crash

Yesterday I was recovered from the Horrible Cat Vomit Storm of October 2021 and did well with my new checklist, but without the enthusiasm of Day One. Today I woke up so sore everything hurt, which was exhausting. I still got about half of my checklist items finished. All I cared about was getting rid of the pain. It was a 6 for me—so distracting it was hard to think. Plus my brother stressed me out by dropping clues that he plans to go looking abroad for his fake online boyfriend who I already proved is a scammer. He doesn’t care.

So anyway, yeah. That really cranks up my depression/anxiety/fibromyalgia discomforts. And there’s even more stress that I just swallow daily, so my nest makes a lot of very compelling arguments for why that’s where I should be. I definitely self-medicate with apathy.

But my wanting to break the apathy habit is also for me and my well-being, demmit. I have made my nest the center of my life now for three years!! I have been healing from trauma, sure, but I need more than this for myself. I have more that I want to do, so I am struggling through whatever it takes to reclaim my life—for ME! I don’t want to lose the ability to choose someday.

I just have to keep trying as hard as it takes to make this Apathy Toolkit work better than helping me be productive only every other day. The Daily Checklist needs adjustments. Honestly, trying to shower every single day feels a bit out of reach for me right now. Heh. Just trying to keep it real for the good of the group. I figure that if I force myself to be honest for you then I’ll know I’m not just fooling myself.

I revived an old habit of writing notes to myself in sharpie on my bathroom mirror (It easily comes off with rubbing alcohol or other non-abrasive solvent cleaner.) The picture I posted of it had to be on an angle so you could see the words. First a big red heart that my face appears inside when I stand in front of the sink. Near the bottom it says, “Don’t let apathy own you.” At the top is this: “Have you… -Brushed your teeth -Brushed your hair -Washed your face …today?”

Tell me about your apathy.

#apathy #Depression #lowenergy #Productivity #Success #crash #Fibromyalgia #ChronicDepression #Anxiety #tired #Caffeine #lighttherapy #DepressionSymptoms #DepressionNaps #MajorDepression #SeasonalDepression #Lazy #notlazy #nope #Emptiness #FibroFog #LifeLessons #LifelimitingIllness #getthingsdone #toolkit #apathetic #BipolarDisorder

OK, ok, ok… So yesterday I succumbed to old habits and let my apathy hold me back. That’s not unexpected. I have A LOT on my plate. If the new me can break free of the pillow-call of apathy for several days of movement and productivity and then I have to “crash” for a day… that is still so much better than hoping to get things done just one day of the week. I’ll take it!
There have been times in my life (when I was still young and immortal,) when I would berate myself for a pattern that was less than perfect. That’s a crazy standard for anyone to try to impose on themself. Now I am a wiser old bird and know to celebrate success in any form or duration.
After my two cups of coffee and a light therapy session, today I have a surprising amount of energy so I am going to get a bunch of cleaning done. See you when the dust settles. Here I go! 😉
#apathy #Depression #lowenergy #Productivity #Success #crash #Fibromyalgia #Depression #Anxiety #tired #Caffeine #lighttherapy

Good Afternoon Mighty Family

I'm late with my post today

Because the 🌞 decided to come out and play
So I could go round to my Eldest Son's and Daughter-in-law garden for some social distancing chat and some very much needed human contact.

As you can see my 2 pups got some much needed play time with their buddy Salami the Sausage Dog too. 💞🐶🌭

It was so nice to spend a couple of hours with them on my son's new decking he built whilst on lockdown. He actually went back to work for the first time this week. For a whole 3 days.

I also met my brand new neighbours who have just moved in next door to me. They told me their names . 🤔 what were they. Nope gone. 🤦‍♀️

I also put up a little string bead curtain on my door to deter the flies a bit. All sparkly and lilac.
I am doing well today.

I'll crash later 😅🤗😘😁☀️🌈🐕🐶🤗🌝🌤😎😊

Love n hugs Tj 💚💛🧡❤❣💜🖤💙💥💫💢💣💬🕶 #diy #Sparkly #Family #puppy #crash #ChronicPain #RareDisease #TrigeminalNeuralgia #PsoriaticArthritis #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Lonliness #Humancontact #Bekind #checkonyourneighbours #Love