recovering

Recently going through a breakup, somewhat mutual but I brought up the fact that maybe we are going around in circles breaking up and getting back together, I had a bad panic attack/ crying I was stressed/ overwhelmed and they meant well to support me but were comparing me, saying I should be stronger, crying makes me weak etc, English isn’t their first language but they speak it well 🗣️, and I guess I was hurt because I know they meant well but it just made me feel more crappy and stigmatized, they kept going on and on and comparing me to other people etc. I know they loved me and were just concerned, but it sucks i feel regret though I feel in my gut it was problem for the best for both of us. But almost 3 years into a relationship
It’s still hard to let go. I’m proud of myself for doing a lot better than I expected but it’s hard when you get those emotional breakdowns and are just overwhelmed by everything and life in general.

#breakup #recovering #MentalHealth #Hurts #grieving #relationship #Ex
#healthybuttoxictoo #help #kindreminders #helpme #sad #Crying #Upset #Disappointed #regrets #dontknowwhattodo #isolated

Ever since my horrible time in the mental health hospital (which I boldly call the Insane Asylum) something went Click. The place was cold, old, dirty, and in some areas, moldy. I had a horrible experience, and it was not theraputic at all.

According to my recent therapy appointments since I have left the facility, I have changed. I am almost hardened. Things are not as impactful to me anymore the way they used to be. I am not #Bothered by things like I used to be. #BipolarDisorder seems to have nearly vanished. I have had zero symptoms. This is where I come up with the idea that something in my mind went "CLICK." I don't know what this is, but It is not bad. I feel like after the hellish experience I had, that I am no longer the same person that I was before. I feel stronger, no thanks to the facility, but rather the practice of telling myself to stay strong and behave and not show any emotions so I could go back home safely.

I remember when I was there, I had thought that it was interesting how I had comforted my mom. I told her that I would have lots of stories to share with her once I was home.

It was like jail. Only being allowed to use the phone briefly per day was like jail. I couldn't believe my eyes at the things I saw, and still have a food aversion to Ham (yes.. ham as in lunch meat!) They literally had served it for a breakfast, lunch, and dinner. One time being a soft taco, with a slice of ham, and a slice of cheese rolled up. That was breakfast. And then the same for lunch and dinner. I felt like I was in the twilight zone!

Anyway... I am so #thankful to be home. And I never ever want to go back to place like that. Ever.

#StayStrong
#movingforward
#recovering

I’ve come a long way, from wheelchair, to walker, to cane which I only seem to need in busy or stimulating environments. I’m recovering suicidal psychosis #SuicidalOCD and #NeurologicalDisorder caused by never-treated  #LymeDisease  

Nine months before I lost control of my body, 10 months before it became difficult to speak, and 15 months before a doctor finally figured out this diagnosis—the first symptom was a horrific psychosis.

For 22 months I’d see non-stop pictures and movies of me ending my life. This was different from suicidal ideation I'd experience as a child and throughout most of my adult life, suicidal thoughts I was able to stop with years of counseling and   #EyeMovementDesensitizationAndReprocessing  

Recently, cooking has become a #Healing   hobby, as it continues to be excellent occupational therapy for restrengthing my brain, and fantastic  #ExposureTherapy  

At first I could only use a knife while my husband was watching. With exposure therapy, I've been trying to teach my brain, and teach me, that I won't hurt myself with the knife, just because I’m seeing it, and certainly not because I’m holding it. This is how I got the pictures down to 5 times a day, then down to 0-to-5 times a day.

#recovering drug addict plus mental illness