friendships

I'm sharing a previously posted story written on here from 4 years ago.

My very last 'surviving' friendship is now also drifting away out of my reach 😔. I hate the loneliness it brings.

Having one friend made everyone else disappearing more bearable. But how am I to feel now I am alone? no more bestie or 'solid' friendship.

Was it me? Am I too oppressive? Could I have done more?! - I'll never know.

To clarify, we had a 10 year friendship and we were each others 'best friend' she is my sons godmother. We were literally thick as thieves - could finish each others sentences, say the same things at the same time. She, my husband and I were the '3 amigos'

So our situation now is that she, and her new husband have moved to another town nearby. She's made new dear friends there,and has slowly weaned off me.

The last time she saw me it was for my birthday 2 weeks after it 😓 it felt like she was feeling awkward after a while. After she left, I never received the 'I really enjoyed seeing you 🥰' etc text message we would normally exchange - even though I sent one myself

What finally made me see it for what it is, is that I was meant to see her tomorrow. We planned this ages ago. But was told yesterday she cannot do the afternoon. Morning only. Then today got a message cancelling entirely

Once before I got sick there was a time where I was all she had, even when everybody left her due to a trauma she experienced, I supported her through.

I really thought after years of bullying and never fitting in due to Autism, I had found my 'forever friend' ❤️ for years and years our social media pages were constantly full of pictures of our 'adventures' and tagging each others names on posts. Almost announcing to the world what a close unbreakable friendship we had. It made me feel lucky and special🤦‍♀️ somebody liked me for me! I had never had a friendship this genuine before (i thought) I feel embarrassed to have felt this way now.

I know people who don't stick around due to illness aren't worth my time. Equally I know people can change and drift apart too, but I thought we were stronger than that?

But it doesn't change the hurt. Especially as this gradually happened over two years, feeling it slip away. Questioning if it was really happening? Surely not?! Then realising the truth, and the painful feelings of being alone, betrayal, of feeling replaced - as if I were a broken toy.

I feel very sad really. Especially as I am housebound, and cannot make friends offline.

Has anybody else been left totally alone other than their spouse/partner?
(im lucky mine is incredible)

This epitomises how I feel

Dear Friends: Please Don't Leave Just Because I Have a Chronic Illness

#friendships  #ChronicIllness  #Loneliness  #Depression  #UCTD #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Autism #ADHD #ASD #AutoimmuneDisease #alone #CheckInWithMe #Sadness #housebound #Longtermillness #hi #Lupus #MixedConnectiveTissueDisease #Fatigue
#ChronicFatigue #ME

OK. This is probably weird but I am giving it a try. So say you are going to a place, any place, doesn't matter, and you can't bring people or pets, so you have one item you are allowed to bring with you. What would your special item be? Have some fun with this, I hope! #Friends #Friendship #friendships #MightyTogether #MentalHealth #FamilyAndFriends #New #lonely #alone #NoOneFightsAlone #StrongerTogether #Together #SocialInteraction #social #wellness #EmotionalHealth #Health #relate #Chat #Share #post #safe #SafeSpace #Connections #Positivity #positive #Fun #Mindful #Mindfulness #Kindness #ActsOfKindness #ActOfKindness Self-esteem Self-worth #self -love #Confidence #Life #Lifestyle

My Best Friend and I broke up.
Honestly I have seen this coming for a while and I am hurting a lot right now in a way I haven't in a LONG time.
I am honestly at the phase of a break up where I want to go back to the person who savagely destroyed me and apologize to them for hurting me as badly as they did and for destroying me time and time again until I snapped and hurt them.
You know. "I am so sorry that I snapped after all the times you broke our plans with lame excuses, then did something on the exact same day you could not do things with me, with someone else.
I am so sorry that time and time again, you had no money to pay your phone bill, so I paid it, couldn't get groceries so I bought them, couldn't buy gas so I bought it, couldn't pay rent so I paid it, then you got time off work for a festival or a concert after breaking plans with me saying you needed to work for diapers.
I am so sorry that it hurt me when I paid your phone bill when you were unemployed and you ghosted me when I said I really missed you and needed to spend time with you, but I could see you posting on Facebook at the exact same time that you were not talking to me.
I'm sorry it hurt that my husband and I drove 246 miles at 4am to get you and your kids out of an abusive home, drive you home, and put you up at our house, get you housing, pay for your gas, get you set up in town, and you told me I am petty, abusive, bitter, angry and hurt when you canceled multiple plans with me over the last year, then did things with other people.
I am sorry I was so hurt that I was stupid in my BPD/BiPolar brain reaction and Vaguebooked and forced you to tell me how much of a horrible person I am.
I am sorry that I am hurt because I expected more from a best friend.
I am sorry I am hurt because I know your favorite animal, know your exact top 3 fictional characters of that favorite animal, and did make sure that after a really bad month at work during covid 19 those 3 stuffies were on your frontstep waiting for you after work, and you cannot name mine, you could not name mine ever.
Worst of all I am sorry I am hurt because I want to make amends to you because you hurt me. You broke me, you made me feel like I was less. I deserved less. I was ugly and worthless. I felt like you did not want me in your life. I want to apologize to you for you making me feel that way.
And I hate myself for it.
Because it means that this is all because of the abuse that you have been doing to me for years. I hate that you will never apologize for making me hurt. And I just want to tell you how sorry I am."
How do people deal with this?
How do you deal with realizing you were in an abusive friendship?

I struggle with friendships -- I always have. Right now my "bestfriend" told me she can't deal with me right now after I reached out to her about something that was bothering me that she said / did. I feel like she abandoned me.. I also can't help but blame myself for even saying something to her in the first place. We haven't talked in a week since she told me she couldn't deal with me :/ I feel things I# haven't felt in a long time.

I find making friends hard. I find it hard to maintain friendships and keep a conversation going with someone. When someone reaches out to me via social media and wants to be my friend, I would talk to that person for a couple of days or weeks and then I would stop myself from talking to them because I don’t want to get so close to them. I don’t know why I do this. I’m an introvert and I have social anxiety. I’m not much of a social person because I keep myself isolated from the world from forming meaningful friendships with people. Sometimes I do think to myself that something is wrong with me. I do want to build genuine authentic friendships with people, but it’s so hard.

One friend he’s had since 5th grade very recently told him that he cannot talk to him anymore. He doesn’t like the talking about what happened in the past, before my son became ill. The friend doesn’t seem to have an understanding of my son’s illness. My son’s recent behavior has been off, I’m sure this is why. My son is devastated. As far as I know, my son has been able to maintain only one other friendship he had from before his illness. Should I contact the young man, explain my son’s condition, and then allow the friend to decide after getting that information if he wants to end the friendship, or keep the friendship? Or should I just let it go and do what I can to help my son with this loss of a friendship?
#SchizoaffectiveDisorder

I dont have any friends anymore- I have pushed them all away long time ago but now when I try to make a friendship, I destroy it for my self and hurt ppl - not on purpose but it always ends up with I've hurt them or don't give them all the attention and love they need and deserv. Idk why I am like this - I've talked about it with a psychiatrist and she didn't understand and just said I just should try and it would be good for me with some friends.. I feel so stupid..
Have anyone else problems with keeping friendships ect?
Sry for my English ^^ btw I'm new here.
#friendships #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #sad