Mental health and chronic pain
Hello, I feel as it is time for me to write again. The demons (figuratively speaking)in my head are screaming pretty loud today. I’m sitting on the couch a mess while my wife is making some food for me. You see I’m in Michigan and it’s 315 in the afternoon. Might I just add, depression is a demon of mine. Also meet anxiety, borderline personality disorder, chronic pain, and also gender dysphoria. I’m just sad today. You know how it is when you feel okay in the morning but you know something is going to happen. That was me and look where I’m at now, going from crying uncontrollably to what’s my purpose? I have a beautiful wife and a beautiful daughter. See you can have great things in life, but when these days hit me first thing in the morning and I sleep in, something is off. My mental illness such as anxiety and depression and everything else, my brain works differently. I’m very aware of my surroundings. Maybe it’s because I have a surgery coming up on Friday. I’m terrified especially since it’s on my back. I got dressed around 1130,am went to the store and grabbed a few groceries. Came home and I was just overwhelmed with everything, yet nothing was happening. My wife was doing laundry and we woke up on a good note. I don’t freaking get it. I feenlike a burden when I need help and or want attention. I like to feel wanted. Everyone should, am I right? I feel more upset because my wife expresses her concern but I don’t open up because I don’t like making her feel upset, especially when I am but I can’t express it. I am in therapy but at the same time my brain can’t rationalize. Also after surgery I’ll be out for 12 weeks. I pray and know it won’t last forever. I just don’t like asking for help and not being able to work. Also my wife is a teacher and she will be in the building for the weeks I’ll be home. I’m scared for her as well. My daughter will be around and so will a few family and friends. I just don’t want to feel like a burden because my mental illness doesn’t help as well. Any advice or any stories to help distract my mind would help.