venting

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You ever just wanna throw your hands in the air and say “fuck it all”? Well that’s exactly what I’m feeling right now. I feel like everything fucking sucks rn. America’s insane for having Trump TWICE (we could’ve have our second chance for a woman president BUT NOOOO, a Neo-Nazi got president again instead!), I’m so sick of everything being “AI”’d purely because of harmful shit like AI art for existing and not caring whether something labeled AI or not, CRYPTOCURRENCY LIKE BITCOIN IS HARMING THE FUCKING ENVIRONMENT, NFTS STEALS ART WITHOUT ARTISTS’ PERMISSIONS… I can go on. To the point where it’s becoming FUCKING UNAVOIDABLE like in Apple’s AppStore and of course there is ABSOLUTELY no way to turn these suggestions off, LIKE NO, STOP SUGGESTING ME AI ART GENERATORS AND CRYPTO!!!

I don’t fucking trust or like Microsoft or Google anymore because of the shit they’ve done (including AI art generators).

Still can’t even get a FUCKING DISABILITY PAYMENT after all of these FUCKING YEARS let alone get a lawyer because WE AREN’T RICH LIKE THAT, ESPECIALLY BEING SOMEONE OF COLOR! Even then, I’m sick of having my autism being the reason, because it is NOT a disability/disorder, my anxiety and trauma disorder are the real disorders!! Next time, it will NOT be autism as A reason, but honestly I just want to say fuck this process in general because I’m so sick of it and possibly being misgendered all over again (I’m non-binary).

Many things I used to like/go to I cannot anymore because of the fucking inflation and higher/change of free plans (which I do understand that plenty of it is thanks to 2020 event and virus that shall not be named).

Things could’ve been better this decade, but NO. THINGS HAVE NOT BEEN FUCKING BETTER!!!

(Don’t call me human, I identify as something else non-pessimisticly and spiritually. Words relating to the 2020 event trigger me, like highly upset me and will bring up bad feelings. Thanks for understanding.)

#VentPost #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #AutismSpectrum #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #angry #fedup #unfair #triggerwarning #venting #OSTD #OtherSpecifiedTraumaDisorder #DoneWithEverything

I’m having a pain and fatigue flare up and it’s so isolating. Paired with beginning touse a wheelchair to get around I’ve had enough. Sick of feeling like this #venting #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Fibromyalgia #Bipolar2

I just want to walk away. From the goose from my marriage. The whole thing! I just can’t anymore! I need a hip replacement and have needed one for I think 2 years maybe. Maybe only a year. I can’t keep anything straight anymore. For two months I packed up things in the house BY MYSELF! Absolutely no reason he couldn’t have lifted a finger! He has been off work for over a month! Does he care? IDK it bothers me I can’t work. It bothers me I don’t have a partner! He has to be told most everything to do! I can’t deal with babysitting someone who supposed to be my PARTNER! I don’t want to be with him anymore. Yet we’ve been through so much! I just don’t know how much more I can take!!! After 18 years together and 16 years of marriage idk what to do anymore. Before you ask did you try counseling YES AND HE DID NOT DO THE HOMEWORK ASSIGNED! I had almost rather be single and not have to babysit someone who is to be a partner! He knows all of this! It’s almost a daily thing anymore I tell him I’m tired of having to babysit!

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Honestly, what the FUCK! I CAN’T FUCKING WORK! What is it that they can’t seem to understand?! My anxiety is a disability, damn it!!!

It’s been 3 FUCKING TIMES ALREADY, 2 FUCKING APPEALS, and I POORED ALL OF MY FUCKING HEART OUT ABOUT WHY I CANNOT FUCKING WORK, THE EMOTIONAL TRAUMA, THE EPISODES OF DEPRESSION, THE FUCKING HYGIENE ISSUES, MY SEVERE SOCIAL GENDER DYSPHORIA AS A NON-BINARY INDIVIDUAL AND AVOIDING MOST SOCIAL SITUATIONS OUT OF THE PURE FEAR OF BEING MISGENDERED, HATE BEING UNDER PRESSURE, HAVING MANY TRIGGERS! I was receiving payment for 3 fucking months, and NOW they’ve decided that my FUCKING STRUGGLES AREN’T ENOUGH?!?!

Honestly fuck everything. I feel like I’ll just never be truly seen by this US government. I’ve only just wasted my fucking time with them, and so really don’t feel like HAVING TO EXPLAIN TO THEM FOR THE 50TH TIME THAT I’M NOT MY BIRTH GENDER AND I AM NOT A BINARY GENDER!

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #MYANXIETYISADISABILITY #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #FeelingIgnored #thissucks #Trauma #angry #disappointment #LGBTQ #Loneliness #sad #Vent #venting

I mean
I feel quite ashamed of having realized and of sharing this but tbh I just hope someone here will tell me I’m not the only one or even if I am the only one that it’s ok.

I know that some of our behaviours are like patterns of self sabotage.. like our mind is always trying to get us back to that place of hurt that is so awful but at the same time so confortable.. but .. do you think that flirting or actually getting involved (by talking only - and imagination) with someone else while at the same time being so so so happy on my loving relationship (that is monogamous)?

I really just talked via message with this other person that I know messes with my mind (and I’m hating myself for that yet can’t stop thinking about them)
But I notice it’s like a pattern
Am I just a bad person? Or could I be self sabotaging (I don’t know exactly why I would)?
why do I do this?? :(

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I'm LGBTQ+. I'm transmasc non-binary. I'm otherkin (not human). I'm Black. I have autism (please don't call my autism a disorder/disability/syndrome) and anxiety, and someone with trauma. I cry very easily. I am overweight. I am a part of a plural/collective. I am non-romantically polyamorous. And every damn day, I feel like this world called society is just here to for the sole purpose to shit on others, betray others, or just to secretly judge others, including me.

Every day, it is getting much harder and harder to believe that there is a single damn individual out there (other than my current therapist, all of my partners, my dad, and a few friends) who has common sense, is open-hearted, is open-minded, and doesn't like to discriminate or invalidate others for being different or for experiencing different things, or labeling themselves differently. Sometimes, the anxiety gets to the point where it seems like going out is stupid for me. What's the point?

It's like almost every damn community I've been a part of (and left) and witnessed just LOVES to INVALIDATE OTHERS SOMEHOW?! It's so annoying and stupid and it's just like... why can't you just fucking accept someone for who they are??? All of this just makes me so fucking angry and just...!!

...Sigh. Now that that's off my chest... may I ask for advice on how to go about this? I already currently seeing a therapist, luckily. Right now, it is very very hard for me to get off this mindset because I believe it's true, sadly.. this society and all of other individuals' opinions is tearing me apart..

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MentalHealth #helpme #Vent #venting #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #SocialAnxietyDisorder #anger #help #Society #Advice #triggerwarning #Neurodiversity #LGBTQIA #plural #otherkin

This is a line in a song in Gilmore Girls, A year in the life. And it stuck with me.
So many of us are used to being so strong.
Keeping it together.
Keeping it going.
Staying positive.
Seeing the glass half full.
Practicing gratitude.
Acknowledging the beauty in it all.
The lessons.
Smiling.
Wearing the high functioning masks.
It becomes a way of life in a life that is hard to live.
A life that would be too heavy to live if we didn't have our practice of resilience.
But even we break.
And I am breaking right now.
Depression has crept in and is gnawing away.
I am used to this.
I know how the cycle goes.
I have to give it room.
It only gets worse if I fight it.
I have to flow with it until I hit bottom.
Then the only way is up.
I am grateful I know this.
It gives me a sense of hope in the dark.
Something to cling to.
So even as I break, I am resilient.
It's hard when you break. It's crushing.
And it's hard to put yourself back together afterwards.
But I do it. Time and time again.
And I'll do it this time to.
But for now:
No, I am not unbreakable.
I am breaking right now.
Thank you for listening.
I needed to vent.
#MightyTogether
#venting
#MentalHealth
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#AvoidantPersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Burnout
#HighlysensitivePerson

For my mental health sake, I sincerely ask if you could please censor c*v*d-19 (o, i) or the other words, p*nd*mic (a, e), and q**rantine (ua) or leave them out entirely before posting any comments. Thank you, you’re the best!
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Before I say anything, I just want everybody to know that I am not intending to be/sound rude when I say any of this.

Saying that “well, *trigger word* is not going to go away” or “it is what it is” are the least helpful things you can say to someone with triggers, because to me, it feels like you’re saying “welp, you’re screwed for the rest of your life” and for the latter “I simply don’t care”, even if you’re not intending to sound that way.

Yes, I still have these words as my triggers everyday. It still brings me flashbacks whenever I fucking hear any of the words and how much of a sad life I’m still in (and I already have mostly negative views about society) because I unintentionally drag myself into that very sad period of 2020 and beyond.

I’m trying to work this over with my therapist, but I haven’t because there’s a thousand things that happen with me and are on my fucking mind everyday, and if not everyday, then most days (traumatic flashbacks, being overstimulated by youngest nephew constantly, stress dreams, trying to make time for all 7 of my queerplatonic partners (yes, it’s healthy, non-romantic, and consensual) and trying to be perfect around them all the time (I should probably stop doing that), waiting to move out of here already into a more safer and quieter environment, extreme social dysphoria as a non-binary individual, etc. etc.)

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #SocialAnxiety #Trauma #Anxiety #triggers #normalizetriggerwarnings #overstimulated #overwhelmed #triggerwarning #venting #LGBTQIA #MentalHealth