Jokes

Hello everyone. I just want to start off by saying that I'm very uncomfortable and despite that I'm going to do my best to entertain you.

Where do I begin? Well, my name's Cat, Cat Vonnegut is my pen name, and I don't want to think I'm a narcissist, but (and nothing good is followed by a but, is it?) I don't want to think I'm a narcissist, but I'm also asking for you to give me your attention right now.

Am I neglected or just needy? How does one tell the difference between the two? Well, if you've come here for answers, I have good news, I don't have them. Why is that good news? You're not alone in being dumb and lost for answers. We're dumb together. They say misery loves company.... well, you're welcome. I came along for the misery ride before you even knew we were in the same bandwagon.

All aboard the depression express! I kid.

Anyone else have anxiety? or generalized anxiety disorder... or GAD as we call it, because we like to shorten things, and all the other alphabet soup diagnoses; ptsd, cptsd, ocd... or cdo as they prefer it. I kid.

Some days I really don't know if I'm artistic or autistic and apparently I could be both. The doctors don't really know either, something about needing to test me for how much money is left in my wallet. I kid, but diagnoses are expensive and a bit elitist, don't you think?

Think of it like this, having depression or anxiety and even having a therapist, that's like... having an associates degree in being mentally ill.

When diagnoses start getting more specific like... manic depression, generalized anxiety disorder (or GAD as mentioned earlier), maybe even agoraphobia... or the more complicated diagnoses like dipolar disorder, schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, etc. I think those are all bachelor's degrees in being mentally ill.

Are you autistic? Well, congrats on your masters! I hear it's like a couple grand just for "rule it out" testing. Correct me if I'm wrong. All I know is my medical bills are like my piles of dirty laundry or dishes, always stacking up.

Truth be told we're all a little messed up and that's ok. I'm just happy to not be alone, laughing at all of life's misfortunes, on this floating rock in space.
Thanks for listening to me ramble, everyone.

*Most of my materials are in the "rough draft" stage, please excuse any typos, grammatical errors, etc.

#MightyTogether #MentalHealth #ADHD #Anxiety #Depression #Comedy #Humor #Jokes #fullintroduction

Ugh. Sorry I disappeared. I ended up with pneumonia AND the flu! I’m at home. But NOT smoking yet. Thank you for oil!!!
#sick #pnemonia #ghosted #lol #OilForTheWin #ILoveMymedicine !

#Memes #Laugh #LaughOutLoudAid #Jokes #goodfriend

Here’s mine;

An American man was on holiday in Ireland and decided to book a round of golf 🏌🏽‍♂️

So he goes to the closest golf club and says "I'd like to play some golf, but have nobody to play with. Would anyone here like to play?" A man walks up and says "I'll play with you. I'll meet you here at 9am tomorrow, but I could be half an hour late."

So the American turns up the next morning and sure enough the Irishman is there at 9 am, with a set of left handed clubs. They play a round and the Irishman wins quite convincingly. So the American says "that was great playing. Would you like to play again tomorrow?" The Irishman replies "certainly. I'll meet you here at 9 am, but I could be half an hour late."

So they both turn up the next day at 9 am, only this time the Irishman has a right handed set of clubs. They play a round and again the Irishman wins quite convincingly. The American shocked says "wow you play well. But I want to try one more time at beating you. Do you want to play again tomorrow?" The Irishman says "sure. I'll meet you here at 9 am, but I could be half an hour late" With this the American says "now hang on a minute, yesterday you beat me playing left handed. Today you beat me right handed. How do you decide what hand to play with?" The Irishman replies "well when I wake up, if my wife is laying on her left side I play left handed, if she's laying on her right side I play right handed" To which the American says "what if she's laying on her back?"

"Then I'll be half an hour late!"

Are my absolute FAVE. The cornier 🌽 .. the better if you ask me 💛
#funny #Jokes #dadjokes

#Silly #Laughs #visual humor #Jokes #gallowshumor