Understanding

Hello family!!!

This Asian American & Pacific Islander Heritage Month, embrace every dimension of us.

I always try to think about each one of us as a human, before race, or culture, or health issues, or all the other aspects of ourselves. It is not easy many times, of course, because we have a history, our journey, everything we have learned, all we see in media, etc, and that makes us assume something about a person.

I have been an honorary lesbian, an honorary woman, an honorary black woman, an honorary straight person, an honorary trans latine, etc etc, etc

What I've meant with this, is that at many events, conversation tables, literally I've been told I am an honorary guest, that for me, it means been accepted in the family, in the group, in the chat.

It is an honor when a person or a group opens their heart or doubts, or questions to me. For many, it is difficult to start a chat, approach someone, or simply and complicated been ourselves in front of others. So, when I feel accepted, or I see smiles reflecting back to me, or a touch, a hug, a business card, or a WELCOME to this event, especially when the focus is on a particular community, the moment is magical.

I've been at many zooms, or gatherings where I am sometimes the only man, or the only Latino, or the only gay person, etc, etc...and it can be scary, it can be amazing, or complicated, because YES, it's ME/YOU, our body with all the mixing what makes me Jesus Guillen, but also, the way society works, we are REPRESENTING all our parts in front of others who are different ( and of course, this difference at the end means we are EQUAL, but also accepting what makes us unique).

All I'm trying to say is: LET's CELEBRATE THIS MONTH OUR Asian American & Pacific Islander Heritage, friends, allies, collaborators, and simply HUMANITY. As a Mexican, many might not know, that our indigenous background has also possibilities of Asian background. Even what has been known and found, it's that even our indigenous past music was more related to the notes used in Asian music than occidental melodies and sounds. Of course, that's another long conversation because most of it was destroyed, hum, the priests said it was music from the devil.

MORE THAN EVER WE NEED TO BE #Together

But, yes, at this moment, sending love, thanks, and healing energy to all my Asian American & Pacific Islander friends, allies, and in general THE COMMUNITY.

ALWAYS FIGHT FOR EACH OTHER, and for having a representation of the most possible colors of the rainbow at any event, group, and social media.

Anyone who wants to collaborate in a Zoom or an event, I am here. #Pain #Anxiety #Aging #LGBTQI #Isolation #Loneliness #Understanding ALL!

Affectionate me.

#equality #Inclusion #MentalHealth #Race #ethnicgroup #antistigma #againstageism #Hope

I’ve been buying myself a lot of #motivationalshirtsANDsweaters online ever since I found one that spoke to my #soul - and this one sweater pictured here is my favorite one.

It says… “Stay” with added words on the right sleeve… “The world is a better place with you in it.”

Whenever I wear this, my eyes would always drift to my arm and it brings me a little #Hope at a time of getting through this.

I want people to be more #informed and more #aware that the things we go through is a real #illness and that a lot of us suffer from it.

After having a conversation with my favorite #maillady I found out that she too was in my shoes. We both agreed that #oneword or even a #friendlyacknowledgment from someone (that let’s you know that you’re #NotInvisible ) can help us get through the day. Like another shirt of mine says…

“You are #NeverAlone - Keep fighting… everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about.”

I just want the #stigmatoend and have people more #aware because in certain cases, not knowing how to react to something in an #Understanding and #positive way, and instead react #negatively , but not on purpose, that their reactions have the ability to #trigger us back downward, or make the rest of our day #happy

If no one told you today…

#youareloved
#youmatter
#youarenotdefinedbyyourillness
#youarenotalone

At least do no harm

Hey, I’m new to this app. I am 23 and just recently diagnosed with Bpd. I am trying to meet people and have more people in my life that understand what I’m going through because right now no one in my life does. I hope to find a couple of people or even a group of people to stay in contact with through DMs and we can help each other and support one another! ❤️😊#Support #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Understanding

There are times when what has been becomes suddenly much more real then usual.
Not as a flashback - they're definitely different - but more like a realization that what's in my memories, in my patterns, in my body and mind has really happened, some time ago in my life.

What surprises me the most is:
I'm not fine, even though I'm better than in previous months and years, but, the hell, compared to before it's like I'm in Heaven.

It doesn't bring me the positivity and mood switch I might expect, it weights the same, most of the times, but it surely helps me redimensioning the whole picture.
I'm grateful, overall, for one thing: now, when I have my crisis, they're still bad and, sometimes, worse than other times years ago, BUT they're crisis: they happen from time to time. (I'm not talking about being on low mood; to me, before, it was much more than that: tentacles slipping out of my head trying to choke me and smash anything inside and around me).
I can feel my mind clean, and, yup, I'm now crying, all of a sudden.

I'd never wanna go back to before.

A week ago I was writing a post I've never shared and, when recalling the bad effects the thing I was talking about had on me, I realized the list was very very long and very very painful and messy.
What makes it often difficult for me to comprehend my patterns and problems is that I tend to hide them, and then forget about them, over the years.

Thing is, there has been terror.
I don't wanna include the details, because I'm aware that for someone they could be not nice.

I shared this picture (search for Riftress on Pinterest, if you're interest - I really like these works) because it is one of the pics I saved back then.
Something have sucked up my own self from my life and I think it was the exhaustion from that period.

Crying helps me too.
If now I'm crying, it means it really has been hard.
Since I tend to hide and minimize, since people shared their issues with me and rarely listened to me, always ignored the signals I was pointing out and since things for me often changed - environmentally speaking - I tend to forget.
To me, now, it feels like I'm based on a void past.
It doesn't mean I'd wanna linger on it: just that in order to understand why I am the way I am today I need to recall.

Times like this one, though, makes me wanna go back that before and erase everything. Why it had to be so damageful.
Again, though, I tend to hide: none really witnessed in person any free expression of my mental state, so, then, it feel more righteous to minimize it. This confuses me.

Though I think it's not fair to compair: the same trauma can have different outcomes on different people; that's why I think crying is helpful -> it spots out the fact that what I'm feeling and thinking about - recalling - has really been a hardship for me.

But it seems impossible that all the dark lump has really left. Did it?
Instead of feeling and expressing itself in dark and full of --- ways*, my mind's just flat. That's the new pattern, I guess.
I've been backfired.
* I don't really feel at ease sharing details, again, but I don't know how to express it.

I still have issues to work on, sometimes - often - I just can take my mind anymore, I often have no energy to live my life, but sure it changed. Time heals.
And I've understood myself and other people better, in the meanwhile, which has been another fundamental turning point.
And I can't express how grateful I am whenever I get to become more aware then before. I love understanding.
So - I still can change and for the better.
There's and I have hope in it.

#Reflection #throwback #Trauma #Crisis #time #Understanding #past #Memory #Pain #cry #Life #mind #pattern #backfired #Healing #Awareness #HealingProcess #exhaustion #Monster #illness #MentalHealth #growing #growth #Present #Hope #change #Grief #Energy

It is raining #antibodies to all of the viruses people have been plagued with here. People are reporting #ActOfKindness between strangers; even in traffic!! The #Disabled are being shown respect. It seems #Understanding that Disabled does not mean Unable is in the morning dew. Those living with Chronic Depression are receiving free access to the proven magnetic field therapies available but that only the wealthy and highest executive packages could afford before now. Wait, breaking news, the acts of kindness have spread into neighborhood businesses, pharmacies and grocery stores. So many shut in for medical and psych reasons are able to get their needs met now without begging strangers or paying $15-25 dollars more than their driving counterparts.
What Is Your Fantasy News Report?
Follow w/ yours if you want.

In My news, 12/2/22 I began with mean virus, immediately caught CoVID AGAIN, then Bronchitis & relapsed on that! All ONLY 3 weeks before MY neurosurgery through my NOSE=PAIN=FEAR!!!
Naturally I failed to dump a guy that I kept catching in stupid lies to me. My Complex-PTSD gave me a plump case of codependency & I wasn’t “actively living” my program!!. Turns out when I’m miserable, & in emotional flashbacks from childhood I get mean. We are broke up now. Seven (7) COVID’s did not land me a Partridge or a Pear Tree. Severe Long Covid did give me …get this one-Dysautonomia. AVOID. I could be depressed but I’m too numbed by fear & anxiety to know it. ***Let’s All Have Happiness whenever we Seek It‼️