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Dysthymia and Grief.#Dysthymia #Depression #Grief #Suicide #help

It has never crossed my mind to write a grief list. Here goes... 1) I have just lost 2 very dear friends in the span of 10 days. Gunter on 3/3/22 and Isabelle on 13/3/22. It has TRIGGERED my "long-standing-undiagnosed-depression/they call it DYSTHYMIA" for over 12 years now since my mom died on 28/3/10. 2) I am 49 and have gone back to university to pursue a Masters's degree in order to gain back employment in the following year. 3) Meanwhile in the last few weeks/March still, I recently was suspected of colorectal cancer w the CTScan but the Colonoscopy was clear! It threw me off the rails. 4) I seem to have lost focus, interest, hypersomnia, and am rather dysfunctional. I DONT KNOW WOT TO DO or UNDO. Please help. Compassionate-constructive help is welcomed. xx

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#Depression

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My hand has been half numb for over a month now.

So…I’m back again. I had a foraminotomy on C6 and C7 in 2019. I got relief of all my radiculopathy symptoms once I fully healed and I thought, “Well, that was an interesting experience!!” And started to move on. Then, I got busy taking care of everyone else. My husband was diagnosed with Stage 3 Colorectal cancer. My daughter was diagnosed with Depression l, Anxiety, and OCD. Then Covid hit and my son’s Autism, ADHD, depression and anxiety got worse. My daughter’s depression, anxiety, and OCD got worse. My husband was in and out of the hospital with chemotherapy, radiation, and several surgeries. He’s cancer free now, but still dealing with effects from the surgeries and treatment. I started working out more to handle the stress of taking care of everyone. Then, I pulled an all nighter for work at my new job, my dream gig I just got…and my left hand was numb, the left pinkie and ring finger, the same side I had my foraminotomy on. Crap. I give it a couple of weeks, stretch, do yoga, etc, but it does get better. Meanwhile, as I was working out, I noticed weakness and shaking in my knees and legs that kept getting worse and my lower back was sore, but who’s isn’t really? Finally after my daughter nags me, I scheduled an appointment with my neurosurgeon’s NP. She orders a MRI of my neck and my husband reminds me of my lower back and convinced her to just get one of that, too. Well, from the report, neither sounded good. My neck added a few bulging discs to go along with the “severe foraminal stenosis,” and my lower back had bulging discs and a herniated disc at L5-S1. To my surprise, my surgeon wasn’t really worried about my hand or neck, but wanted to operate right away on the herniated disc at L5-S1. It was cutting off half the space for my spinal cord. I’m one week post-op from a microdiscectomy there. My hand is still numb and it’s kind of important to me because I work in IT and type for a living. I’m just worried that since he said my cervical MRI was “looking better,” that my hand is just going to remain like this. I’m happy my legs aren’t shaking and even a week post op my lower back feels better than it did before surgery, so I don’t want to seem ungrateful and st least it’s just numb instead of hurting like last time.
#CervicalRadiculopathy #DegenerativeDiscDisease #SpinalStenosis

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#AwarenessAdvocate

Lately I have been working my tail off to raise awareness for the subjects the topics for diseases that nobody talks about enough #BeverlyHills90210 #spellingentertainment #joeetata #bh90210 #peachpitpal #peachpitdiner #peachpitcafé #peachpitafterdark #peachpitpressagent #kellykatharinetata #shannendoherty #breastcancerawareness #lukeperry #colorectalcancer #strokeawareness

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I will do what I have to but I can’t help but worry…

I had a rough day yesterday. I had an appointment with my GP about my GI issues and she is sending me for a colonoscopy. It’s not so much the procedure I’m worried about but the fact that my parent has had (and beaten) colon cancer. She had a very aggressive form of cancer but it was caught super early.

I do appreciate and am grateful that my doctor is being provactive. I’m 36 and I didn’t think I would be starting my screening until my mid-40’s. Here they want you to be screened for colon cancer 10 years prior to the diagnosis of colon cancer in a your first degree relative. I’m nervous.

I know I shouldn’t think about the ‘what-if’s’ but I am worried. As soon as I found out the doctor’s concern, I tried calling my husband, then my parents and then my sister - and eventually I texted a friend. I felt so alone in that moment but eventually my husband called back and my sister did too (I didn’t leave a message with my parents… oh yah. And the other thing is how do I tell my Parents about this? My affected parent will blame herself). My friend messaged me too but I didn’t share details over text… it’s just not something I’m comfortable texting someone especially while they are at work.

I left work early. I was exhausted but today I’m feeling more like myself. I’ve also reached out to an indigenous cancer care program that will offer support through the screening process and treatment processes (if required). I will do what I have to but I can’t help but worry…

Thank you for listening as always 💕

#ColonCancer
#ColorectalCancer
#Anxiety

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CURING HUMANITY

I’m a 19-year-old college advocate hoping to reach the FDA to promote the accelerate of cures/vaccines for incurable diseases. Please help by signing the petition and promoting it to your social media if you agree with my petition. We can start by passing the Promising Pathway Act Bill.

For more information read my petition…

www.change.org/p/janet-woodcock-m-d-accelerate-the-developme...

iamals.org/action/promising-pathway-act

** TAKES LESS THAN 3 MINS COMBINED TO COMPLETE **

#afm #AcuteFlaccidMyelitis #alzheimer #alzheimers #alzheimerdisease #Disease #diseases #cures #Cure #Vaccines #Vaccine #World #AIDS #HIV #AIDS #alphaviruses #Asthma #arboviralencephalitis #bacteria #Cancer #viruses #Virus #BladderCancer #BreastCancer #ColonCancer #EndometrialCancer #Kidney #KidneyCancer #heartcancer #LiverCancer #MultipleMyeloma #ovarian #OvarianCancer #StomachCancer #thyroid #ThyroidCancer #uteruscancer #chlamydia #ChronicFatigue #jakobdisease #COVID #COVID19 #CoronaVirus #CMV #Arthritis #babesiois #CervicalCancer #ColorectalCancer #EndometrialCancer #colorectal #endometrial #Leukemia #leukemiacancer #LungCancer #OralCancer #OvarianCancer #pancreatic #PancreaticCancer #SkinCancer #TesticularCancer #uteruscancer #CRE #CardiovascularDisease #CeliacDisease #Chancroid #chickenpox #COPD #conjunctivitis #Cryptosporidiosis #cyclospora #Depression #Diabetes #Diphtheria #EEEV #enterovirus #Fibromyalgia #genitalherpes #herpes #hsv #hsv1 #hsv2 #gonorrhea #streptococcus #hantaviruses #headlice #HeartDisease #HighBloodPressure #helicobacter #HPV #HumanPapillomavirus #ecoli #ebolavirus #Ehrlichiosis #Fibroids #Flu #giardiasis #Gout #Hepatitis #hepatitisa #hepatitis b #hepatitisc #hepatitisD #HepatitisE #hbv #histoplasmosis #humanmetapneumovirus #Incontinence #poisoning #Leptospirosis #Lupus #LGV #Influenze #legionnaires #listeriosis #lyme #LymeDisease #Meningitis #meningococcal #methyl #Mumps #noroviruses #PID #pelvicinflammatorydisease #pelvicinflammatory #primaryamebic #meningoencephalitis #Measles #MRSA #syndrome #plague #Polio #CrohnsDisease #Crohns #bronchus #Stroke #Tuberculosis #Cirrhosis #Dementia #trachea #pulmonary #infections #artery #Smallpox #chickenpox #CysticFibrosis #fibrosis #ADHD #Schizophrenia #Parkinsons #ParkinsonsDisease #parkinson #Asthma #Arthritis #CommonCold #HuntingtonDisease #Rabies #Hypertension #Sickle Cell #sick #Awarness #global #timeforchange #alllivesmatter #Health #Anxiety #Depression #advocate #change #usa #america

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Saturday's YouTube show

Saturday is my preferred self care day, because of a YouTube show I subscribed to.

The main actor and manager, aka "Gly" is a Mighty too. He survived a colorectal cancer.
He started this exploration entertainment about 3 years ago, almost alone.

This is about old mines exploration in USA, recorded live but edited before broadcasting.
It is also destined to be educational, to anyone, kids included.

We exchanged a few emails as I asked details about gold, silver, copper, lead mining techniques.

There are 82 episodes so far.

I recommend it if you are adventurous minded.

It is called "Exploring mines and abandoned places".

Enjoy.

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Terrified

I know it’s probably just anxiety and my BPD making me think in extremes, but what if it’s not? I’ve been bleeding from what is presumed to be a hemorrhoid for a while now, but it got a lot worse today. My grandma had colorectal cancer at 37 and she thought it was just a hemorrhoid but it turned out to be cancer. She survived the first round of cancer but not the second 20 years later. I’m honestly scared because the familial trend is to skip a generation and my generation is the next in line....
I’m waiting for the GI nurse to call back. #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Cancer

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Preconceived ideas of Black pain sufferers

In 2018 I cane to MSK hoping to be specifically treated by them for colorectal Cancer which I had been diagnosed with four years earlier. I met my Oncologist, my surgeon, and my PAIN doctor, Grant Hong Chen. From the onset of our doctor/patient relationship, I noticed that whenever I had an appointment with Chen, he would always give me the strangest looks, and his speech would be oddly modified from how I heard him speak to his other patients. He would also give me a Urine test EVERY time I had an appointment with him, which I had no problem with at the time, because I wasn’t aware that he was a racist, who was doing all this because of suspicions he had that I gave him NO reason to! At any rate, he would side eye me, and look as suspiciously at me as his thoughts allowed him, and ONE day as I was waiting in his exam room for him, he shows up and no sooner than when he entered the room he says; “Look, I dunno what’s going on, but whatever you’re doing, you need to STOP, because it’s showing you have DILAUDID in your system!”. I was SHOCKED!!! I didn’t even know how to SPELL Dilaudid, much less knowing where to FIND it, but that information didn’t seem to concern Chen. I was THEN starting to get ANGRY, and now everything began to make SENSE! The side eyes, the TESTING every visit, and now the flat out ACCUSATION, which was one of the most DISRESPECTFUL and HUMILIATING things I have ever been subjected to! I was FURIOUS now, because not only was it untrue, but he wasn’t even TRYING to understand an alternate perspective as to how it could’ve happened, and was more hell bent on what, I STILL don’t know to this day!!! I scheduled a meeting with HIM, me, and patient relations which was a very uneventful gathering, because CHEN DIDN’T SHOW UP, instead was his SUPERVISOR, who claimed that the result of my being accused came from the fact that I have been taking slow acting Morphine Sulfate which the supervisor claimed could show up on a drug scan AS Dilaudid! That would mean that the doctor was WRONG, right? So why wasn’t he there to APOLOGIZE to me for such an outrageous and disrespectful accusation which caused a big unnecessary SCENE in his office! Plus, if he went to SCHOOL for as long as a doctor SHOULD, wouldn’t that be something HE would know as well? No answer from the supervisor! So I went home feeling like NOTHING was done about this little man, and his notion that somehow I MUST be a criminal because I’m BLACK! I got home, and decided to write Chen a nice long email, telling him what a racist POS he was, and how if I EVER hear of him EVER disrespecting another BLACK patient like he did to me, I’d get on the phone and tell any and everyone who’d listen how disrespectful he was to me, and how he shouldn’t be practicing at MSK if he was going to treat black Cancer patients like that! It’s bad enough that we have to deal with so many of the debilitating aspects of Cancer itself, but to have to be LAMBASTED and ACCUSED by the very people who’re supposed to be HELPING to handle such a devastating disease! After I sent that email, I was called by MSK hospital, and told that I cannot THREATEN the staff, which the ONLY thing I threatened that man with was letting his superiors know what a RACIST and SUSPICIOUS CHARACTER he was! They told me that I couldn’t come BACK to MSK unless I spoke with the director of the hospital, the head of security (who read the email and said he saw no evidence of a threat), AND a hospital psychologist! I REFUSED at first, because I didn’t understand why they were LYING, when ALL they had to do was get him to APOLOGIZE to me, but they decided to do this in the MIDDLE OF MY CHEMO TREATMENTS, and I NEEDED those, so I decided I’d do what they were basically FORCING me to do, and I decided that after that. I’d leave MSK and go ELSEWHERE for my care, because there weren’t many black patients there, and I just felt UNSAFE, and I felt like MSK was actually a HOSTILE ENVIRONMENT for me, and so as SOON as my Chemo treatments weee done THEY actually came to ME to find out when I was leaving, and they HASTILY pushed me out of the services and care of Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center!!! I truly wish there were some LEGAL way that I could redeem myself, because I feel SO VIOLATED, and SO MISTREATED that It’s caused me to have PTSD from the raw ANGER and RAGE this caused me to experience on an almost DAILY BASIS!!! I cannot and would not wish that kind of treatment on my worst enemy, and it was MSK who went out of their WAY to make me feel less deserving and less worthy of the care that SO MANY OTHERS receive without any racist preconceived ideas and notions! I dissuade ALL Black people I have ever met dealing with Cancer from getting care at MSK, because for all of its accolades and praises from other Cancer patients of other races and ethnicities, (I’m African American) the experiences for BLACK patients is HORRIFIC to say the LEAST!!! Thank you for your time, and thank you for allowing me this forum to relate my story to you!!! I hope NO ONE has to experience what I did, no matter WHAT race they are, but I don’t think this would’ve happened to any other person from any other racial group than mine! The amount of ridiculousness black people have to face in the New York Medical community is OVERWHELMINGLY ABUNDANT!!!

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