resentment

Sorry about the caps.
I have a question; how do I "let it go"?????
You hear that a lot too?
"You need to let it go and...."
Ugh HOW???
People have said that my entire life.
"Letting go is like forgiveness, you do it for yourself, not them"
Okay...HOW??? To both things, how do I forgive and let go.
I have a lot of pent up resentment, and anger, it comes out in bad ways.
Worse when I am on PMDD.
Omg.
So, how do I get rid of it, or "Let it go"?
It's not like it is a ball, or rock, or broken toaster. It is in my frigging head and heart.
My mom accuses me of being mad all the time. YOU THINK!? Not only did you program me to belive that none of what I wanted was possible, but you also made me your care taker from the time I was 16!!!
How do I "Let go" of everything you have said and done to manipulate me into being your whipping child until you realized the one you babied and preened turned into an @$$.
This is the only place I know where I can find answers, so please, let me know how to let go.
#resentment #Depression #Midlifecrisis #anger #Grief #Pain #forgive

Let me explain what I mean by this. I tend to go between thinking that men are great to wishing that they all went to hell in a hand basket in a gasoline suit. Today, I became slightly paranoid about my interactions with guys, I began to feel angry that o allowed myself to be wide open with them, and today, my hatred is back. I honestly don’t think all men are bad. I really don’t. I’d like to be in a healthy relationship, but at the same time, I want no parts of it. And the thing about it is that even though I’ve been soured on relationships, I would never say no to one because there was always an someone who has changed my mind. But today, resentment wins this round. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #resentment

Yesterday at my therapy session, I have discussed with my therapist my resentment towards men. Now I have to work through my resentment towards men at this point. I go from loving them to having a lot of hatred for men. Why? I've had many of bad experiences with them. The root? Being abandoned by my father, other men, and it continues from there. What has bothered me the most was that I was looking for some form of closure in a form of accountability . Somebody to acknowledge that they had done things that were not right . I knew that I knew that I was not going to get the closure that I needed, and even if I did get it, I don't think it would ever be enough because of the time that had passed. one of the things that he brought up to me was that at some point I would get to a space where I will no longer need closure from somebody who won't give it to me. That in itself gave me permission to move forward and also I felt that I kind of needed that to give me an extra push to do just that... to move forward. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #closure #resentment

I felt frozen when this topic came up. Fear that i have no values, shame and guilt for feeling indecisive about it and not knowing, fear of what could be my values, feeling helpless and hopeless about it and feeling resentful and angry about it. How do people know their values? What is the difference between values and beliefs? #Fear #Shame #anger #resentment #Guilt #BPD #helpless #hopeless #Indecisive #Judgement

Hey, I joined the mighty app a few months ago. I have found it really helpful and is the only platform that I see as a safe space. Nonetheless, I am still consumed by anxiety when I think about or try to post. I have OCD and I overthink and over analyze just about everything. Everything I do has to live up to these extremely unrealistic expectations that I set for myself and only myself. So, something as simple as posting sends my mind into a frenzy and the dominos begin to fall. Anxiety ->perfectionism->obsession-> failure to meet expectations -> panic -> crippled by panic -> *crash* and I give up. Then I walk away and begin the endless cycle of avoidance, procrastination, resentment and guilt.

It’s a lose lose situation. Trying to post makes me uncomfortable and not posting makes me uncomfortable.

Even writing about how uncomfortable I am about this makes me uncomfortable hahaha.

But that’s okay. Being uncomfortable is a part of life and today I’m choosing to fight through it.

And guess what? I did it and I’m so damn proud of myself!

Sending love and a big hug to anyone who could use one.

Happy Holidays!

#Anxiety #PanicDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Unrealisticexpectations #perfectionism #Avoidance #Procrastination #resentment #Guilt #Uncomfortable #proud #Accomplishments #firstpost #progress #MentalHealth

I'm so angry. I've been forgiving people from my past, but I'm still in deep pain. I won't feel it all the time. Then there will be a conversation or situation that brings it right back to the surface again.

My mother emotionally abused me for most of my life, and I've also had an emotionally abusive boyfriend. I think that I just have so much pain that I haven't dealt with. I don't really know how to, and it's affecting my other relationships.

For example, I'm a serious Christian, and it's affecting my walk with God. I hold back from Him, and I don't like to let others know what is going on between Him and I. I just want to shut people out.

My very loving boyfriend was just telling me a whole bunch of stuff that he's been experiencing with and learning about God, and it just made me feel resentful. There's not a very good reason for me to feel this way. I want to learn to love God and my boyfriend better and not let my pain get in the way.

I'm going to try to go to therapy more regularly. Does anyone have any advice or insight?

#Christianity #Christian #god #Love #Pain #EmotionalAbuse #EmotionalHealth #emotionalpain #Advice #MentalHealth #Depression #anger #resentment #help

#Guilt . My husband has been ill for close to 10 years #chronicillness. I have become his #Carer &. I resent it, also #resentment because he has done this to himself. #binging on #junkfood & inactivity have ruined his health. He knew it but couldn’t control the #Addiction to food. Now all of his major organs are shutting down. He has been #neardeath 3 times in the past year. We are looking at #nursinghomes . I #resent that our lives have changed. I love my husband, but he’s always been a #difficultcompanion. I’ve had to do without many things that were important to my #Happiness & now I’m still having to devote all of my time to #beinghiscarer . When will it be #myturn ? Obviously I feel #disgustedwithmyself for thinking this way. And feel #Shame . To admit to it.

I have noticed that I am very sensitive to any perception of being controlled by others. Eg my wife asking me to do things, or reminding me of things to do. I very rarely tell her what she should be doing or remind her of what she has to do, let BBC alone ask her to do anything. I’m not her boss and I don’t need a boss as a wife. It’s suddenly occurred to me that she is too dog! I cannot be attracted to a women who things she is in charge of me and I don’t need or want reminding.
I don’t remember that I used to be like this. I used to go along with everything. Maybe I’m just more irritable. I wish Borderline personality disorder did not affect the way I feel so over sensitive and critical in relationships. #BPD #Borderline #resentment