sleep disorders

This happened about 3 years ago now. The peak of Covid. I was going through a media craze and experienced so much toxic behavior from people I’ve spoken to. Suddenly I talk to this great guy from the UK and while things were going pretty fine, I was still so overcome and traumatized from other connections and even more so with a particular guy from Ohio ( I was emotionally manipulated and also love bombed *yikes*) and to put it lightly I’m a very deep emotional person, so I was going through deep waters. I just had a random urge to squash the relationship by insulting his looks and saying crazy obscene things to the point of him being completely offended and ‘shouting’ obscenities towards me in defense. But I guess I deserved it. He ended up blocking me with much hesitation though I tried apologizing and he wouldn’t buy it. With needless to say, that was our end. But now I realize that he was the only one who actually cared and wanted to get to know me deep down. And I find myself missing him and our. I messed up. It’s an awful feeling. I gave up the apps as a whole but now it feels like I’m waiting for a connection that might never come. But I still have hope. #MentalHealth #checkin #Depression #Anxiety #Relationships #Opinion #ADHD #Guilt #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #OCDTest #SuicidalThoughts #selfsabotage #lowselfesteem #SleepDisorders #Insomnia #moodswings #PMS #ChronicFatigue #Hope

As someone with Bipolar I, I struggle with depression on and off through the years. But this year has been really difficult. Too many late nights and sleeping-ins. Feeling like a ghost or a zombie, not sure who I am or where my life was going. My life hit a rut and I wasn’t sure what to do next. I also kept focusing on my family and all the emotional and mental abuse they have, and still do, put me through.

In late April, I began to do some soul-searching and asking myself deep questions to get out of this rut. It’s been working, but the depression continued. Constant sleep and napping. It’s been a form of escapism, comfort, and avoidance.

Earlier this month, I had some financial problems which led to all these panic attacks that made me nap from exhaustion, fear, and to calm myself down. I struggled to get out of bed from all the anxiety I had and problems I had to face. I’ve gotten out of bed at 1pm or 2pm. My days end at either 2am or 3am. Yes, I’m a night owl but this is too much and too late even for me.

These days, it’s clear I’m going through depression. I just can’t go to bed early and I sleep far too late. I feel empty. I know I need to focus my emotional pain elsewhere, and that’s a step I’m taking. I’m also going to aim for 1am to go to bed. No more super late nights. Get going.

I have a life to live. I have things to do and accomplish. I need to live. #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar1Disorder #BipolarDepression #Sleep #SleepDisorders

I get tired of taking so much medication every single day of my life. Sometimes I forget or I don't take it on time. Then I pay the price with insomnia. Sigh. Then I know that everything in the morning will snowball due to me not getting enough sleep. The pain will be worse. The depression will be worse. I won't be able to function at work. I'll be too tired to try exercise at the end of the day for my mental health. I'll be too tired to cook or study. GAH! #Insomnia #ChronicPain #Depression #ADHD #Anxiety #SleepDisorders #CircadianRhythmSleepWakeDisorders #AnkylosingSpondylitis #Arthritis #BackPain

Fluorescent Lights in the hall... visible through the window of the room I'm in. ..Emergency Room... Can't... ...breathe. And I'm alone, except for the staff.

All the things I deal with, all the conditions...

I still try to show up for other people... I think... ...

I am not as supported in this life as I thought I was.

This hurts... and it feels like a long, winding dirt road that I could get lost on forever.... but maybe the first step is the hardest?

Have I been so blind... for so long?

Am I enough? To be respected? Loved? What about... cherished?

All I wanted was to be visited, and without expectation. #ER #Asthma #BipolarDisorder #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #RareDisease #BrainAbnormality #GriefWork #SleepDisorders #ThyroidDisease

I'm in a mental health IOP currently after a hospitalization in December for a bipolar mixed episode.

I'm taking it one day at a time!

also have some new physical health conditions to add to the list that I'm taking care of!

#Bipolar1Disorder #Autism #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Anxiety #TicDisorders #EatingDisorders #Addiction #PolycysticOvarySyndrome #GenderDysphoria #Hypertension #HighCholesterol #LearningDisabilities #Osteoporosis #PersonalityDisorders #SleepDisorders

Hi all! Hope everyone is well and safe 🙂 And taking good care of themselves.

I really dont know who I can talk too except you all awesome people over here.

I seen my doctor last week. He missed out a medication when I over to see him. When its the night, at around 8+pm, I was about to take my night medication and retire for the night, I found out one of the medication was missing and thats was my sleeping aid.

There is no way I could get to him, expect writing to him. I thought he wanted to stop me for that medication as I am starting work next Monday.

So, I just wrote to him and I went to have my shower.

He wrote to me and called me from his clinic.

He send the medication down personally to my home. He asked me whether my husband will throw a tantrum or get upsets if he does so. I said no ( this is as I have shared alot of my issues between me and husband with him. My age gap with my husband is 17 years. I am his 2nd wife)

He bumped into my husband at the carpark. As he asked which block is mine located at. My husband then asked him is he my doctor. My husband said is okay, he can take it from there and he will bring the medication up to me.

But my doctor insisted on walking my husband up to my unit and passed it personally to me.

To be honest, I’m really touched by his gesture as it was coming to midnight then.

I dont like and have the habit of troubling people when I can pick it up tomorrow from the clinic as I will be near.

I told the doctor that I can picked it up tomorrow from the clinic. He said its alright and its not right for me to pick it up as its his fault.

I have this dream of going through a very long and dimmed tunnel, with just a torch in hand. I had to crawl, for what I remember for around 10-15 minutes to the end. The one receiveing me at the end is a new doctor at his practise ( which is a female doctor ) she then helped me out from the tunnel and handed me to my doctor.

My doctor then asked me can i hold your hand? I said yes of course. And we started chatting while we are spinning? ( sounds dramatic) and it ended up with me hugging him with a arm at his waist. He kept talking about all my problems which I am facing and he said he will take good care of me. While at the other end, his nurses all are staring at me with envy.

I have issues with my husband, we are not intimate for around a year. He has problems lasting or rather getting it up. It really turns me off. I told him to seek professional help. He scolds me and said it is a shame to speak to a doctor and seeking help for that issue. I no longer feel close to him. I no longer hold or hug him. He disgusts me. I no longer wear my wedding ring on my finger- the reason i gave him, my fingers are bloated. I know i am not attracted as compared to me in my 20s. But at least i make an effort to dress and look good when i go out. He doesnt.

I dont bring him and hang out with my friends. As most of my friends spouses are around my age range. My husband temper is getting from bad to worst and i dont know why.

Only a few of my best friends have met him. As for the rest of my friends. They know that I am married, as for who is is my husband, still remains a mystery.

Thank you for hearing me out ❤️ stay safe!

#Psychiatrist #PTSD #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Anxiety #PanicAttacks #PanicDisorder #SleepDisorders

Good Day everyone! I hope everyone is safe and well!

My work is getting stressful and my boss is getting ridiculous as the days goes by. He is just a year older than my husband. Sometimes i wonder isit my zodiac sign and his are mismatch which explains why me and him cant communicate and understand each other at all. - thats to make myself feel better?

He requested to meet up in the office today. But he is down with covid for a second time. ( how unlucky this fellow can be. Within the span of 6 months? Looks like he need to carry some lucky charm or something? ) I texted him and asked him whether is the meet up still on on Saturday evening (just in case later i get the blame for not taking initiative to ask him first.) he says he is still positive, therefore meeting will be via zoom today at 1pm. So, at around 12.50pm, i send him the documents via whatsapp and the zoom password to enter the meeting.

He then ignore it and text me via whatsapp and then ask me to call him. He told me it is inconvenient for him to speak on the phone via whatsapp call, but can speak via normal voice call.

He then never gave me a chance to speak the moment he picked up the phone and started his nonsense. He said i should stop taking in sales which my current client refer. I should take in other new sites. I told him, I did but its all a matter of time. We are dealing with services with commitments and its on contract terms, minimum with a year of services rendered,not some retail product sales.

He said you have been in for 4 months plus and just brought in a yearly revenue of $400K+ . I am loss for words. To be honest, in role at my industry, we will not bring in any sales to the company til we feel that the company is capable of handling our accounts. We will monitor the operations support and the back up team.

Over here, there is no operations support. Total mess, no HR support, no Finance support, no Admin support, like what a proper organisation should have. My colleague ( 1 particular guy) he cant get along with me and same here. In my previous jobs, I get along very well with my team as we know and understand, we are a team and we cant do without each other. But this guy is selfish and he even offended my client.

My client complained to me when I went to have a meeting with him. My client said he is very inexperienced. (Which i agree) His attitude is ‘Mr Smart Alex’ and ‘Mr I know it all’

I told my client, if you want a change in personnel, please write in and copy my boss in it. He screwed up my account and now for this month, I dont know how much damages charges will be deducted from my invoice. This in return will affect my commission payout.

I totally cant communicate with him. In his role, he should forsee and plan what is going to happen and maintain a good relationship with the staff on ground. I cant meddle with operations stuffs, if not my boss will come screaming at me.

I wish i could do everything by myself. But it is not my job scope anyway. I only do how much I am being paid. The more i care, the more i will feel so sickening why I got to work with such people.

My boss attitude is seriously stupid. Sorry to say that. Even when i am on medical leave. He can text me and ask me to reply to his mail or clients mail. Client can text or write to me and say its okay, take care and reply when you are back as nothing is urgent.

I dont know what he wants. I feel like telling him off. By asking him, he will say you should know, if i didnt ask him, he would say why you didnt update me.

Its really tiring and mentally draining working for such people.

My client told me - “ i award my site and other accounts to you is not because of your boss or your team, is because of you. Because i know you will take good care of my account” He told me please dont jump ship before my contract with your company ends.

This is really bad for my mental health. I am screaming and shouting every night at sleep. I dont want to go out anymore. To me, I feel so tired and sick.

I always get a panic attack wherever i see my boss text or mail. I always get so irritated when his name appears on my phone or my inbox.

By the rate this is going, I’m afraid the salary which I am earning will be all used for anti depressants and sleep aids.

I am holding on is because i get to work at home. I only head out when I need to meet clients. But whenever I need to do presentations or speak in a setting with many audience, no one knows, I am taking my anti anxiety medicine. Only my husband and my doctor knows about it. Without it, I will slutter and my heart will feels like its coming out and I will start to shake badly and i will be sweating like i just completed a marathon.

Its really not easy to be me.

I was put on 2 weeks rest by my psychiatrist. During the 2 weeks, i feel so relax, doing the things i like and spending time with my husband.

But the moment i know i need to head back to work, my heart sank and anxiety is back.

My medical certificate did not indicate it was from a psychiatrist. If ever my boss ever googled the doctor’s name. I will be screwed. Seriously, all my hard work will be gone.

The stigma of seeking help here is…. considering weak, crazy and you are not good at managing your own emotions.

But no one knows, how much i went through, and how much courage it took for me to see a psychiatrist.

Thank you everyone who read this and this get off my chest.

Please stay safe and take good care of yourself

#MentalHealth
#mentalhealthmatters
#Anxiety
#MajorDepression
#MajorDepressiveDisorder
#PanicAttack
#PanicDisorder
#SleepDisorders
#PTSD