Accepting

#what is a friend? #My definition. Someone that accepts you as you are. Someone that listens to you when you talk. #Not JUST GOSSIP. Someone that is there for you if they are able. #Someone you trust. Someone that doesn't try to change you. #Someone that doesn't get mad because you don't share the same interests. I try to be this person. Why is it so hard to find the same? With depression, anxiety and PTSD things are hard for me mentally. #Understanding helps. #Acceptance as is helps. #negativity doesn't help. #always complaining doesn't help. #Accepting flaws and differences without anger helps. We all suffer from SOMETHING, you can't expect people to do things at your pace. You can't think your way of life is THE WAY and people should be like you. #passive /aggressive behavior is hurtful too. #Rather be alone.

Everyday this week, I had consciously decided not to talk to this guy at work whom I’ve always liked, but because of past events along with me forever feeling that I’m either too much or not enough (among other feelings). For the last few months, we weren’t really speaking to each other because he started hanging out with the other guys at work and for that, I felt like he had abandoned me and I went from admiring him to hating him very fast. Overall, I can’t deny the fact that even though things have happened, he is a good guy. So this week, I’ve literally been praying that I could avoid him for the rest of the time that I was at work. On Monday when I did this, he ended up showing up at my work area and started talking to me. I brushed it off because I thought it was a one time thing and that he’ll go back to not talking to me again. The next day, the same thing pretty much happened. But what happened last night really scared me. I was working and he came in to help me. After a while of not saying much, he asked me about my family and also my mental health. I didn’t go into great detail because I didn’t know how he would take the heaviness of everything I’ve been feeling. So, I told him that it could be better than what it is now. And he literally said this:”You can tell me what’s wrong, let me make you feel better.” THAT was the moment that really scared me. I really didn’t know what to think let alone know how to handle it. It is hard to me to accept help and even harder for me to accept anything from a man. I know that he cares, but it’s hard for me to fully accept that anyone cares. I’ve been pushing him away and yet I find it hard to let him go. I’ve hated him, but would feel hurt because I felt he was leaving me behind. It’s all really confusing. I don’t expect anything major to come out of this, and thinking about it makes me all the more scared and anxious. #MentalHealth #Depression #Relationships #anxiousthoughts #devalue #value #scared #relationshipsarehard #pushingpeopleaway #Avoiding #feelings #Accepting #Men #feelingscared #battling

This year I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II. Initially it was a shock because in my mind I would be with sequels of a Burn Out or something...else.. not a chronic disease (stigma was working here eating my mind).

Unknowingly throughout my life I had major depression episodes interspersed with hypomaniac episodes.
I always thought these were phases that happened to me and blamed myself for not being able to control or understand them. So fast I was the best employee as the worst, at the family level something similar was happening.
My love stories started full of intensity almost brushing the obsession, and along the way they lost their color until they became gray and unbearable. Or felt an extreme empathy with people or a withdrawal, I couldn't dose.
I had some traumatic episodes in my childhood, puberty and early adulthood that may have dispelled this disorder and also genetic and environmental factors that may have helped...
I spent the last few months trying to find triggers, reading about mental health , coping skills , testimonials from other bipolar, teraphy and mood regulators to understand (or try) what is going on with me.

I am accepting the disease but I am more than bipolar, I am Aurora, a person, daughter, sister, lover, friend, sociologist, artist and dreamer... maybe more than that...I just need to keep finding out ... step by step.. Slowly but Surely

#BipolarDepression #Bipolar2Disorder #Hypomania #Accepting #thefutureiscoming #morethanbipolar #slowlybutsurely #mentalilness

I find it difficult to look at myself and love myself. I am going to try to look in the mirror and love/accept the body I have, to love me for who I am x
#52SmallThings #Love
#Accepting #Believe #live

1) My #truefriends ; who do everything they can to #understand what I'm faced with and continue to be #Accepting and #supportive .

2) Having my own #home , where I #feelsafe ; it's warm, calm and #comfortable , I can receive my daily #HomeCare with confidence, and live in the catchment area for an awesome #carecompany . All the standard services are reliable, there's decent internet here and my abusers have nooo idea where I am!

3) That I'm still able to be #creative from time to time; even with #multiplechronicillnesses that leave me mostly #housebound #Disabled , it gives me something to look forward to, knowing that as long as I continue to listen to my body, I can do what I enjoy most when I'm able to.

#52SmallThings #3thingsimgratefulfor #myalgicencephalopathy #ME #pwme #HEDS #restlesslimbsyndrome #Migraines #Fibromyalgia #FibroFog #BrainFog #Tinnitus #ehlersdanlossyndromev3 #POTS #eds3 #CPTSD #PTSD #MillionsMissing #Potsie #Zebra #Spoonie #theunchargables #InvisibleIllness #invisibledisabilities #thedruidessofmidian #thespooniedruidess #disabledmodel #creativemodel #altmodel #spooniemodel #DomesticAbuseSurvivor #rapesurvivor #domesticviolencesurvivor #escapedtoxicfamily

Why is it that those around you feel like you should be ashamed of what is going on with you? “Don’t tell everyone what’s happening” “be quiet” ...and what ever not other comments to keep themselves looking like the normal perfect functional individual. And of course you too. There is no shame to it, just #Pain and how are you going to be able to be #Accepting of it if people - your family, and your parents aren’t?! You can have all the will power in the world but you still fall short of something at the end of the day and strength may not be it... you just need your parents to be able to lay on and stroke your hair telling you it will all be okay. Even if you’re an adult. I wish #Shame was not part of this.

When officially (and correctly) diagnosed with BPII, it felt so good to have a name attached to how I was feeling and acting. Not to mention I got the correct medication. Call me weird, but having bipolar makes me feel a little less #Judgemental towards myself. If I’m feeling sad for no reason, I don’t think I’m broken somehow. I just know that’s part of this disease. If I stay up all night, and can’t sleep, I may be frustrated, but I can’t blame myself. Overall, I feel more #Accepting of myself now that I know what is really going on. I’m not just “#Crazy .”