Nosupport

Loving Myself through Chronic Pain
#Ileostomy #ChronicPain #FeelingAlone #Nosupport #MedicallyDismissed
Today I will give myself Grace and Love Myself right where I’m at, here…in this moment. I’ve spent years “hating myself”, from failed surgeries, to chronic pain, depression, anxiety, feeling dismissed by doctors/surgeons and the rejection that creates. But today I’m choosing to love me, to give myself Grace, to realize I did not choose this life path rather it chose me. My days do not look like any normal day, any day. That’s okay. I’ve come to accept me, my limitations along with my unquieness. On days I miss the old me, the healthy me, I remind myself life is a journey not a sprint. I take my time to reflect, to feel, to allow those negative feelings to be brought into light so I can deal with them, heal from them. I no longer am running from my reality. Rather I am facing it, the good, the bad and the ugly. Allowing myself to heal from the trauma I’ve faced. Indeed it’s not overnight, sometimes it may be 1 step forward 2 steps back, other days it’s moment by moment… but…. Today I’m choosing to love myself a little more, a little stronger, a little harder. Leaning into acceptance.

Been sick, possible food poisoning. All the stress I have, my boyfriend's fear of vomiting, me trying to do what I can while trying to take care of my mental health and worrying about my physical health, etc., and now I find a post regarding my cats after I posted about being sick, I'm told, "It doesn't matter," and that the lady helping with cats is done with our area. Couldn't get my phone fixed because my boyfriend took it, but I was too weak to go, and they need the password, and I don't want my boyfriend to have it. He said I could change it for when he takes it in, and then change it when I got it back, but he'd still have access to it. He said he "accidentally turned it on" after I had it powered off and then couldn't power it off again because I have it set up so you can't access the phone (including powering it off) without my password. #Anxiety #Depression #PanicDisorder #sick #OCD #Pets #Nosupport #scared #lonely #alone

I seriously don’t understand why I even bother reaching out to mental health teams here in NZ. over 3 months ago I got told the mental health community team was the next step in better care and they have hardly called me and used lockdown as an excuse to but get me to see a doctor till earlier this week and even then I got told the same bs and got asked the same infuriating questions. I try and try to get the help I need and it blows up in my face like they just waiting for me to end up in hospital emergency room again. #nzmentalhealth #Depression #crisisteam #Anxiety #Doctors #Nosupport

Does anyone else with C.P.T.S.D find when they get lots of new memories back in a short space of time that it's much harder to remember to ground?

I've been really good at applying grounding technics lately, I've been using them a lot and managing new memories and flashbacks well..

over the last week though I have broken through another memory wall into another valt of trauma, the memories behind that wall were pushed back because they are genuinely Terrifying to the point you could make horror movies out of them!

I broke down that wall and kinda kept it on hold until my therapy session yesterday..
Which was sort of helpful 🤪
yet it also backed up that someone with a professional and outside opinion also feels that the way I'm being treated by the police while trying to report, means I'm genuinely putting myself in danger in the now!!
I knew that anyway.. to have it backed up via an outside professional leaves me feeling im even less safe 😱😳🤯

I don't have many more therapy sessions to go and don't know if I can get more funding.. so very soon I may be in this minefield alone without Anyone to talk to about it all!🤪👀

#Therapist #Nosupport #dangeroursplace #CPTSD #PTSD #futurefears #PanicAttack #MeToo #childhoodabusesurvivor #RapeSurvivors #Childhoodtrauma #justice #fightingabuse