raped

How can I come to terms with what happened, regain my sense of safety and trust, and learn to heal and move on with my life. Having flashbacks from movies and events, anxiety etc.

(Was #abused by family member at age 8 to 17. Then found other sexual partners from internet. Then at workplace was #raped over and over from 2004 to 2006). I did see counsellors but didnt work out or was told Im lying.

× " For The Past Year I Have Felt Soo Alone... And Lost Sometime's I Feel Like The Event's Of My Life Were Never Supposed To Happen... But They Did Starting With My # Molestation At 14 Then #raped At 16... I Left Family At 18 And Got Married At 19 I Had A Baby And Lost Him.. To " Sudden Infant Death Syndrome " And Then The Losse's Of My Mother And Brother And Lastly The End Of My 17 Year's Of Marriage... I Truly Tryed My Best To Be The Best Wife To My Ex-Husband... But I Was Never Enough... And Not Up To The Standards Of His Sibling's... I Loved My Father In Law... My Mother In Law And I Budded Head's Constantly... Over My Ex... Now That I Didn't Understand I Have Alway's Felt Like A Was 3 In Our Realtionship... But Again I Don't Understand Men At All Anymore... My Marriage Felt Like A Chore.. TBH And Now I'm Deadset On Never Getting Re-Married Ever Again... I Tryed To Set Boundries And My Ex Didn't Listen To Me So I Needed To Walk Away... Thing's Were Never Going To Change With Him... His Priority Were His Mother...Brother And Women Co-worker's.. Which Is Messed Up... But I'm Glad I Walked Away From The Constant Being Ignored Like I Didn't Exist.. Now I Can't Even View Men In A Diffrent Way... Because I Feel Like I'm Going To Get Hurt Again... Used For My $ And My Kindness... " I'm Not Bashing Any Men Ok... These Are Just Feeling's And Thought's.. Not All Men Are Jerk's.. Yes I Get Hit On At Work And It Get's Boring Quickly Especially If It Older Men... Idk Why I Attract Those Type's.. And It Litterly Make's Me Want To Be Single For The Rest Of My Life.. Is There Something Worng With Me... Idk " × # Thought's#trustissue 's ☆S.K.☆

I had an extremely hard life. From being homeless as a child to being #Molested as child and #raped at 15. My father molested me as a child for many years and then there were at least 3 #inappropriate situations that happened with my #brother that remember vividly. I did not come to find out that my father had molested my 3 brothers and a cousin until a few years ago. The situation that I am having now is I have been struggling with #Flashbacks and trying to make peace with it all if possible. At the time of the situations with my brother I was elementary school age and he is 15 years older than me. When the molestation came out my sister had gone to my mom regarding my father. My #mom basically threatened my fathers life and kicked him out. Thing is I do not recall when I told her about my brother but I know I was older. My mom made excuses for him and how I look at it gave him a pass. I am not mad at my mom for this even thou I’m guessing I should be a little. My mom is very close with my brother they talk every single day more than once. I love my mom more than anything. We have been through a lot together. Recently my brother had a stroke and I feel terrible about it but for some crazy reason I’ve come to some sort of fight within myself. I have talked to my brother over the years as normally as I could. Since he had the stroke we have not talked. Other than text. My mom keeps telling me to call him. I don’t know why but I just don’t want to call. I also don’t want to get into anything with my mom she’s 87 and there’s no point at her age to cause her to get upset or bring her any more #Stress . My sister passed this year then my brother had a stroke. Sorry this is so long. Anyways do I just call to make my mom happy ? Thing is my brother will l talk and talk keeping me on the phone when I really don’t want to talk to him. I truly am only nice to him because of my mom. Any #Advice on how to approch this situation ?

Thank you.

Living in a country that has no access to proper health care, least of all mental health care, this app has been a blessing. Just knowing that there are other people who’ve been through what I’ve been through and won’t judge me is a blessing. #TheMighty #TheMightyTakeaway #MentalHealth #scapegoated #raped #gaslightnarcissticabusesurvivor #SexualAbuseSurvivors #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors #Survivor #Scoliosis #Schwannoma #Schwannomatosis #UterineFibroids #Aspergers #AspergersSyndrome #genius

I’m in band camp right now and I’m close to freaking out and I can’t miss what we are going to do. I need to memorize my music but I’m close to crying on the floor. Help please #raped #RapeSurvivors #SexualAbuseSurvivors #SexualTrauma #SexualAbuse #FreakingOut #PTSD

I recently found out that my rapist moved to Alabama. I've always had this really annoying case of paranoia since the rape. And now knowing he doesnt even live near me should help and I should feel safe, right? That's not the case. My family thinks its nuts that I dont feel better. I mean maybe its bc I never went to the cops for it and I would blame myself if he did it to someone else. But like is it normal for me to not feel safer with him gone?
#PTSD #Safety #raped #Survivors #Community

TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual abuse

Some of my earliest memories are from the times my half-brother was sexually abusing me. I was put into foster care for a year till he moved out of the house. After he moved away I was return to my mom. Years later I was aloud to start dating but I’m was too scared of males touching me, standing too close and of being surrounded by boys for me to start dating. I have been able to start dating now and my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now and I am still having trouble with letting him touch me. I don’t want to be this way and he is understanding and willing to work with me but I am still having trouble. I love him so much and I don’t want to lose him. What are ways that I could coop with having touch me and not get scared with touching him? We are able to kiss and hug but I myself can’t get over the “wall” in my mind to return the more intensive touches. #SexualAbuse #SexualTrauma #RapeSurvivors #Depression #Anxiety #raped #PTSD #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #PTSD

When people talk about the beginning of their #ChronicIllness journey, they often start with when they were diagnosed. I've done that myself, which often leads people to believe that I didn't get sick until I was an adult and able to do something about the pain I was living with. But the truth is, my journey started when I was 2 years old.

You see that was the first time I was #raped It wasn't the last time, but that moment was when my #CPTSD started. It is also when the ground work was laid for all the other chronic illnesses I have been diagnosed with since.

In that moment I was taught not to cry when I was in pain. I was taught to never talk about my pain to anyone. I was told that no one would believe me even if I did tell them about my pain (many #Spoonies know this experience all too well). But most importantly I was taught that my pain was meaningless. Rather my pain existed purely for the enjoyment of others.

Nothing that has happened in my adult life has changed these lessons for me. I have found that if I cry when I'm in pain I am dismissed as irrational and exaggerating for attention. I have found that my friends and family start avoiding me when I again start talking about the pain that I live with day and night year round without break or improvement for 40 years. I have found that if my doctors can't find "proof" of my pain in their blood tests or images, then my pain isn't real. And since there is no proof of my pain, clearly it is causing no harm to me, and I should just ignore it so I can get on with my life.

So here I am, 40 years into my journey with no energy to keep moving forward and the world telling me I have so much more to live for when they refuse to sit even for a moment with the pain I can never walk away from. Maybe if they knew how little else there is in my life, how long my journey has been so far, how all consuming my pain is, maybe they would have more compassion for my eagerness to see my journey end.