sensory processing issues

I’ve been dealing with mental health issues for a long time, since my first official diagnosis at age six. I’m hesitant to say I’m used to the mental health issues- I don’t think I’ll ever be- but NOTHING could have prepared me for the pain and suffering of chronic physical illness. Not the trauma, anxiety, self-hatred, isolation. Since June, I’ve been diagnosed with a few conditions that effect multiple major organ systems and I am continuing until everything is figured out. Medications are limited for me due to severe allergies and intolerance, so I have nothing at all for pain management because I can’t. I’m waiting to see if a Cannabis specialist will accept me as a patient, but who knows when or if that will happen. The past 48 hours have been a nightmare. Joint pain, swelling, loss of coordination/balance, bowel and bladder issues and now I think I’m bleeding internally from Colitis. I’m just outside of a major city and due to COVID, almost all of the hospitals are operating at over capacity, even in the towns surrounding. Even if I do go, I won’t get the help I need because there is literally no space and no staff available. I do have a phone appointment with my family doctor tomorrow but because of what’s going on, there’s not really much she can do. I don’t have family and friends near me and my parents, who are 45 minutes away need to limit their contacts due to age and health conditions. My sister works in hospital so contact with her isn’t a good idea right now. I feel bad for my husband, it’s all on him. I miss my job, and even just going outside for a walk. My friends don’t call anymore, they have their owns lives and maybe my issues are just too heavy. I’m just tired and having no pain management is difficult. It’s really hard to see the end of this. I’m not one for self-pity, but I’m 34, and I would just like to not have an obstacle to overcome (just once!). I worry that I still have many bad years ahead and if one more person tells me to “focus on the positive”, I’m going to lose it. #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #PTSD #ADHD #EatingDisorders #SensoryProcessingIssues #InflammatoryBowelDiseaseIBD #DegenerativeDiscDisease #GastroesophagealRefluxDisease #autoimmune #rashes #Pain #Fatigue #Nerve and joint pain #Allergies #Sadness

I’ve always had anxiety when leaving my home but it has now been amplified with the state of my physical health and the pandemic. I felt hungry and wanted a sandwich so my husband dropped me off to grab one quickly. While I was waiting to order, an older woman was standing very close to me and not wearing a mask (which is illegal in Ontario right now). I politely asked her to move back and to please put on her mask. She then proceeded to scream at me and throw her hot cup of coffee/tea right at me. As I was standing there in shock, trying not to cry, she pulled her mask just under her nose and laughed at me. Laughed. The employee behind the counter at the sandwich shop was very nice to me and I stood strong, placed my order and left. Now I’m in bed and don’t feel like I can face the world anymore. I have this loving face looking at me, genuine I’m sure of it, because I don’t have food lol. My faith in humanity has been lost and I’m not sure why I even want to be alive anymore because the physical and mental pain is just too much. #BipolarDisorder #Anxiety #ADHD #PTSD #Grief #SinusTachycardia #autoimmedisease #EatingDisorders #SensoryProcessingIssues #foodaversion #InflammatoryBowelDiseaseIBD #Allergies #skinpicking #Fatigue #ChronicPain #SuicidalThoughts #Sadness

When I get overwhelmed with anxiety and sensory issues, I go outside. If my neighbours came out right now, they would see me and (one of) my furry best friends, sitting on the interlock, in the dark, when it’s freezing cold. I still have our patio set out, but I prefer the ground. I even do this in our snowy, -30 degree, Canadian weather. I sit here and listen to my favourite pop-punk and indie songs until I’m ready to face the real world again. Whatever helps you cope, I suppose! #Bipolar1Disorder #Anxiety #CombinedPresentationADHD #ADHDInGirls #ADHD #SensoryIssues #SensoryProcessingIssues #EatingDisorders #foodaversion #SinusTachycardia #autoimmedisease #PTSD #Grief #InflammatoryBowelDiseaseIBD #skinpicking #overthinking #ChronicPain #Migraine #creativity #Drawing #Music #Upallnight