powerless

I recently joined 'reddit' and posted a comment on a self harm scar. My comment was insensitive and I will not repeat it here. It was the reply that I received which really opened my eyes to my own trauma.

The reply from the "redditor" was "I am sorry you are feeling powerless over your own body". I never thought about it this way. I know one thing for sure. The trauma took something away from me that day. It took my confidence and my care free attitude and left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I want that happy go lucky kid back. The other side of the argument is finally growing up and entering the 'real world'. It could be a combination of both although I consider it was mostly my poor decisions catching up with me.

12 long years have passed since I was assaulted and time has done little to heal the pain. I am just as angry and grief stricken as the day the incident occurred. I was not in control of the situation and maybe this is why I feel the way that I do?

Revenge plays on my mind a lot and I catch myself drifting in and out of seeking vengeance. I have medication which temporarily assists in levelling my emotions and focusing on the here and now.

My mind will play tricks on me from time to time; starting me off on a road of revenge only to lead me to grief and misery. I am of the belief that revenge will do little to heal my pain as the damage has well and truly been done.

#power #powerless #MightyTogether #TheMighty #Friends #foes #Love #hate #betrayal #Depression #ChronicFatigue #PTSD #Pain #suffering #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Scars #Trauma #Revenge #rut #despair #hopelessness #self #Selfesteem #Confidence #Happiness #Hope #pleasure #Healing #Recovery #Addiction #selfmedicate #Hope #Emotion #CPTSD #Grief #Survivor

Hi, I have BPD, anxiety and PTSD. I find myself feeling backed into a corner and haven't where to turn. I was recently in crisis and reached out to my parents. It should be noted that I have had 2 other instances where I was suicidal and called my parents. The 1st time I received no response and the second I was hung up on and I called the police to take me to the hospital. This time wasn't much different. We did get into an argument via text, but once again, I, alone, had to deal with my crisis. The next day my mother new where I was but did not attempt to contact me. 4 days later while I was sitting in my car, calm and clearly not in crisis, my parents held me against my will; injured me, and threatened me because I refused to go to a facility that does not treat BPD. The police were called and ultimately, they could not hold me. The next day a petition was filed to have me involuntary committed and the sheriff's dept and my parents have been searching for me ever since. I am terrified of the police since my last few encounters with them have been, let's say traumatizing. And I'm afraid to be around my parents because I don't want to go through another traumatic experience like our last one. I'm afraid to go anywhere! I'm afraid that no one will listen to me! Im being portrayed that I'm out of control and they are parents if the year. I openly admit I need counseling, but it's difficult when the only place you can afford tells you they dont treat personality disorders and I'll be treated for bipolar instead. I'm homeless right now because of them. They turned my daughter against me and that's where I was staying most of the time and I don't have friends I can stay with. All of this stress is taking a physical toll on my health and I feel helpless. I welcome any and all suggestions and/or advise. Thank you for reading and God bless! #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #forcedtreatment #powerless #Anxiety

Don't I have enough anxiety with my own problems without watching the news? I swore I wouldn't watch anymore news at the beginning of November. What will be will be, and I can't change it so I won't look. I did good for a while. Then I started peeking in the morning...until today. I spent the whole day watching awful people and eating chocolate and now I have a headache and feel terrible. I can't keep letting people with bad intentions ruin my life. I wish I had the power of persuasion but I don't and I know these people wouldn't listen anyway. It makes me continue to feel powerless. I have to stick to what I can control...what I watch; what I eat; who I allow in my life; and how I talk to myself. I feel so small and insignificant right now. My book says that this means I'm triggered.

#News #powerless
#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder

I've had a bad bout of depression since last week. My BFF lost patience with me.  I am also out of my estrogen patches and don't see the doc for that until next week.  I hate what is happening in this country.  I feel assaulted by memories of being abused by bullies as a kid and being abused by a church in college.  I have scrupulosity OCD and that does not help.  And I seemed to be doing OK a few weeks ago.  Now this.  Nothing I do matters and I can't figure anything out.  Everyone believes they are right and everyone can use the Bible to prove that they are right and everyone else is wrong.
#powerless #Depression #ScrupulosityOCD

I have been having the overwhelming feeling of powerlessness lately. I don't know what I believe, I don't know what I'm supposed to believe, and it's impossible to sort through all the information out there to figure out what the truth about anything is.  And it is never going to change.  Ever.  A friend has told me that I'm determined to see everything as hopeless.   Well, what if it is hopeless?  
Nothing I do is ever going to make any kind of difference.  If I support a cause, it's usually on the losing side.  And no matter what I say, do, or think, I am going to be clobbered, and the clobberers have louder voices and more resources to do the clobbering with.

I couldn't stop the bullies when I was six years old, and that set my life on the path it's on now.  I'm told "you need to fight for what you believe in" but why fight when you always lose?  Do you know how demoralizing that is?

I suspect something is chemically wrong in my brain but I don't know what it is.  (I'm on antidepressants.)  Is it hormones?  (I'm 55, past menopause.)  And how do I get myself treated without falling into the hands of a quack?  

And I've been testing my sugar and it is having a hard time going below 100.  I'm afraid of type 2 diabetes.  I am afraid of everything.  Oh, and I've also been told, "you can't let it get to you" but it DOES get to me.  Everything does.

I’d like to add that I’m emotionnally exhausted about the situation. I’m starting to do more harm than good, and feeling that my own life is going astray. She even accuses me for everything when I do mistakes
I have no idea who to ask for help. She refuses to talk about it to anyone except a therapist and keeps herself in a lot of work. I’m a therapist myself, but I’m far too involved to do something about it. It’s even more difficult with the fact that I work in this area.

I would like some advice from you, I’m feeling very lonely in all this.

I #powerless #AnxietyDisorders #Love #help

I was diagnosed with BPD, Bulimia, PTSD, combined depression and anxiety disorder..
🔜 turning 22, but feel like on a death bed..
Have always been an outstanding student, started medical school few years ago, but my psychological state completely consumed me. Few days ago, got out of the 6th hospitalisation which was more traumatising than helping. Progressively losing memory. I'm powerless, hopeless and terrified.#CheckInWithMe #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BulimiaNervosa #Anxiety #Psychosis #Desperate #exhausted #helpless #powerless

I am not giving up
I am not letting me go in this world.
I just gaze into the death cup
And realize the soreness it does hold.

THAT comes in many forms,
Disappointments from those you relied on,
Broken trusts between those you believed.
Dreams, goals, reasons that are forgone,
And the love that now is grieved.

I had roamed in the unknown
That now my structure in sown
The weight of other’s guilt
Had the ground beneath me split.

I am not giving up
I am not letting go

I am just tired of being alive
Unable to move on

I am powerless...
#MentalHealth #powerless #givingup