CBT

Ive been technically " alone" for a very long https://time.I have shelter and financial https://support.I am grateful, unbelievably grateful for https://that.Those outside, feel I have done, this, to myself. As if I put a razor blade barrier around me, at some point, in the last four years.

I understand who and how, https://now.But for the last two years, many went out of their way, to make, me see how alone I https://was.And to teach me a lesson on, family ties.
That, is not, support.
I will https://pass.But thank you for teaching me....

That you can not come with health conditions or a life lived https://history.You are https://damaged.He should not have to care for her.

You will be at fault, for others lies, about your https://past.You will be damned, for your personal https://history.For it is too be aired out like the dirty laundry, for fun of https://course.But not by you, by the women who hate you.it must be true.

That if you ask for help, everyone will be asked, what to do, but you.it is not about you.it is about what they have done, for you.

When therapy is involved, no one will show up, EVER,DO NOT ASK.

If you complain, at all, you are ungrateful and need to be https://quiet.Never confide in anyone.
Do not look for resolve, answers or reasoning, you will be arguing.
If you are a woman, know your role, your place and do not, tell the truth.Lie,look good and shut up.
You can tell people the version that makes, THEM, look good, but do not, tell your truth, their truth only.

Take Pills prescribed, as many as they tell you https://to.Numb yourself, do not feel the feelings and do not question those https://feelings.Repress everything.

I have been here,talking it all https://out.Everyone else can debate, criticize, judge and trip over themselves, assume away, please.im approached by strangers, insulted and followed, for what? Intimidation.Ok? It makes you look well, weak, all of https://you.That strength in numbers mentality doesnt apply here, https://sorry.Ive seen your work.

After all the namecalling and trash gossip, cloaked as concern and care, stops, then what?
They pretend nothing happened?Same in my family.
And it,all goes away, right? nope.

Im not going https://away.And people know, if anything happens to me.
When you project your own delussion,for your orchestrated "win", upon me, you loose, not me.
It is not a loss for me,maliciously trying to hurt me, is not something I run towards or will try, to fix, out of desperation.
That is your mess to clean, not mine.
It is transparent, who is running this circus and I am embarrassed, for all involved, if they could come to me directly, Id be happy to talk...Funny how that played out.
When the masks fall, wow,they fall by the https://dozens.Freakin dominoes over there.

I embraced that part of getting therapy, it felt https://great.I saw through the lies, the hiding, the comments. Why the problems now?

When people try to flip the script, they panick, rally and get messy, you guys got messy...real https://quick.You might want to find a therapist or new life coach, something other than eachother,cut back on the drinky drink and gummies maybe.

An outsiders perspective on how to treat someone in crisis? A suggestion, thats all.
But atleast I know now.
Thanks to all, involved.

Do not look for healing, at the feet, of those, who broke you.

I read that, paused and cried for a https://second.I am enjoying the holiday week.im grateful
and trying as hard as I https://can.Rereading past entries, looking for dates, I came across a couple, that showed how good I was doing.
Why would a group of people try and set a person off, for fun?Let's watch her get upset, fail? For why? For a group, that has everything, to do that,is something much deeper than,teach her a https://lesson.I fail constantly and when I see someone else, struggling, I go to them, even strangers.

You sat and watched me struggle, you knew, I was https://confused.Then you laughed at, my confusion,over time, again and again.
We are not the same.

I never enjoyed sitting around people who, judge,mock,belittle,put down,criticize and try to discredit people, for having a seperate life experience, difficult upbringing and outloud bigots, gross. I do have an extremely low tolerance for juveniles relationships,with coy and flat https://affect.I do have a sense of humor,darker than some anticipate.
I am approachable, if you are genuine, kind and https://forthcoming.I will make you uncomfortable, if you are on script,fake and an accomplice.

I do not have time and grace for those with malicious https://intent.And those that have attempted to puposefully put me there, I am not, who I was, then As, none of us https://are.I am all the names you have been using,plus more, just like your daughters and https://grandmothers.I am all the rage, anger and regret, you've been told, to be https://quiet.I am every bit, in tuned to the game, that has been played on https://me.I am sorry and relieved, I am better than before.And, I remember all of https://it.For that, I am https://grateful.Keep trying though.

I write as a way to express https://myself.I do not have anyone to talk to on a regular https://basis.Ive been told, I like to hear my own voice, that one hurt. I have my art, writing,my son, my pets and small https://goals.I do not have friends anymore. When your health flips, your mind goes whppidy doo, https://too.Then your mental health becomes, top priority and it is not easy, at https://all.There is no faking https://it.I realized, a few years ago, I had less than a https://handful.I depended too much on my spouse,one friend,who actually didnt even like me and a https://frenemy.I do consider, a group of women, I shared a classroom with,my lead teachers, my https://friends.All of our lives, are busy, but that bond,will never sever for https://me.I have had enough, of
Relatives who are nice to my face but gossip when I https://left.I found, a majority of people in my world, did that, to https://everyone.Certain ones, have spent yheir entire lives spreading a narrative.So, I removed myself. I only became more aggressive and outside my character.
I cannot grow when all around me stays, as https://is.I cannot be,the only one looking for growth, accountability and change, to only be met with stonewalling and https://defensiveness.To expect someone to have a expiration date, to their own discovery, is wrong.in two months, you must be https://healed.Are you serious!

Not knowing the layers of trauma, a person has been through,is why, you don't play judge and Jury, to someone elses experience.
You sit with them, learn, at their pace, what is unraveling and https://why.Not set up to destruct to https://rebuild.That is playing with an order, already set, that noone but that individual, can https://dismantle.You are doing a disservice to your loved one, if you think, you know best.you only know, your perception, not theirs.

If You, will not, by choice,communicate, answer openly, or share insightful thoughts, engage and be vulnerable,I do not want to be around you.

If you, chastise,shame and belittle me, for my past, to https://others.I do not want you,in my life or around me or mine.You're toxic and talk poisons, not support.

I want open minded,pure heart,self aware, no shame and no more $$ transactional relationships.
If you give me a gift, do not hold it over me, later, to get something you https://want.I do not keep score with kindness.

I am done with petty jaded gossip,enabling meanness and https://ugliness.And if Im a bitch for it, please, call me a https://bitch.My boundaries, have turned me into the https://asshole.I understand this.

I am bullying the https://bully.Im sick of watching people get away with mocking, belittling and denying someone elses struggles and https://experience.Who does that?

Projecting your inadequacy on to me, is weak and goes unwarranted.
I am good alone, when the company, you keep, stabs its own on the regular.
Sometimes loyalty protects those for shame and for history sake, rather true character. I will find out more as the weeks go https://on.I will keep writing, resting and building. All I can https://do.I will not be forced to "heal" at anyone, elses https://pace.When you delay the process,hiding truths, you compound the fall. And I wont apologize for being transparent, because I was.
I will not pander, to hiding parts of myself, for a couple people to feel comfortable with their own https://issues.Stay in your own lane, even when invited.

Have a good https://life.Have fun with all the new blossoming friendships, you both have https://aquired.Everyone knows, true friendships are in large numbers, https://right.The more you've accumulated, the greater the substance of those https://relationships.All thick as https://theives.I missed out, on that in https://life.I am https://aware.And tell8ng me its All my fault, is telling where it is coming from.
I was thrown out, too much, pushed aside, ignored.So, I removed https://myself.Easy.I do not chase or pander to group egos, for social clout or https://standing.I dont try to fit in or want to fit https://in.I understand why Im considered difficult from a family of https://narcissists.Clear as day now.you couldnt be honest with me but expected me to be, the entire https://relationship.You kept women in the sidelines, just in https://case.I had a friend, take advantage of me and you https://laughed.I wasn't defended by you or yours, you piled https://on.The exact way I was mistreated, by entire life, you and your family https://did.You took my hurt and weaponized https://it.And now you want me to be nice, fair and quiet? Seriously? How? I will continue to express by https://writing.If it bothers you and yours, dont read https://it.Or better yet. Stop.