Weak

Anyone always just down 24 7? It’s been like it for 19 years. 19 years of struggling to do anything including brush my teeth and wash often.

I’ve only worked about a year in my life but society gives you this pressure that you have to do things like it but when I did it set off my mental health worse.

I just feel like I want to stay in bed forever scrolling videos on social media. Mental health runs in my family and some of them are similar to me.

How does anyone not feel down all the time because after all this time? it’s clearly here to stay.

I don't think I can live on this earth if my mom dies. Thinking about it hurts me so much. Sometimes I think about dying first so that I don't have to be here to witness it when she dies. #Depression #Death #scared #Weak #tiredoffighting #exhausted

You know when you’re not holding on anymore but you haven’t finished falling yet so you’re just in the middle free falling..
yeah that’s been me for the last year.

Scratching and clawing at the air around me desperate for something to hang on to.
Desperate for something to give me that bit of breathe you take when you come up for air when you swim.
Desperate for that warm feeling, that there’s life inside my soul.
Desperate for that spark, that feeling of love again.

I don’t know when it will come. I can’t even remember the tiny glimpses I have had because it’s got so lost in the constant never ending drama that is my life.
I thought they said things come in three’s?
For me it never stops. Every incident or travesty just rolls into the next one.

I keep pushing forward through my day to day life like someone’s hit a button and pushed me into automatic. I’m on complete auto-pilot.
People keep telling me how strong I must be for keep getting up and keep on keeping on, but I don’t feel strong, I feel weaker then ever because Im the only one who knows I’m not in control anymore.

#Lossofcontrol #Autopilot #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #Weak #ObsessiveCompulsiveandRelatedDisorders #ADHD

I have been dating a really wonderful guy for about 4 months now. We met in college and got to see each other almost every day. We are lucky and both realized what a luxury it was. But now school is out and we're both away-- he is staying an hour away from me for a month then going home (4.5 hours away). I have been lucky enough to get to see him on the weekends but I still miss him so much that I feel like I can't possibly make it to the next weekend without him and my depression has been worse than it has been since I met him. (So bad Im worried Ill scare him off even though he understands).

I believe it's related to change in weather. Literally nothing can wake me. Missed work and chiropractor massage today. Finally became coherent after non stop sleeping 16 hours but still exhausted, vertigo, crying, trouble speaking and expressing thoughts. I take calcium channel blockers daily but weather changes have caused this to happen 6 times this month. I'm at a loss. Is it the fibro fog, the vestibular migraines, the stress, depression? Usually can't sleep when you have fibro but I've been having what I call comatose episodes weekly.