housebound

I'm sharing a previously posted story written on here from 4 years ago.

My very last 'surviving' friendship is now also drifting away out of my reach 😔. I hate the loneliness it brings.

Having one friend made everyone else disappearing more bearable. But how am I to feel now I am alone? no more bestie or 'solid' friendship.

Was it me? Am I too oppressive? Could I have done more?! - I'll never know.

To clarify, we had a 10 year friendship and we were each others 'best friend' she is my sons godmother. We were literally thick as thieves - could finish each others sentences, say the same things at the same time. She, my husband and I were the '3 amigos'

So our situation now is that she, and her new husband have moved to another town nearby. She's made new dear friends there,and has slowly weaned off me.

The last time she saw me it was for my birthday 2 weeks after it 😓 it felt like she was feeling awkward after a while. After she left, I never received the 'I really enjoyed seeing you 🥰' etc text message we would normally exchange - even though I sent one myself

What finally made me see it for what it is, is that I was meant to see her tomorrow. We planned this ages ago. But was told yesterday she cannot do the afternoon. Morning only. Then today got a message cancelling entirely

Once before I got sick there was a time where I was all she had, even when everybody left her due to a trauma she experienced, I supported her through.

I really thought after years of bullying and never fitting in due to Autism, I had found my 'forever friend' ❤️ for years and years our social media pages were constantly full of pictures of our 'adventures' and tagging each others names on posts. Almost announcing to the world what a close unbreakable friendship we had. It made me feel lucky and special🤦‍♀️ somebody liked me for me! I had never had a friendship this genuine before (i thought) I feel embarrassed to have felt this way now.

I know people who don't stick around due to illness aren't worth my time. Equally I know people can change and drift apart too, but I thought we were stronger than that?

But it doesn't change the hurt. Especially as this gradually happened over two years, feeling it slip away. Questioning if it was really happening? Surely not?! Then realising the truth, and the painful feelings of being alone, betrayal, of feeling replaced - as if I were a broken toy.

I feel very sad really. Especially as I am housebound, and cannot make friends offline.

Has anybody else been left totally alone other than their spouse/partner?
(im lucky mine is incredible)

This epitomises how I feel

Dear Friends: Please Don't Leave Just Because I Have a Chronic Illness

#friendships  #ChronicIllness  #Loneliness  #Depression  #UCTD #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Autism #ADHD #ASD #AutoimmuneDisease #alone #CheckInWithMe #Sadness #housebound #Longtermillness #hi #Lupus #MixedConnectiveTissueDisease #Fatigue
#ChronicFatigue #ME

Feeling a bit lonely today guys, can anyone advise? ❤

Probably like a few of you on here lots of my 'friends' abandoned me 2 1/2 years ago when I got sick.

I tried to stay positive as I had 3 separate girls who I thought were 'keepers' I've been hearing less and less replies from them over the past 6 months.

Yesterday I messaged all 3, and none have replied. I feel even more lonely then before I messaged them.

There's nothing worse than feeling alone, when having friends is something you want.

I don't even know where to find anybody new. I find myself talking too much to anyone now doctors, nurses etc. Just because I don't have anybody else. It hurts.

What is worse is that it's my 'best friends' and my 10 year anniversary since we met this month, we were literally so close this is something we would have celebrated. she doesn't seem interested. She was like my family but seems to have moved on with new friends, as she's moved to another nearby town.

When she does message me im always hearing about a 'friend' when I ask what she's been up to.

Messages used to be often but now it's always 'sorry I didn't realise I didn't reply' or 'sorry I didn't send a reply i typed' or 'I completely forgot to reply' daily now. Where she's obviously messaging others and forgets about me.

I just feel at such a loss. I'm lucky to have an amazing husband but it's not the same as girl time.

Can anybody else relate? Sorry for rant. Happy Sunday everybody lots of love xx

#lonely  #Friendship  #Friends  #COVID  #longcovid  #longhauler  #CFS  #ChronicFatigue  #Fatigue  #Autism  #ADHD  #UndifferentiatedConnectiveTissueDisease  #UCTD  #MixedConnectiveTissueDisease  #hiatushernia  #housebound  #CheckInWithMe  #lookingforchat  #lookingforfriendship  #UK  #England

Who else has agoraphobia and would like to see some changes in how agoraphobia is treated in the mental health system? Who else has it all?? Feels very difficult to find real answers sometimes...can't find an exposure therapist or even minimum wage (currently below) remote work.

I'm having a very hard time being compassionate towards a vast majority of people who were never compassionate to me.

I'm having a very hard time coping with anger, bitterness, resentment, and disgust.

I'm having a hard time staying aware, because seeing "how to cope" information is triggering, since that information was not readily available when I asked for it.

I'm having a hard time finding ways and places appropriate to express these strong negative emotions, to unpack them, or to process them.

I am feeling left behind, again.

As the world plays catch up with itself, desperately trying to learn skills as a community that I had to learn alone, our needs are again dismissed, my anger inappropriate, my criticisms too harsh, my existence, still, inconvenient.

Disabled and dismissed when my needs are invisible.
Disabled and dismissed when my needs are seen and understood.

#ChronicIllness #ChronicFatigue   #MentalHealth  #housebound   #bedbound