Adrenal Cortical Carcinoma

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Struggling lately with everything, and feeling like I’ve wasted my therapist’s time.

I haven’t been feeling great lately. There have been so many things that are weighing on me.

Have been having lots of anxiety over being overwhelmed and in Freeze mode with my school assignments (to the point that they are already overdue). I feel helpless and trapped, and defeated.

Then I also lost all access to the PTSD sub on Reddit which I relied on a lot for support for the repercussions of a really violent SA I had experienced in 2021, and had all of my Reddit accounts permanently banned this past weekend — and they blacklisted my IP address and device MAC address, so I can’t make any new ones even with VPN — all because of a careless mistake I made on the title of a post on the r/medical sub, which I then tried apologising and explaining to the sub mods about to try and get the sub temp suspension lifted where they muted me after i sent them 2 completely respectful messages. I used an alt acc to ask why they muted me, and they perm banned that alt account, threatened to report me to the Reddit admins for ban evasion, then muted me again. Over a month after I served the temp ban on my main account, I forgot about the existing perm ban on my alt, and when I used my main acc to post another (completely different) question, the mods reported me to the admin. Now all my accounts and any new accounts have been / are being permanently removed from the site. I’ve tried to apologise to the Reddit admins during my appeals, and beg them to just let me have one account to stay on the PTSD sub because I need it (it is a major resource for me since I don’t have much support in real life outside of weekly therapy), they just keep rejecting me. I think they are not even bothering to reply to my appeals anymore. This has caused me to feel a lot of panic, desperation and helplessness.

I’ve also been feeling pretty shit about myself and my place in my family (and the world, really). I feel like I’m wasting all their money. I’m a student and am trying to find a part-time job, but my salary from a PT job barely covers 80–90% of my expenses on meds and therapy alone. My family offers to help me and they are already paying for my schooling. I feel like a burden and that they hate me for wasting their time and money. That they don’t, they can’t, love me. I’m just a leech on their time and savings. Maybe they think I should be dead so I stop being such a burden. My mum is always more frustrated with me than my older sister, even just for sleeping longer than everyone else in the family because I’m severely depressed and always tired. That me sleeping in later into the day ruins the ability to keep the house clean because my room can’t be cleaned by our live-in helper on schedule (she has a very loose schedule). I feel unloveable, like everyone hates me and doesn’t want me around.

From all of this, I’ve had a significant uptick in the intensity of my suicidal thoughts again, like attempting has become a matter of time again.

I went to therapy today. First she brought up my schoolwork and we were supposed to work on anxiety about that today. Then I asked her if we could spare 10 mins on the Reddit thing, and the awful feeling of having lost a resource — we shifted to that. I kept apologizing for wasting her time because the Reddit thing is honestly so stupid, and I don’t know why it’s affecting me so badly. Halfway through processing the Reddit thing, a lot of anxiety about my assignment that was due yesterday (that I still haven’t submitted and am pressed to submit ASAP) came up again. At one point she said “you’re not wasting my time don’t worry” and I started crying, bad. She asked me what was happening and I said I felt like I was wasting everyone’s time and money, especially my family’s, and that I feel like I’m unloveable and a burden. We tried to process that. And I feel fucking awful that I spent the 1 hour session jumping back and forth on so many things. I hate myself. I know she said it was okay, it was actually good, but still… what if she’s lying and she hates me too?

I don’t know what to do. It’s really hard right now. 😔Sorry for wasting everyone’s time with this stupid wall of text. I don’t know where else to put it.

#Therapy #Depression #severedepression #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #Anxiety #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #CPTSD #PTSD #SexualTrauma #SexualAssault #emdr

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Soo true ..... #MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare

So I just had a conversation with my 9yo daughter as she was saying some of her friends have social media accounts.I personally didn't think I'd have had to have this conversation for a while yet but just shows things are clearly different from when I was that 34 and I have this app ,I have a melonoma awareness IG acc but that's it nothing about me or my name or my daily life details etc.I realised its so true looking at these people with perfect figures ,perfect homes ,fancy cars ,perfect relationships and the perfect parents to their kids and it can make you feel instantly jealous or down or comparing yourself, wishing you had a different life ,or questioning and even doubting your self worth.I am do glad I don't have anything like that as I realised years ago it was a major trigger for me ,and I have enough going on health wise I definitely don't need to caus emyself anymore anxiety or depression about how people's lifestyle can seem so great .I love this app as its not about that for me it's about sharing experiences, getting and giving support about real life struggles or even achievements,I know some people may have had different experiences but I can honestly say I'm really glad that over all my years I've been on this app I've had nothing but a safe space to be myself and communicate with people while getting or giving support and kindness. ♥️😊

#MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe #Insomnia #Upallnight #SkinCancer #Depression #Selfcare #Positivity #wellness #AloneTogether #Bekind #COVID19 #longcovid #Anxiety #loveyourself

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My Story

Hi my name is Kara Simone and I wanted to share my story. I got diagnosed at 4 years old with Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum after having a seizure and subsequently getting an MRI. I got diagnosed with ADHD in middle school and Generalized Anxiety Disorder in my early twenties.

If you don’t know what Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum (ACC) is already, it is complete or partial absence of the part of the brain that connects the two hemispheres. In some cases, ACC can be accompanied with other brain anomalies. It ranges in severity. I have Partial ACC and my case is mild, it can affect people in different ways.

Also, I was diagnosed with Mosaic Turner Syndrome at 16. A somewhat traumatic appointment with an endocrinologist and a geneticist around that time revealed problems with my fertility. I’m fine with it now though, even though I have my moments. Other than anxiety, ADHD, and Thyroid problems, my health is alright. I had my first bone density test in 2020, that’s an important to do for those of us with TS considering lack of some hormones can lead to bone issues.

Thank you for reading. I wanted to share my story because dealing with things that most effect my mental health and fertility has a huge impact on me and I want people to know they are worthy and not alone. #MentalHealth #Anxiety #AgenesisOfTheCorpusCallosum #TurnerSyndrome #Infertility #ADHD #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder

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I am going to therapy on valentines day #MentalHealth

So Today I had a therapy session in which I disclosed some details of me and my friend Amber ending our friendship. We have not spoken since, I would be lying if i said this was easy. I am getting better and I am praticing letting go and all that fun stuff (I.E. Meditation, Breathing,Affermations, Asking for forgivness). At Nights are probably the worst, my want to message her is high during this time. It is not like that is easy either, I have a extra acc that I made awhile ago and It has her added. I have tried to talk to her but she has just read my messages and not responded. I am guessing I this is a clear sign that I should let her go. At the same time her friend reached out to me to check in on her clearly not knowing what happend between us. Once I let him know and all was done, he seemed willing to ask her if she was ok with the idea of talking to me again. I have very little faith any of this will work and there is alot I am leaving out but I hope this has formed a general idea of the situation. However, I say all this to say that I am going to be having therapy on valentines day and I am a bit exited, is that at all weird?


Bpd fp

My fp said something kind of hurtful to me today idk if it’s acc something hurtful but it made me feel kinda weird. I met up with him after a month of me cutting him off, he followed me a month after and I gave in. Today we went for walk on a trail and we were talking about how I cut him off and I wanted to tell him why, he is aware that I have bpd and I told him he was my fp and tried to educate him shortly after I cut him off. But today he said a part of him thought it was cap that I was his favourite person bc I cut him off so abruptly, it made me sad bc it was clear that he didn’t really pay attention when I tried to send him videos about it. I tried to explain it but it just made me feel upset and now I’m thinking about it again. Do u think I’m overthinking?!


Fibromyalgia pain

This morning the Fibro pain has again reared its ugly head- I hate when it starts my day,instead of ending my day( tho that's not nice to be hurting at bedtime,either!). Guess it's the below freezing temperature that's got it going. Don't you( those with fibro) just hate it when the fibro takes over even Before the day starts? It over comes the arthritis,the swollen feet & lower legs,the fitful sleep from the nite,and tired mind from having to deal with it & everything else on a daily basis. Even the pretty sunrise this morning gets hit. Big Sigh. Oh well,such is life when you are used to hurting All Over from an Invisible Disease. #Fibromyalgia ,#RA ,#oa ,#PTSD ,#GAD ,#Bipolar 2,#GERD ,#Insomnia ,#high Blood Pressure,#Allergies to most Everything,#sinusitis chronic,#Teeth problems( likely from meds been on for so long, dentist),#"covering" how I really am feeling,#bad dreams that carry over into the day,#restlessness ,#So many Meds,#dry Eye Syndrome,#Dermatitis -chronic,#Headaches ,Short term memory loss left over from ECT treatments,#Fibro Brain Fog,#sad ,#Overeating when illnesses take over too much,##Poor Self-Image,#Stagnant motivation,#chronic Talking to Myself-even Out Loud,#Talking & writing too much,#worry ,#Thinking of others instead of me,#people Pleaser,#Procrastination ,#Poor money management,#Ignoring important signs & Symptoms.

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I’m so tired of myself and these mood swings ruining shit

I just woke up from a hour and a half nap and I feel impossibly even more drained than I was before. I have no energy. I have school assignments due at different time intervals today and I haven’t started on any of them. I’m not getting better at all. It feels like nothing is working. I’m so tired. I’m currently taking a break from my bf because the toll of my mental health is also taking an affect on him which is unfair, so I’ve spaced myself for his sake. After my most recent post I actually opened up to my bf and mom. My boyfriend and I opened up about everything to each other, our traumas, struggles with our body-image, etc. It was going good for like 4-5 days and then it went back downhill. My mom said she was willing to get me therapy again but I don’t know, I haven’t heard anything since about it. Let’s see what happened. 3-4 days ago? I think- these days all blend into one it’s hard to tell anything anymore. I had a sort of dissociation episode? It was around 1am I was on my phone texting my bf when I started getting intrusive thoughts about killing my self so I curled up into a ball, while repeating over and over out loud “go away, go away” to my thoughts while crying. Then I came back to find I was on the floor with cuts on my wrist. I don’t remember any of it happening... The whole rest of the night was like a bad dream. My bf knew about the whole thing. I was clean from self-harm for like 2-3 weeks I think... I’ve been pumping out vent edits and art like crazy to cope with my emotions but it’s not really working anymore. My mood swings are intense and constant. Anything is enough to send me to self-harm or becoming suicidal. My bf found out through my vent acc that I was starving myself. I since then had deleted everything on there and turned it into a sort of “self love reminder” account for others and made a new separate account to post my vents now that he is unaware about anonymously. I know everyone told me I should open up and tell others about my feelings but it’s just not working, I’m sorry. It just gives them more stress and makes them worry more about me and I don’t want that. I’m just taking everyone down with me. I apologized to my bf numerous times over for my stupid mood swings and what I’m doing to myself and that I’m sorry for stressing him out and bringing him down with me and he said “I don’t care, bring me down with you all you want, as long as I’m with you.” And that’s not right... that’s not healthy for him... I’m just going to keep anonymously venting online and keeping my emotions to myself with my mutuals from now on. I can go back to being the happy-go-lucky persona in front of my bf now as I was with my other mutuals. It’s for the best. I don’t know what to do anymore. I honestly just want to die so, so bad. I can’t do this anymore. I’m not getting better and it’s hurting people. #Depression #Selfharm #SuicidalThoughts #Dissociation #SuicidalIdeation