I'm trying so hard to stay well
Last night or should I say weeks I can't seem to stop crying. I'm so lonely and I miss my family who has made it clear that if I showed up I wouldn't be welcomed, only my mom is there for me but she's in her 80's. I never thought I'd be alone at this age, I'm not young and suffer with disabilities so I'm finding it hard to bounce back from each blow of cruelty. I feel like I'm in a boxing ring with Muhammad Ali. Everyday something else happens, last night was the first time I actually thought about ending it all. I won't do that because I know first hand the destruction it leaves behind. Plus, I have a daughter and 2 grandchildren. Mind you, she has alienated me from her life and the grandkids too. She will call every once in awhile and just when I think it's finally over (alienated me) she disappears. It's like grieving both my children, but one is still alive. I remain hopeful but guarded. But this sadness I'm feeling lately is crippling me. #SuicideLossSurvivors #Depression #ChildLoss #Grief