behavioral

When working in #behavioral #MentalHealth - I looked away as the Consumers would take their #Medication . Remember having a guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach, knowing that the Medication they are swallowing might be harming them, killing off their creativity, turning them into a shell of a human, wrecking the brain covertly, like a very slow #Lobotomy . I would ask them if they took their meds yet. And with great urgency they would hurry to take their medications, putting the empty cup down with a smile of accomplishment. As a Mental Health Employee, after seeing them take their pills, I felt assured that there'd be no sudden outbursts today. Whether or not the meds were permanently destroying their brain, concerned me little, except that there would likely be no outbursts, that day. So those pills, may have been eating away at their mentally ill brain, still, were a blessing, because they made my work all the easier..

Almost 20 years later, I myself am now a Mental Health Consumer, who sought out Therapy because Depression and Anxiety have finally come for me too. They keep telling me I am an over thinker. So I take my meds every day, letting them have their way with my brain and do their dirty little deeds. And I desperately desire, even sensually fantasize, receiving Electroconvulsive Therapy and also TMS Therapy, while being mandated for the rest of my life to take my Meds, attend Therapy and even receive maintenance ECT treatments, so that one day, I may not be an over thinker, any longer.

And so have signed up for TMS Therapy, am attempting to get ECT Treatments started too and hopefully after my neuropsych testing am scheduled to take later this month, they'll put me back on an antipsychotic and maybe if I'm lucky, mandate its continuous administration, via Court Order, so I don't have to feel guilty about taking it.

Were the Mental Health Consumers, 2 decades ago, already doing this? That in my professional role, I mistook them for fools believing their Meds were somehow healthy for them?! And yet, was I the fool?! Were they keenly more aware, even back then, of the necessity, to quiet down the overthinking brain we are all born with using copious amounts of Medication approved by the FDA to balance out our Serotonin levels and Neurotransmitter Actions, in not yet so clearly understood, ways? Am I overthinking this issue today? Or maybe I am just late, taking my morning 80mg Prozac?!

This is a place where we can share our #Thoughts and our #feelings to one another. I have been #Trying hard to make things right with my life, and I know that it is difficult. I think a lot of us in this world feel a bit #lost right now. It is understandable because of what is happening in #ukraine and #russia at the moment. It is also #difficult to deal with #MentalHealth at the same time when you have a #MentalIllness that does not ever take a break. #Medicine can only take you so far in this world to make things #stabilized in the mind.

When #stressful situations occur, it is more difficult for those who have mental health conditions to handle than that of someone who does not have it. It is because we are already battling a mental war trying to use our #Therapy skills to apply to the #behavioral aspect of things while the medication helps take care of the #Neurological aspect of things. However, on the right kind of #Medication we are able to handle things a lot better. Of course we will always have some kind of #Sadness in our lives, as it is not the #Goal of medication to make us #robotic . However, the medicine we take does help to ease the existing conditions we already have so that we are less #sensitive to the #Extremes we would feel without the medicine.

I have #BipolarDisorder so this is something that is already a #Battle since I was about 16 years old. Sometimes all I can do is put on some lipstick and handle it the best way that I can, even if that means I need to take a few extra #Naps in the day. Whenever you are faced with #extreme amounts of #Stress things are not going to be easy for you. That is #normal . I just #wish that life were a lot #easier to handle though for those of us who have pre-existing mental health conditions that create more conflict and blow up the #emotional responses.

So - If you are #Reading this, please #DistractMe and give me something to think about other than my Dad's liver #Cancer

#Trauma #Therapy for #PTSD 1st time really “ready” to open up with #Psychiatrist at 37 #childhoodtrauma #abuse #neglect #fearofabandonment #psychologicalabuse from a father that I would describe as #CharlesManson with a #TheBible in one hand and #Alcoholism in the other. In addition to a family that #rejected me completely so much so that on both sides of my #Divorced #Family I had rules that if I walked in the room within one minute all of my cousins had to leave my #physical presence because I was just #different but never had #behavioral #Problems just major misunderstandings and what seemed like a lot of #bad luck because of the many #Labels that seem to get stuck to me throughout the years in public #Education . So I was sent to live #alone with my #Father at 11 on a #cult like farm with no access to the outside world (no modern technology including TV, Radio or Phone) and he #brainwashed me as a #Child to never speak to anyone or they would lock me up and throw away the key or call me a liar and ignore me completely. So I have major #Trust #issues and have no clue where to begin when I see my #Therapist via video this week. I also have #ADHD with a #mind that is #hyper #creative and #super analytical seems like a #Gift and #Curse when expressing my #Thoughts and #Emotions #help #Advice #ParanoidThoughts