Zen

I have worked very hard on myself to make myself functional again. I'm now able to sustain a couple long-term friendships, and even interact with others occasionally. However, things like silence, vague answers, and people leaving (anywhere) suddenly, still throw me in a tailspin. The same with gaslighting, manipulation, and twisting my words. I don't know how to react better to these situations, so I try to separate my part from their part on whether it's my fault or not. Then I remind myself of how far I've come and what I've accomplished. Progress, not perfection.

My path is a little unusual, and definitely unorthodox. I am Jewish by choice, and also a Zen Buddhist.

I live with multiple chronic illnesses, have multiple specialists that I'm really tired of seeing, multiple medications, and multiple supplements. This is all to keep me functioning each day.

How does my spiritual path fit in.... Judaism gives me context and history, and Zen gives me equanimity.

When I'm feeling especially down, or wonder why I should continue fighting, I recall stories from Jewish history, and remember that I am not alone. I especially rely on Zen and zazen when I am in severe pain, and I just sit with it, acknowledging how I feel, and just be with the pain - not resisting. This is helpful for me due to how much denial I face that I'm even sick, or that my pain is real. Just sitting (shikantaza) allows me to be present for myself and in the moment, no judging, labeling, or criticizing. Just being present "as is."

Jews have a saying "from strength to strength" - I use this to remind myself to focus on my strengths, not everything that's wrong with me. Zen has a saying with a similar meaning "chop wood, carry water" - meaning no matter what happens with us or others, life still goes on, and we need to practice self-care and take care of the essentials.

Back in the day,

We used to play outside till dawn

Now, we're just another government pawn

Back in the day,

We used to live, laugh & grow

Now, we are forced to work our asses off bro

What is this shit? (mind my language)

Death is a trap to try and get us to submit?

As kids, we couldn't wait to be adults

Now, I reflect and I am like that was truly nuts!

The days when we could cry and be comforted

Childhood turned to adulthood and those days plummeted

Now, we're struggling to make ends meet, Who would have thought, childhood was only a treat

But it's life,

So put away that knife

It is what it is -

God is good, all is his

Better days are ahead

So, go and continue to chase that bread!

#Life #resilience #NeverGiveUp #Suicide #SuicideAwareness #Selfharm #selfharmawareness #strength #courage #bravery #Independence #freedom #freedomwriters #useyourwords #expression #expressyourself #creativity #Deep #deepthinkers #bold #Spirituality #Meditation #Spiritual #calm #Zen #gowiththeflow #liveinthepresent #loa #TheSecret #manifest #manifestation #Positivity #PositiveVibes #GoodVibes #vibes #Energy #YouCanDoIt #Believe #Hope #Care #Empathy #compassion

"Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them."― Dalai Lama

Sending Loving Kindness to all beings...we are all in this together. That's what a customer said to me randomly (it seemed at the time).  Maybe my face didn't hide my worry or frustration at that moment, as I had trained myself to hide all my life.  

Be strong, keep moving forward, don't let it beat you, my mantra became "what matters." The mantra came up a year ago while working a temp job. I used all the coping skills I could find. Guided meditations, bull-shitting with coworkers, looking up mantras and trying to keep them in mind.  Trying to fit in time for yoga and walks and hoping to meditate to rest my mind and body after a stressful day at the office.
#COVID19 #copingskills #Yoganidra #ayurvedicyoga #Meditation #lovingkindness #sharonsalzburg #Zen #anxietysufferer #adhdwoman