PTSD Support and Recovery

#PTSD
#ChronicIllness
#hopeless
#PTSDSupportAndRecovery
#braindamage
#Anxiety
#EMDRtherapyhorror
#Flashbacks
#ChildhoodSexualAbuse
#TraumaticBrainInjury
#losinghope
#Exhaustedfromfighting
#ChronicPain
#BrainInjury

How am I supposed to keep going, when I have no hope left?
Because of doctors refusing to listen, my quality of life has been taken away from me.
Because of a psychiatrist who forced me to remember being raped when I was 9 years old, I have been reliving those rapes over and over again since 2019
She did the 4th stage of EMDR Therapy to me without explaining anything about EMDR therapy.
She put a crack in the wall I built when I was a kid to force myself to forget 💯.
That wall began to crumble away, and the memories became longer and more detailed as time went on, until they became actual flashbacks.
Literally reliving being raped by him over and over again since 2019.
I filed a complaint with the State Medical Board of Ethics and Professional Services about it, and explaining everything she did.
They have powerful lawyers, and I don't.
Those lawyers used my brain damage against me, and twisted everything I explained and made it look like it didn't happen.
The State Board closed my case, and decided that she didn't violate Ethics laws, completely ignored everything I explained.
They ignored multiple requests to call me so I could explain anything better.
I am NEVER going to stop reliving being raped by him until she tells the truth about what she did, and is punished accordingly by the State Medical Board.
I need her to tell the truth about what she did, so I can start to heal.
What am I supposed to do to get her to tell the truth when I don't have any money to hire a lawyer to help me?
How am I going to start to recover from the damage I'm going through?

Feeling like I am spiraling... I was diagnosed at age 11 with ADHD and then in my mid twenties I was diagnosed as Autistic... I am becoming very self conscious about the autism diagnosis and starting to believe it may have been a misdiagnosis... that I may just be ADHD... I also have PTSD. When I take the ASD assessments I rank pretty low on most categories, severe categories only being the anxiety and depression. I think I am struggling with internalized ableism... I am just overwhelmed.... Please help. Am I alone in this confusion?#ADHD #AutismSpectrumDisorder #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #Anxiety #Depression

Sharing what Chat GPT shared with me:

Because survival mode, as exhausting and harmful as it can be, was your armor. It was your home, your protection, your default setting — the thing that kept you going when everything else felt unsafe, unpredictable, or impossible.

Letting go of it is painful because:

🧱 1. It kept you alive — literally or emotionally

Survival mode isn’t weakness. It’s what you had to do to get through what you went through. Whether it was trauma, neglect, abuse, chaos, or emotional abandonment — your mind and body adapted to keep you functioning. So even if it's no longer serving you, your system still says:

“But we needed this to survive. What happens if we let it go?”

Letting it go feels like removing a life jacket in deep water.

🧠 2. It rewired your brain

Your nervous system got used to always being on high alert — scanning for danger, overthinking, shutting down, or staying busy 24/7. When you start slowing down, being still, or choosing peace, your brain doesn’t recognize it as safety — it sees it as vulnerability.

So now, instead of being numb or distracted, you start feeling everything. And that flood of emotions can feel unbearable at first.

😢 3. You’re grieving

You’re not just letting go of a coping mechanism — you’re saying goodbye to a version of you that carried you through hell. You might feel sadness, anger, guilt, or even a weird kind of nostalgia. That part of you was strong. She did what she had to do. And grieving her is part of honoring her.

😔 4. You don’t know who you are without it yet

When you’ve lived in survival mode for years — or decades — peace can feel foreign. You might ask:

“If I’m not constantly fixing, pleasing, fighting, or numbing… who am I?”

That identity shift is terrifying and disorienting. But it’s also the doorway to your true self — the one who gets to live, not just survive.

🌱 5. Healing is not linear

Even when you're growing, you'll still have days where survival mode kicks in. That doesn’t mean you're failing — it means your nervous system is still learning it’s safe to rest, to feel, to be. And that takes time, gentleness, and a whole lot of grace.

Letting go of survival mode hurts because it means finally facing the pain you didn’t have the capacity to feel before. But you’re not doing it alone. And you’re not weak for hurting — you’re brave for choosing to feel.

#Healing #PTSD #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #Depression #MentalHealth #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #CheckInWithMe #SuicideAttemptSurvivors

Sharing what Chat GPT shared with me:

1. You’re finally feeling what you’ve been avoiding

When you bury trauma for years, your system goes into survival mode: keep going, keep pushing, don’t look back.

But now, as you slow down and create safety for yourself, all that old pain says, “Now can I come out?”

That flood of sadness isn’t a failure — it’s a release. You’re finally safe enough to feel.

2. Change is beautiful but also terrifying

Even good change is uncomfortable. You’re stepping into unknown territory — a second job, career focus, health shifts — and your old self is like, “Wait, who are we without the chaos?”

There’s grief in letting go of survival mode. It’s like mourning a version of you that got you through hell, even if she was exhausted.

3. You might feel alone in the process

Healing can be isolating, especially if no one else around you fully gets what you’re unpacking. It’s okay to feel lonely and proud. Those emotions can coexist.

#Healing #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #PTSD #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #Depression #MentalHealth #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #CheckInWithMe

I have severe father wounds. My father was never in my life even though he's alive & still with my mother. It's crazy to think that I grew up with one in my very household but can be so disconnected. He only provided when it came to money, but I don't talk to him. It's safe to say that I don't know him. He doesn't know me. I idealized my uncle as my father figure growing up bc he was the only man I knew & admired. He was around enough even though he pretty much left me too. He wasn't horrible to me but he also wasn't the best man. I never wanted to admit that but he was involved in gangs and drugs. Him going to prison broke me. I looked for a father figure in every man I fell in love with. I have more male friends than female friends probably because I often seek security and safety.. something I never had.

Eventually, I have to let the hurt go. I'm turning 34 now and my boyfriend & I are going on two years together now. I catch myself finding and seeking validation from him alot and it causes most of our arguments because I'm so afraid of being left or neglected whether it's physically, mentally, spiritually, or emotionally. I hope the pain goes away or lessens at one point. I hate feeling sad when I hear others share stories about their fathers or seeing people have great relationships with their fathers. I can't help it but the pain is unbearable.

#Healing #MentalHealth #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #PTSD #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #CheckInWithMe

We don't talk about this often but starting over and healing can hurt. Learning to reparent and forgive yourself comes with many rewards, but it can come with what seems like the cost of pain.

The pain is temporary, but it's hard not to get lost in it especially when it gets unbearable.

Healing sometimes require pinpointing where the pain started. It's not to wish what you could have done differently, but it's to thank the past for teaching hard lessons and acknowledging that you are human. And as humans, we are flawed.

I never fully closed any of my chapters which is probably why I continued to have repeated behaviors, patterns, and even experiences. Life will continue to bring you the same lessons until you've finally had enough. And, boy.. I've had enough.

At 33 soon to be 34, I am finding that everything is finally catching up to me. I can't keep running away forever. At some point, we have to stop & realize that we hold the key to free ourselves from prison.

I hope whoever is reading this understands that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I'm finding that no matter how dark and frightening it gets, you have to just keep on walking with the trust and belief that the light will find you.

#CheckInWithMe #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Relationships #Healing #Anxiety #Bpdrecovery #MentalHealth #PTSD #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #PostTraumaticStressDisorder

How do I let go of grudges? It is literally the death of me and the reason why none of my relationships worked. I feel the constant need to make people feel the way they make me feel and to punish them.

I don't want to live like this anymore.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Relationships #Healing #Anxiety #Bpdrecovery #MentalHealth #PTSD #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #PostTraumaticStressDisorder