembles, it feels as if you’re battling a storm from within.

I know — anxiety is not a choice. I didn’t choose to live with panic attacks, sleepless nights, or overwhelming worries.

But I’ve learned something along the way: Anxiety is not a weakness. I’m learning to live with it — step by step — while growing kinder to myself, asking for help, and looking for support.

This is what I want to share with you:

✅ You are not alone.

✅ What you’re feeling is real, human, and completely valid.

✅ Don’t be afraid to reach out for help — from family, friends, a therapist, or a support group.

✅ Slowly but surely, there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

✨ If you’re struggling with anxiety, share your story, support each other, and be a light for someone in need. 🌟#PTSDSupportAndRecovery #Anxiety #HidradenitisSuppurativa #MentalHealth

I grew up deep in purity culture (no sex before marriage or no one will want you).

I am also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I'm really struggling with feeling dirty and corrupted. I feel like no one will want me as a sexual partner due to 'what has been inside me'. And if anyone would want me that would just want to use me.

Has anyone else worked through this?
#Religion #Church #Rape #PTSD #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #Healing

#PTSD
#ChronicIllness
#hopeless
#PTSDSupportAndRecovery
#braindamage
#Anxiety
#EMDRtherapyhorror
#Flashbacks
#ChildhoodSexualAbuse
#TraumaticBrainInjury
#losinghope
#Exhaustedfromfighting
#ChronicPain
#BrainInjury

How am I supposed to keep going, when I have no hope left?
Because of doctors refusing to listen, my quality of life has been taken away from me.
Because of a psychiatrist who forced me to remember being raped when I was 9 years old, I have been reliving those rapes over and over again since 2019
She did the 4th stage of EMDR Therapy to me without explaining anything about EMDR therapy.
She put a crack in the wall I built when I was a kid to force myself to forget 💯.
That wall began to crumble away, and the memories became longer and more detailed as time went on, until they became actual flashbacks.
Literally reliving being raped by him over and over again since 2019.
I filed a complaint with the State Medical Board of Ethics and Professional Services about it, and explaining everything she did.
They have powerful lawyers, and I don't.
Those lawyers used my brain damage against me, and twisted everything I explained and made it look like it didn't happen.
The State Board closed my case, and decided that she didn't violate Ethics laws, completely ignored everything I explained.
They ignored multiple requests to call me so I could explain anything better.
I am NEVER going to stop reliving being raped by him until she tells the truth about what she did, and is punished accordingly by the State Medical Board.
I need her to tell the truth about what she did, so I can start to heal.
What am I supposed to do to get her to tell the truth when I don't have any money to hire a lawyer to help me?
How am I going to start to recover from the damage I'm going through?