Emotionally

They say loved ones need their own recovery program when their loved one achieves sobriety. I am sooo bored at the moment. I’d like to run errands but my car is on the fritz and my #narcissistic #Emotionally /psychologicallyabusivespouse refuses to let me touch his car—because I might ding it. A valid concern if I was still actively misusing substances, but my going-on 20 years of #Sobriety make no difference to this #narcissist . This car scenario has happened countless times; how convenient for my #Emotionallyimmature #Controlling #narcissist !
Sigh. Well, I’m a documentary freak; just found a very inexpensive documentary streaming site—I hope brain-food alleviates my boredom.🤟🏾😀 #substancemisuseisorder #Bipolar1 #GAD #Depression #emotionalpsychologcalabuse
#PTSD #ADDADHD

I have been journaling for close to 40 years. I value every thought and word, however, as I get older and wiser, I feel absolutely no need to re-read and re-live past decades of pain, depression,anxiety ( before I had even diagnosed! Then, surprise; I had no idea hubby was a narcissistic abuser. So, I’ve tossed 35 years of journals. So easy to do. As I moved along on my journey, the thought of journaling was an instant anxiety, major depression issue—— the more I write, my outlook sometimes plummets. For me, at this point in my journey, I’ve gone back to daily, very positive habit tracker charts, calender; THE BONUS FOR ME: no long sad paragraphs. The focus is on TODAY, ME, CLARITY, FOCUS ON MY DESIRE to learn, grow, self-care—in this very moment!—I came across 3000 Questions About Me. Ugh! But I drag it with me and note the date
on any entry. Recently met a woman from Kentucky; she has the same book and uses it in the same manner I do! We agreed you can discover strengths you didn’t know you had.
What do you think?

I am very thankful to know that I have something that actually has a name (borderline personality disorder ) and I am even more thanful that I can learn how to cope and teach my kids the same. My biggest fear is to be emotionally unavailable to them (and I have in the past before I started all this soul searching). I realized I got tired of the way i was feeling and didn’t understand why little things became so big and it was so hard to snap out of it. My kids give me strength to learn and keep on learning. I just want them to know that I will always try for them. I will never stop trying to look for answers , i will never stop trying to teach them mindfulness , that practice of mindfulness that brings little hoys to our lives. Sorry just venting here. Feel free to elaborate. Being in this community already makes me feel so much better. Thank you all. God bless.

Pandemic had me feeling low; did not want to go back there! My tools are still in front of me! Do the work!
Number 1--allowed myself to get sucked into "talking like we're friends" with my #Emotionally /psycholigicallyabusespouse. Why???? I realized putting out this energy was draining me. Rebuild the boundaries and parameters
#Acceptance /lifeisfluid
#ArtTherapy --tracing pictures the useing markers, paints, whatever! Create a masterpiece!
#organization --anything! Kind of cathartic
#playwithmakeup --i'm a daily makeup wearer. Not leaving the house so might as well play with some dramatic looks
DON'T FORGET WHO YOU ARE--YOU ARE WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL. IF YOU MAKE IT OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING-----YEAH! IF YOU HAVEN'T MADE IT OUT OF BED YOU ARE STILL WONDERFUL! HOLD ON TO THAT . REPEAT TO YOURSELF "I AM GOOD. I HAVE FAITH. I WILL TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AND SUCCEED .
DON'T COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS. YOUR VICTORIES ARE YOURS!

Gotta "Believe", as my little ceramic garden frog says!!! I've been where I only hoped for death. I'm near there still. But after 4 days of intense physical #Pain ,that finally affected me yesterday- #Emotionally & #mentally & #spiritually , I'm determined to have a #better #day #today !!!! Damn Straight!!!! Out with intrusive #negative thoughts,& memories. Out with holding onto #resentments I've held on to from those who've badly & painfully done &/or said malicious things to #hurt me. I've been #oppressed by these things too long !!!! I'm "shaking it off - I'm throwing it away. Well,let's be honest. Let's say, I'm not going to quit working on it. I suppose it's a process....but it starts with a decision & succeeds with #Determination & #tenacity !!!! ~·~·~· #PTSD #Memories #Trauma #multipletrauma #Drugged #raped ~·~·~·~......my story is too ugly to continue on this path.....im chucking it all atleast for today. I need a day off from this high degree of continual #Anxiety & #Depression & #Pain . it's affecting my #Sleep & the intensity of pain of my #Fibromyalgia ......im going to "find some #peace of #mind " (a line from a RHCP song. )........today I'm "on #Vacation " ,.......(from my #Problems )😁oh man, but DOES MY BODY #hurt !!! ......Need #rest & ssleep......this morning I have a virtual psychiatric appt .via ZOOM......a "Psych-Eval "- geeze!!! God give me #strength !!!!........ & another cup of #coffee !!!!☕ ☕ ☕ ☕ ☕

Have you ever heard of the starfish story?
A man was walking along a beach one morning after a large storm the night before, the storm had washed alot of debris and star fish ashore. As he walked along he saw a little girl running along picking starfish up and throwing them back into the ocean, then she would run and pick another up and repeat. There were so many starfish on the beach the man didn't understand what the little girl thought she trying to do so he approached her.
"Little girl what are you doing"? Asked the man, "Saving the starfish"! As she threw another into the ocean, "but you can't save them all so why bother, what diffrence does it make"? Exclaimed the man genuinly perplexed.
"To that one it does" the little girl simply said as she threw another starfish in.

To that one.

So, to that one person who needs to hear it, you are wonderful and shine so bright in a dull world, do not dim your shine for the sake of others and always remember, YOU MATTER.
#Depression #EUPD #Emotionally unstable personality disorder #sad #Anxiety #Anxiety #PTSD #ThoughtfulHumans #TheMighty #BPD ##BorderlinePersonalityDisorder ##Suicide #Selfharm #selfharmsurvivor