emergency

Hi everyone. I just wanted to ask for prayers and good thoughts. Im in the er right now. I was out too long in the snow trying to get my outside dogs in my house because someone called animal control on me for having them out in the snow. I cant feel my feet or legs or get them warm, so I’m hoping the doctors here can do something for me. Im worried about losing my toes or my feet, so please keep me in your thoughts okay? Thanks.
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#Emergency #ADD #Bipolar 2 #Fear

My best friend came back and then disappeared again and blocked me on every social media telling that in our relationship I was the only one believing in it.

After that famous night and after what happened with the colleague that tried approached with me, I developed some plants allergies.
Those plants were present during my hard times with him because we are in a country town so it is full of flowers and plants.
Anyway, later on I became to isolate (not for my willings but for situations) from everyone and now I feel very lonely.
I need to speak up, I need to tell everyone my story but I am able to do only in a language that it’s not my native one.
So, here’s my story.
I hope that someone would read it.
Please, if you notice one of your colleagues or your friends that seems so silent and so frightened to report with other colleagues please help him/her.
Don’t tell him/her to stay silent.
It’s very harmful.

I need to reassess things that are happened in the last 18 months.
Before the pandemic started, I was fighting with a form of depression caused by bad memories (maybe one day I’ll write down them too…who knows..).
My best friends nearly convinced me to seek for therapy, but then pandemic broke out and I didn’t have possibilities anymore.
So, I was suffering very bad.
I was really hurt and it seemed like it was all collapsing around me.
My best friend and I both used to work in emergency field (two kinds of different professionals but we both work in EMS).
He told me that if I wouldn’t seek out for help in time, I would face depression, anxiety and burn-out but I’m a bit too proud to ask for any kind of help.
(Sorry for the bad English expressions, it’s not my native language).
So, in those months, I thought my life had no sense.
Then pandemic broke out and all things went worse.
From February to Semptember there’s nothing relevant to say.
Last September, anyway, a call changed my life. Now my life is divided between “before that call” and “after that call”.
Now I don’t know if I’m suffering from PTSD, trauma or whatever this is it but that night my life and my emotions changed.
During this call, we had to resuscitate a man hit by a heart attack.
That man reminded me of my dad, dead from that cause.
So, I went into this house and I found someone performing CPR.
I started to perform CPR and I went on for about 45 minutes.
Eventually, that man died.
It felt like everyone fell down around me.
I had an emotional breakdown after he was pronounced death in the ER.
I talked with one of my colleagues about the fact that that man reminded me of my father, I started crying and I wanted to hide under 7 meters of ground.
That colleague was the only person who I expressed my feeling that night.
That colleague was a person that I profoundly admired and that called one of my friends in the midtime to make himself sure that I was ok.
I found it a nice try.
But, a few days later that colleague started physical approaches with me and I didn’t want them.
I started telling him that I wasn’t comfortable, but he began to touch me when I wasn’t able to move or react because of patients or tough calls.
It became a nightmare.
I talked about this with my best friends and he decided to walk out of my life because he just didn’t want to be in the middle of this.
Another friend told me to stay quiet and not telling anybody about this because nobody had to know.
Just to stay still and strong and not telling anybody.
I remained alone struggling with bad thoughts.
To catch something good from the night when that man died, I started a relationship with another colleague that was with me that night.
That relationship ended because he tried me to force to have sex with him….I tried to restart the relationship and it ended because he slapped me.
On subsequent months, I argued with many colleagues because of pandemic.
#Part1

I’m feeling extremely anxious over a decision I need to make about upcoming heart surgery. I have lost all confidence in the dr who’s planning on doing the surgery and a present I’m getting a second opinion from the VA. I have a pacemaker and the dr wants to do a procedure called AV Nodal Ablation they zap the devise in your heart that controls your heartbeat with radiation and heat to kill it and my pacemaker will have to control my heartbeat for the rest of my life.That’s the part I don’t like the dr who wants to do the Ablation is said to have the same problem with his heart as I do. This is the kicker a nurse who I believe worked for my dr a one time came into my room when I was recovering from the pacemaker installation and stated to me to be extremely cautious of the dr. She stated to me he has a hidden agenda in that he uses his patience to try and find a cure for his on problem.I presume now you can see why I’m a little anxious over his diagnosis. I’m so filled with anxiety I got baptized before I would even think of having the surgery that’s how much confidence I have in this dr now.If you believe in the power of prayer please say a prayer for me . #Hospitals #Emergency #Worried

#Crisis #Hoplessness #Emergency #breakdown #Depression #Hosptial #Inpatient #Psychosis #psychosiscomesinmanyforms #Psychosis #PsychoticEpisodes #major depressive disorder with psychotic features #PsychoticDepression #Insomnia #isolationinchronicillness #Isolation #Disability #done #SuicideIdeation #Suicide #DoctorStrange #Doctors #Medsarentworking #MedsThatWork #Medication #ChronicPain Fibromyalgia #Dysphagia #Dysphagia #LaryngopharyngealReflux #PanicDisorder #PanicAttacks #Herniatedisc #CervicalDiscDegeneration #DegenerativeDiscDisease #Lumbar
#Thoracic #cervicalspinefusion #SpinalFusion #cervicogenic headaches #ChronicMigraineSyndrome #Migraine #chronic fatigue syndrome #Disability #Ataxia #balance #MemoryLoss #ADHD #PosttraumaticStressDisiroder #TraumaRecovery #chronicpainsufferer #ChronicIllnessStigma #ChronicIllnessEDS #Chronicpainstruggle #Nosupportsystem #nofamilysupport #helpneeded #HELPMEPLEASEGOD #GettingHelp #helpme