Burden

Regardless of how other people see you, respond to you, act toward you, even how you feel about yourself, know that your inherent value is NOT affected by it. Your value comes from the fact that YOU are YOU, you can never be replaced, and that if you are still breathing, you are still here for a purpose.

I say this as I, myself, deal with the above and have absolutely no idea why I have been kept here on earth. I feel like I have no purpose and that I can't possibly be used in a way that offsets the burden I feel I am. Even if I, myself, don't believe it, it doesn't mean it isn't true.

I am right there with you. I feel ya.

#TheMighty #MightyTogether #value #purpose #Burden #Belief #Perspective

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” - Matthew 11:28-30 #weary #Burden #rest #TheBible #Jesus #Faith

I am so #confused , I function well but yet I am struggling. I get up go work come home get into bed that’s my life I can’t handle or face anything. I feel so #alone and a #Burden to everyone, certain thoughts are appearing but I won’t, my mind won’t rest and I don’t know what about my jaw hurts from clenching my teeth. What is wrong with me? I just wish someone would help me, like seriously I don’t know what to do.

I'll start with an example. I have a friend who, sometimes, tends to ghost me when we were planning to go out and reappears again when it's late to meet, because for our schedules we can't.

There are people who tells me to just tell her that this behaviour isn't too nice, but I don't. She just comes back saying she's sorry, she did something else and ended up not being free to go out with me.

The point is that, to me, it's okay.

I don't see it as remissive, because we have known each other for a very long time and, even though we aren't the first person we go to when we're facing some hardships, we know that, for each other, we stay.

I often tell her that I'm not going to change my mind about her just because she disappears. (Because I don't. I still love her the same).

Also, true is I do have my flaws(?) too, as sometimes it can take me ages to reply to messages, when we don't see each other for long periods of time and are apart. She still considers me a friend and I do too with her because, after all that's happened - even if at some point I did wonder if it wasn't just out of convenience (now I feel it isn't) - we stayed.

But a few days ago a thought occured. The circumstance was similar and a part of me was feeling like "oh, yeah, here it goes again. I have an opinion and wanted to go out, but I just say - no problem, it's okay, we can meet another time :) - being reassuring, because it truly is okay and I don't want the other person to feel guilty. These are not real hardships, just details and as long as we have time we surely can meet in another moment, though the feeling in me is battling from - it's okay - to - just make it be okay".

And then I thought: "Hey. What are you even thinking about? Why you dare feeling this way? You have someone who may eventually go out with you and who you can go out with. There's someone - and someone you treasure and someone who cares for you. That's more that you've ever had and thought you could have had. Why are you even trying to feel dissatisfied? Just be humble, bro, and take what the opportunity you have been given brings you".

It actually made my mind and heart agree - it's okay and I'm happy and satisfied with it and we can do it as you'd like to - but I'm not sure whether my whole approach is positive.

"If you decide all is well" -

It sounds remissive. And people who knows me know that I tend to be something that resemble submissiveness.

"Oh, I don't really care, you can decide for both, to me anything is okay" along with a smile that I try to make clearly reassuring.

But I act like this because I truly feel it. To me it's okay.

I don't bother about the details; I can go along with almost everything and will say it, idealistically, if something doesn't fit me. I don't want to impose my choice when I don't really care about it. I do care about the fact that we're here, together, doing something, but if I choose what to do, what to talk about, what to listen to, what to eat, where to go, when and how to do it I feel bad. My mind is suddenly filled with insecurity, and an uncomfortable feeling, which eventually triggers a loop of "they're asking you to take a position, you don't want to, you're pushing them to take a position for both, you're bad because you're letting them choose for both and maybe they don't want to, maybe it weights on them, you're being submissive, you're being a burden, you should take position, I've become silent, I feel insecure and whatever I do and say is a reason to attack myself so it's better if I keep myself quiet, but this actually worsen the situation, so I should take position or at least act like always, take myself out of it and hide the insecurity I'm made of right now, a choice is just a choice, they can speak if they're not for it, I hope they'll do it and won't go along with my choice if they don't like it, just because they're making an effort for me. so I just make sure they're aware they do have to speak sincerely. Or else my inner self is going to rip off". And it makes me feel so guilty, extra, bothersome, burdensome that I do really wanna avoid it, also because often it triggers deeper crisis.

So I'm trying to understand this feeling better (I already have my interpretations and they're quite evident) and trying to lessen the negative effect it has on me.

But I do really care - and a lot - about other people not feeling guilty or as they're imposing themselves when I know they're not the type (I'm not speaking of 'anyone' - I should define better where the border lays, so here's another task) or simply when I know how feelings like these can weight. After all, aren't them just all mere choices about details, when what matters is where they feature, what they're part of, where they manifest themselves and, since to me almost anything is okay, why should I make a fuss out of other people's behaviours or choices, preferences (when they're not harmful) when they respect me and show they care for me and I feel respected and cared for.

So to me anything is okay. But don't make me take the choice.

So - I'm just thinking.

(Thank you if you have read til here 😊)

🌚

#submissive #remissive #Burden #Choice #insecurity

I feel like a million broken pieces that should be held together by superglue but are barely being held together by a cocktail of pharmaceuticals. Part of my “success” is holding it together being strong and making it to the next day but that seems to get harder and harder. I feel like a burden on my support people I feel like I’m failing at adulthood I feel like I’m losing this battle. #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #ChronicDepression #Burden

"What did even you do the whole day? Huh?"
" Don't you get tired of just laying in the bed?"
" We can't just sit idle like you. Idk how you do that 😆"
"Why are you so lazy? "
"Why are you not doing any job? Your father is an old man now. Don't you think about him? "
"As you are free and sit idly everytime, why don't you just be the nanny of the child and I'll pay you for that? " ( i hate to babysit)
"So how is staying at home all the day? I just can't imagine what it is like to live like you😆"
"You think so negatively. You are a pessimist."
"Sleeping queen. Ungrateful child"
"You are a financial burden to me. You are the cause of the most of the expenses in this house"
" You don't need to study further. It's enough."
"Why did God give me a daughter like you? "
.
.
(and the list goes on)

#Anxiety #Depression #coward #useless #Burden

My family wants me to do job and leaves no chance to remind me that i am still unemployed. I promise I am trying but I have got no skills or outstanding cgpa on the basis of which i could get a job.
My family openly says that I am a burden to them. (and I actually am)
I am ashamed of myself for being such a useless person.
I don't know what to do. I am clueless. Truely. #Suicide #Burden