ifyoufeelhopless

I've been known to feel shy at dances because nobody dances with me. Well, to me it looks like that when nobody looks at me. I told s VSA teacher that, and she told me that actually everybody's dancing with me. Knowing this will help me #keepgoing to the dances.

May I offer some insight for those in a similar place, and for those younger than me. If only I could help prevent someone going down a similar road as mine. Any issue related to mental health illness may produce immense mountain/s that have to be traversed, causing an immense pain that can not be voiced. At 47 years old, I am only just beginning to gain insight and awareness as to why I have turned out like I have, my goal is a desperate want to feel who I am, and "recover" (a life, where I sense I have a place) from a 35 year history of explicit mental health illness (i.e. signs of my inner distress) #DisorderedEating #complextrauma . #keepgoing and strive to think about what feels right for you? what makes you feel good? Where do you feel most alive, stop saying Yes! to things you do not want to do. Give yourself the permission to practice saying No. As a person who truly finds it impossible to not 'please others', saying No frees up head space and time to process a troubled phase, which for me is paramount if I am to survive and grow. If nothing in your life feels good, I relate to this with heartfelt empathy. This is a ghastly place to be. I never believed I would ever find a reason or want to even consider learning who I was? Let alone acknowledge my self and like myself, even writing "like myself" is tinged with hesitation and discomfort. Self care, self soothe, the simple things are what matter ... YOU MATTER, it is to right that you need to take those little steps towards taking care of yourself. You may be in a place where very few see any sense in what you are doing. That doesn't equal - your way is not the right way FOR YOU. The goal prior to that may be closer to mine where those little steps are aiming for a place where I can sense who I am, only then will I be able to think about caring for myself (my fundamental needs e.g. nourishment) #keepgoing because YOU ARE WORTH IT! If you can not see that, allow someone else to hold that worth for you until you dare start to taking a little for yourself #youareworthit
#ifyoufeelhopless
xx

Every time I have been in my darkest #Depression , My most unbearable #Mania ,  #Psychosis and #Paranoia , or at the point where I just want it to end, I have done something very small, but very significant. I measure time by the second, the minute, the hour, the day until I can buy myself enough time to contact a friend, my doctor, a crisis line, or the hospital. If I can keep going for another second, another minute, another hour, another day, I am beating the desire that my illness wants me so badly to give in to. Most times, I wake up the next day with the gratitude of not giving up.

You are never a burden and you matter.

I've been there. At one point it got so bad I didn't want to live anymore. I didn't see why I should try anymore. I didn't see how I was contributing at all to anyone. I didn't feel like I had any extremely close friends since my best friend moved away 3 years ago. I couldn't find my place.
And then I found my family when I joined Color Guard (Marching Band). My first season was rough but I really found myself during my second season (right now) when I decided to not give up. We as a group have grown so close and we all love each other and are there for each other no matter what. They have taught me what love and family is. They are my family. It is because of them that I feel happy to wake up everyday. It is because of them that I don't want to give up. I owe them everything.

If I could give you any advice it would be to find something that you belong to. Once you find that place everything else falls into place. When you live true to yourself is when you find your group of people. Your family. So before you try to find anyone, find what you're passionate about. Once you find that, you'll find everything else. I promise. And if that seems way to hard, start out small with your hobbies and move from there.

It's because of "my family" that I'm still fighting. And if you don't have a "family" just yet, I'll be your family. Just know that you are not alone. I understand and I want you to know, there are people that care about you out there. I know that now, it just took some time for me to find them.