Whoswithme

#Whoswithme #questions im having a difficult time finding joy these days. I know I used visiting as a way to numb out or distract myself from my thoughts and issues. I know this now. Its been extremely difficult though now. I like to know I have the OPTION to do something if I wanted to. Now its been taken from me. ( all the mandatory quarantine/closures in alberta) ... friends don't visit or get together. I long for physical touch. ... all that has been taken. My husband isn't an affectionate person. So I dont can't much. That effects my mood, my mind.I HATE ZOOM lol.
I have 4 kids, i long to do things with them, take them places. Have a weekend away FROM THEM lol. Nope. That probably has something to do with my mental health. This full moon hasn't helped, my husband and I BROKE OUT in a huge fight. I just hate me lately. Feels like im the problem lately. I need to go back to pleasing everyone. Shutting up and not expressing myself, then everyone can go back to their old life, which would be better for all them cuz my feelings obviously don't matter.
I long to express my deepest darkest thoughts to my husband without judgment, but then im called a fucking selfish bitch.
Im just tired of all this. Doesn't seem like bettering myself is worth it anymore