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Fear of Showing Empathy

I’m reading an article called Fear of Empathy and realizing that that describes my terror of showing my empathetic side to other people, for fear that people will yet again take advantage of my help, and not allow me to take care of myself, or will humiliate me when I do cry in front of others, especially in public, or will beat me if I show my strongly empathetic side to others. The problem is, I’ve already learned not to bottle up my emotions, however, I don’t know how to move past this problem by myself. Any advice, encouragement, suggestions and guidance about solving this issue is welcome. #HELPMEPLEASEGOD, #Anxiety, # CPTSD, #PTSD, #FearofEmpathy .


Complicated Relationship

I love my mom. She helps me get to appointments and protects me from dad. She hugs me when I cry, laughs with me and explains what is going on to others. But she is deeply hurting. I can see it all the time. My dad greatly affects her, along with the divide between me and him. She loves us both, but dad is abusive. He hurts her greatly and a lot. She feels like she is caught between me and him a lot. I am trying to lessen the feeling of being stuck between me and him, but I don’t think I am succeeding. No matter what I do, talk, compromise, show, give, dad never believes me, my illnesses, or the abuse. He claims that I don’t respect him, or I am ungrateful or that I don’t love him. I have emotionally distantced myself from him as much as possible, but my mom can’t. And she won’t get help. Being put on antidepressants final last year helped her some, but not enough. She won’t get help, no matter what I do. She is use to the abuse from her mom, family and now dad. I know I can’t save her, but losing her would kill me. I can’t even think of it. And if I leave, I don’t think she would last. Dad affects her so much but is staying for healthcare, for me, and because she loves dad. I don’t think she will ever leave, she’s just lying to herself and me. I feel like I am losing her and no amount of praise or love or yelling can convince her to help herself. I’m scared that one day, I will have to say goodbye to her cause she keeps affecting me, that it will be my emotional health over hers. I want to leave, but don’t have the financial means or the health to. Yet anyway. Mom doesn’t want me to leave because she will miss me, and I’m scared I’m the only thing tethering her to the place, or life. She keeps bring herself down after she fails me or dad and it is up to me to say she is not a failure, I don’t hate her, I love you every time she breaks a promise or emotionally collapses. I need to constantly assure her that she is not a failure, not a disappointment, I would miss you if you died. She keeps giving even when she can’t and then it falls back onto me negatively. I think she breaks promises with me the most cause she knows I don’t get mad at her easily. I am sad, frustrated, angry and tired. I am improving, but she isn’t. She won’t get help until I am helped, but it might be too late by then. I don’t know what to do. She won’t budge, just like dad. I feel like if I leave, she’ll die and it hurts. Please help me.
#Depression #Anxiety #Abuse #Parents #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors #Relationships #PanicAttack #HELPMEPLEASEGOD


Anxious #Anxiety

I have two different exams coming up next week. One is a German certificate exam and one is my school exam and right now I feel really messed up. I can’t sleep, I start crying randomly and I’m very scared. I’ve skipped school now for a week. I feel like I’m suffocating. The pressure is too much. Coupled with the fact that I’m in my final year of college and there are too many things to do with no time. And then everyone’s asking me what my plans are after school and all I’m trying to do is make it to graduation. I’m so scared and I feel so alone right now because no one understands what this is doing to me. I’ve tried so hard this year and now it just feels like I’m drowning. I’m so tired I can’t even sleep through the night .

#HELPMEPLEASEGOD #help #Anxiety #Depression

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Why can't anyone see me

Seems like everyday is a struggle to stay alive
It's like I'm standing in a room screaming for help and no one can see me. #Depression #HELPMEPLEASEGOD #Pain


I need help

In the last two weeks I have started 6th form. But I’m always so tired as I don’t sleep much at night. As in so tired I am always falling asleep when I’m home. I need help if way too try and sort this out as in falling very far behind my home work. This is a big thing and is worth some of my grad at the end of the year. But I just cannot focus cus I can’t sleep.
#Anxiety #deppression #Voices #help #ME #HELPMEPLEASEGOD

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Today the straw broke the camels back!

Today I’m not okay, today I want to fall apart; I’ve kept it together long enough, I. Just. Can’t. Keep going like everything is perfectly fine, pretending to live in a fairytale world, pushing my emotions/feelings to the side to spare others; i feel like I’m dying a slow death. My chest hurts, aches,not even digging a key into my leg/arm eases the pain I feel in my chest. Anybody know that feeling? Constantly putting yourself on the back burner thinking it’s going to pay off, but watching it all blow up in your face, it’s never good enough, leaving yourself wondering why you tried in the first place, but not wanting your “mental issues” thrown in your face, so again you hold it together & try to forget the disappointment. I’m tired, the depression is back, I’ve fought really hard to get where I’m at today, but my head is saying it was all for nothing, back to square one. #BipolarDisorder #Depression #HELPMEPLEASEGOD #Anxiety


Help Me! My fiancé has debilitating anxiety! #Anxiety #HELPMEPLEASEGOD

My fiancé has HORRIBLE anxiety and it manifests in various ways...some days he can’t function, and other days he’s angry and placed blame on everyone but himself and fails to see the things that HE did to contribute to the situation....and then about once a week he has a moment of clarity and sees everything clear as day and is’s a rollercoaster ride and I don’t know what to do, specifically when he gets stuck blaming everyone, including me, for his anxiety and for things that have happened in life that he played a huge part do you reach someone when they’re in this mode

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Help me.

I feel so alone. I thought the suicidal thoughts would go away. I feel trapped. I can’t follow through with them but I can’t get rid of them.
I’m a Christian and I’ve prayed and prayed but God isn’t doing anything.. at least it doesn’t feel like it anyway. I’m so done with this. I need it to stop. #suicidal #Suicide #Depression #HELPMEPLEASEGOD


#Anxiety Panic Attacks

I’ve lived with anxiety and panic attacks since I was a little girl. I thought it was normal to feel that way. It wasn’t until my adult life that I found out I had been experiencing anxiety most of my life. For the most part the last ten years of being disabled I had only one instance where something in me changed and I was breaking down a lot. Eventually it faded away. But something has changed in me for six months now. And things are progressing and spiraling out of control. These panic attacks are so bad that all I can think about is making the panic and pain go away. I do dangerous things sometimes to make that feeling go away. But only temporarily. I’m having these attacks more frequently now. Sometimes several times a day. I try to find ways out of my situation, but I don’t see any way out. I have no one to talk to. I’m afraid to say to my family what’s really going on cuz they’ll just put me in the hospital. And I refuse to do that. I’m fed up with my life. I’m done. I’m afraid one of these I will have such a bad attack that I’ll just end my life. I’ll finally go far enough to end it permanently. The. It’ll be too late and I can’t take it back. But I also can’t take my life anymore either. I feel trapped. I can’t live on like this but I don’t want to I die like that. So what’s left? All I know is pain, and as long as I’m alive it’s just going to continue. If I take my life the pain is finally gone. And I want that relief so bad I’m at that point of thinking death is my only way out. All I think about now is how much I wanna die. I’ve haven’t been this down since I was a teenager. And those were some of the darkest times of my life. And that’s scary. There’s nothing left for me here. I often think about the pain I’d cause my family, but I honestly think they would be happier and better off without me. I’d be doing everyone a favor. I guess I’m not the only one who felt this bad. In the book of Job, it talks about how he wished he was never even born. That’s where I’m at now. I keep waiting, hoping, fighting to find a reason to keep on going. But all the pain I’ve held in my whole life is finally coming out. All those things that happened and it barely fazed me. And I always wondered how I was so strong. Now I know I just pushed it down further and further. But now everything is coming out of me all at once. Every pain, every betrayal, every hurt. And I fear it’s only begun to surface. The cat is now out of the bag so to speak. There’s no more room to stuff it all back down this time. It’s about to explode if I don’t do something about it. But what?
#Depression #Anxiety #Suicide #HELPMEPLEASEGOD