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Where Sleep Isnât Rest and Waking Isnât Freedom
When I was 15, I fell to the ground laughing. Literally. My knees would buckle and Iâd collapse; and I thought that was normal. People always said things like, âThat was so funny I fell to the ground!" I figured I was just more literal than most.
But I also slept a lot. In class. In the car. Sometimes just minutes after getting home from school. Iâd nap through dinner and wake up to cold leftovers. My teachers thought I was lazy. My mum thought I was just a typical exhausted teenager. And honestly? So did I. I didnât know any different.
Life took a dramatic turn when I visited a friendâs house and her mum (who I hadnât even met yet) became the reason I finally understood. My friend casually warned me: âIf my mum suddenly collapses or you find her asleep, donât freak out; she has a medical condition.â I remember thinking, Wait⊠that's not normal.
So her mum and I end up chatting. She asked me questions about my sleep, and my falls and said something along the lines of âyou should see a doctor", I canât remember exactly, I try to blur that time of my life. I had never even heard the word ânarcolepsy.â Neither had anyone in my family. But we started researching and eventually, I got referred to my local hospital's sleep clinic. After tests and overnight monitoring, I was diagnosed with Type 1 Narcolepsy with Cataplexy.
That was 2016. At the time, there wasnât much research, at least not in New Zealand. I was prescribed ADHD meds and antidepressants; not because I had either condition, but because the side effects could help manage my symptoms. Flash forward a few years, I was switched to newly registared meds that were more tailored for narcolepsy, though I still rely on antidepressants to keep the cataplexy under control. Thereâs still no perfect treatment.
I have to nap during the day, even now. I struggle to sleep at night. Cataplexy episodes still hit me hard, my whole body can go limp, sometimes to the point where I struggle to breathe. Thereâs a long list of side effects I warned about, one in particular was, automaticity; moments where Iâm doing something but donât remember doing it. Like my brain is literally on autopilot. Iâve had some scary experiences with that.
Iâve always dreamed of working in TV or film, but the reality is that the industry is demanding, and narcolepsy doesnât care about ambition. I can only work roughly 15â20 hours a week before exhaustion takes over and my body shuts down. Still, I try not to let it define me.
Thatâs part of why Iâm writing this. Because even after all these years, Iâve never seen someone like me accurately depicted on screen. Iâve never seen narcolepsy represented in a way that feels real. And that absence hurts, it makes you feel invisible.
Greyâs Anatomy has been my go to for as long as I can remember. Itâs the show I turn to when I need comfort, clarity, or just a good cry. And I canât help but wonder, what if someone important on Greyâs had narcolepsy? Not just a single episode patient, but someone we truly follow, maybe even one of Meredithâs kids. What if their journey mirrored mine? The years of misdiagnosis. The mental toll. The quiet shame and louder resilience. The fight to live a full life when your body refuses to cooperate.
With Meredithâs deep connection to neurology, this kind of story wouldnât feel out of place, it would feel necessary. And in true Greyâs fashion, it would be raw, emotional, even messy, but above all, it would be honest. Iâm not asking to write the episode. Iâm not asking for credit. I just want to feel seen. I want the next 15-year-olds who collapse in class or nap through life, to know theyâre not broken. Theyâre not lazy. And theyâre definitely not alone. Narcolepsy is a quiet unraveling, where sleep isnât rest, and waking isnât freedom.
A storyline like this wouldnât just represent narcolepsy. It would stand for all the invisible conditions that go undiagnosed, misunderstood, or unseen. Greyâs Anatomy has always had a pulse on what matters. I hope one day, that includes us.
#Narcolepsy #GreysAnatomy #Cataplexy #Neurological #SleepWakeDisorders #MentalHealth
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